Saturday, January 28, 2006

And Now Who's Getting Kicked Off The Island?

Today's post contains several "blog-specific" references. As I have a couple of new readers, I thought that a helpful guide to the various terms and characters might prove useful. Here's what you need to know:

Amy The Scary Stylist: Tiny, little Asian woman whose "take no prisoners" approach to hair dressing has cowed both The Sheep and her locks into submission. She takes one look, shakes her head, ignores my suggestions and proceeds. This is an "I kid because I love" situation. I adore her. She is a genius!

Dr. DeSade, DMD: The dentist who is currently making my life a living nightmare. His office/house of horrors just happens to be located in the same plaza as Amy, The Scary Stylist. This is not an "I kid because I love" situation. I loathe, I fear, I tremble.

ADD: This is a condition whereby an individual demonstrates difficulty maintaining attention or the ability to reduce impulses and body movements. The Sheep has it and is under physician's care. Not the jokey kind...I don't just misplace my car keys here. I take medication and, while they don't make me suddenly want to do my taxes, they do make long, boring tasks more bearable.

SOS: Stupid Old Sweater, Sweater Of Shame, S*&%t On Stix, choose your monniker. This project, begun just after X-mas, has plagued me for a month. I have set it aside before I start setting fire to things.

Son Of Skinny Scarf: A work in progress inspired by a scarf knit for Amy The SS (I don't want to use the abbreviation A.S.S. here, people) characterized by it's loooong, skinny, fringy goodness.

Curly-Whirly: An admittedly tacky, but weirdly satisfying scarf that sort of corkscrews around like an apple peel.

There! Everyone caught up? Good! Let us proceed.

I mentioned earlier that I was feeling the need to sort through some of my current projects and make the hard-core decisions one must sometimes make. Not everything is destined for completion. Some stuff is working, others just never will. The Sheep, easily distracted by pretty gee-gaws and bright colors, is quick to take on new patterns and fibers. It is not uncommon for there to be a pile of well-intentioned WIPs lying about. When said pile begins to threaten the safety of the condo's inhabitants due it's sheer size and lack of structural integrity, it is time to do something. In addition, Amy The Scary Stylist has requested a pair of Mama E's No-Fingers Hot Tamale Gloves. Since Amy is in charge of calling my mother should any of my appointments with Dr. DeSade degenerate into a situation involving me on the roof with hostages whilst the negotiators frantically try to talk me down, I feel it is in my best interest to comply. (I didn't ask her to do this...she actually volunteered!) Besides, she is also in charge of my highlights. That's my highlights, people! The only thing standing between me and noticeably gray hair!!!

Amy wants it, Amy gets it. No questions asked.

Ignoring those projects begun "pre-blog," (those just disappeared's best not to ask questions) I focused on the following as candidates for dismissal: The SOS, Son Of Skinny Scarf, The Curly-Whirly: part deux and The Arches And Columns Scarf. Son of Skinny Scarf was an easy fix. I simply finished it:

Son of Skinny Scarf as modeled by my skein-winder

The second Curly-whirly scarf, which was planned as a longer and wider version of the original, was killing me. The needles I chose were too small and I really needed a longer cable on the circular needle to accommodate the number of stitches. It was an easy decision: bye-bye!!

The Arches And Columns project was really just a test knit to see if the patterns was one my often wandering brain could follow. It is. Test complete. Don't love the color or the yarn choice, though. Take a walk, dude! See you in the funny papers!!!

Now, for my arch nemesis: The SOS. I have readjusted this thing about a million times. I have inadvertently released stitches from the holder and found myself hunting, chasing and retrieving them like some sort of acrylic-sniffing bloodhound, and have used language that has taken away any chance I may once have had at getting into heaven. It was sorely tempting to consign this thing to the Knitting Knetherworld. And, yet, I didn't. This is one of those challenges that I think I need to see through. I've always believed that we learn as much from our mistakes as we do from our successes. When I'm finished with this project, I will be leaving this blog behind to pursue my career with MENSA. 'Cuz I'll be a know...with all the mistakes...get it? Whatever. The SOS remains on the needles. Some may be shocked by this. I kind of was.

So that's it. Projects narrowed down, new yarn purchased, new thoughts swimming through my Sheepie little's time to start all over. We'll probably all get to repeat this exercise in a couple of months. Rest up!


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