The Sheep Will See And Be Seen!

Another classroom scene for your consideration:

The room is, for a brief moment, empty of children. Ms. Sheep listens in as her twenty-something (and clearly more worldly) teaching assistants discuss the best ways in which one may cleanse the palate between dinner courses. While they are in general agreement on the consumption of a light sorbet, they decide they must consult with one older and wiser for clarification. Two spry, young pairs of eyes affix themselves upon their supervisor, eager for her words of wisdom in this matter. The Sheep nods her head sagely, strokes her chin a few times then intones:

Well, once I've finished my fries, I often will take a sip of my Diet Coke before moving on to my Big Mac. Of course, this means that I have to drive with my knees for a minute or so...


I think I may have lost some supervisory status with my staff. Neither has met my eye for more than a second or two since this conversation took place. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a spearmint sorbet.

But it got me to thinkin'. Clearly, this Sheep has been somewhat lax in her social activities of late. I don't get out much. At some point over the last few years, the world has taken some strange turns and the young folk are now eating at restaurants where food comes in courses and palates must be cleansed. Kids today... In my day, we ate out of Styrofoam. And we liked it!! But I think I might need to leave the house every once in a while. You know, just to "keep up."

To that end, I have opted to accept an invitation to dine with some co-workers from job #2 this Friday evening after the day's toil is complete. That's right. You heard me. I will be "out." On a Friday. When it is dark outside. This has generated a whole series of concerns and obsessions. I don't remember the last time I was in public after hours. I am composing an email to my boss (who has organized this little field trip) with a few questions whose answers might help ease my socially underdeveloped mind:

Is our dining destination one which will be accepting of The Sheep's newly overdyed Eddie Bauer jeans? Or does she need to find alternate clothing? Will there be ironing involved? This may require sedation of some sort...

What is the fork situation? One? Two? More than two??? I only ask because I sometimes become a tiny bit flustered in the presence of multiple dining utensils. The brain seizes a little bit and I zero in on one fork. I will eat any and all courses with that one piece of silverware, including the soup course. I develop a meaningful relationship with it. Woe be to the wait staff member who attempts to clear the table and whisk away my new forky friend.

Will there be carts involved? I don't do well with carts, particularly those of the dessert or cheese variety. Overwhelmed by the choices, I will either be rendered incapable of deciding or will demand one of everything offered. The tone I use is at least three octaves higher than my normal speaking voice and will only rise higher. It is likely that I will become so overstimulated by the plethora of possibilities that I will simply dive into the lobster tank to avoid having to make any final decisions.

Now, about the placemats: I like to color mine. Will that be a problem? I will gladly bring my own crayons. Unless, of course, that is considered impolite. I will happily use those provided. And while we are on the subject, would it be possible to get an extra? I sometimes mess up on the word scrambles and I don't think there will be any other children there to assist me in finishing it.

I'm sure I will come up with a few others between now and Friday evening, but this should give me a few things to work on in the interim. Really, I think this will be quite good for me. I might even wear heels! Oh, and that cute little evening purse that I bought umpty gajillion years ago in the event that just such a sudden social occasion should arise!

But I don't have the foggiest idea how I will fit my sock-in-progress in there...

SA