Monday, October 30, 2006

The Sheep Will See And Be Seen!

Another classroom scene for your consideration:

The room is, for a brief moment, empty of children. Ms. Sheep listens in as her twenty-something (and clearly more worldly) teaching assistants discuss the best ways in which one may cleanse the palate between dinner courses. While they are in general agreement on the consumption of a light sorbet, they decide they must consult with one older and wiser for clarification. Two spry, young pairs of eyes affix themselves upon their supervisor, eager for her words of wisdom in this matter. The Sheep nods her head sagely, strokes her chin a few times then intones:

Well, once I've finished my fries, I often will take a sip of my Diet Coke before moving on to my Big Mac. Of course, this means that I have to drive with my knees for a minute or so...


I think I may have lost some supervisory status with my staff. Neither has met my eye for more than a second or two since this conversation took place. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a spearmint sorbet.

But it got me to thinkin'. Clearly, this Sheep has been somewhat lax in her social activities of late. I don't get out much. At some point over the last few years, the world has taken some strange turns and the young folk are now eating at restaurants where food comes in courses and palates must be cleansed. Kids today... In my day, we ate out of Styrofoam. And we liked it!! But I think I might need to leave the house every once in a while. You know, just to "keep up."

To that end, I have opted to accept an invitation to dine with some co-workers from job #2 this Friday evening after the day's toil is complete. That's right. You heard me. I will be "out." On a Friday. When it is dark outside. This has generated a whole series of concerns and obsessions. I don't remember the last time I was in public after hours. I am composing an email to my boss (who has organized this little field trip) with a few questions whose answers might help ease my socially underdeveloped mind:

Is our dining destination one which will be accepting of The Sheep's newly overdyed Eddie Bauer jeans? Or does she need to find alternate clothing? Will there be ironing involved? This may require sedation of some sort...

What is the fork situation? One? Two? More than two??? I only ask because I sometimes become a tiny bit flustered in the presence of multiple dining utensils. The brain seizes a little bit and I zero in on one fork. I will eat any and all courses with that one piece of silverware, including the soup course. I develop a meaningful relationship with it. Woe be to the wait staff member who attempts to clear the table and whisk away my new forky friend.

Will there be carts involved? I don't do well with carts, particularly those of the dessert or cheese variety. Overwhelmed by the choices, I will either be rendered incapable of deciding or will demand one of everything offered. The tone I use is at least three octaves higher than my normal speaking voice and will only rise higher. It is likely that I will become so overstimulated by the plethora of possibilities that I will simply dive into the lobster tank to avoid having to make any final decisions.

Now, about the placemats: I like to color mine. Will that be a problem? I will gladly bring my own crayons. Unless, of course, that is considered impolite. I will happily use those provided. And while we are on the subject, would it be possible to get an extra? I sometimes mess up on the word scrambles and I don't think there will be any other children there to assist me in finishing it.

I'm sure I will come up with a few others between now and Friday evening, but this should give me a few things to work on in the interim. Really, I think this will be quite good for me. I might even wear heels! Oh, and that cute little evening purse that I bought umpty gajillion years ago in the event that just such a sudden social occasion should arise!

But I don't have the foggiest idea how I will fit my sock-in-progress in there...

SA

16 comments:

Julie said...

Sorbet to cleanse the palate? Hmmm, I think I'd rather cleanse my palate with some nice french vanilla ice cream.

Sheila said...

I cleanse my palate with a sip of a nice Shiraz or Merlot, whichever is cheaper on the menu. Sorbet would trick my tummy into thinking the meal was over and dessert had been served.
My husband and I get out about once every other month...it's fun. My tips: go heavier on the make-up (the lighting washes out color), wear jewelry, and use your utensils from the outside in (I used to wait tables). This is a sure-fire way to use the right fork!
.

trek said...

I laughed so hard, my head exploded...'course I started reading the post with a headache...

mrichme said...

Remember not to put your elbows on the table when you are eating (elbows on the steering wheel is not advisable). The napkin goes in the lab not in front of your shirt. Follow Shelia's advise on the utencils. Everything else will take care of itself.

Geraldine said...

Joe and I are reading this and just busting up with the laughs....Ive gone even further, I am crying, but the good kind of waterworks, funny-bone waterworks. Sheep you are toooooooo much!!! Thanks for a wonderful laugh at the end of a long day, AGAIN!

Beth said...

Oh yes, I got a big laugh out of your post, too. Especially the McDonald's part. :) Have fun on Friday!

catsmum said...

just so long as this is the type of establishment where a postprandial k.i.p. isn't frowned on, you and sock will be fine

Debby said...

This is going to give HM a whole lot of new material! I can't wait!
Food poisoning...food allergies...hopefully RM will win in the end, and you'll have a great time out. :)

mehitabel said...

Funny thing, I was just telling a friend I need to get out more. I was eating leftover reheated pasta while he was telling me of having prime rib at a hillside restaurant with a great view; he took an ex-GF to dinner. Hmm, I wonder if any of my old boyfriends are still around...

Anonymous said...

This sounds like fun! Getting out, eating, having fun. Will there be liquor and dancing involved? Just be careful with the high heels!
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Kate said...

I've been eating out less as I'm now afraid of bagged lettuce. I've noticed that the diet soda is a better palate cleanser than the sugar variety. The worst cart of all is in those high end steak places that insist on rolling out the cuts of beef and showing you their marbling. I don't really want to meet the cow before I eat it.

Julie said...

I prefer a good shot of tequila to cleanse the palette. Just sayin'.

And the reason they package that food in styrofoam is in the hope some nutrition will rub off onto the food.

Be careful going out in the dark. It's, um, dark out there. May all your carts be dessert carts.

April said...

Wow, tres exciting! Maybe you'll get there in time for the Early Bird Dinner!

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine how HM is taking this turn of events. I hope you all have a lovely time.

The Purloined Letter said...

My father in law sits at the table, puts his hands one on each side of his plate, palms facing, and brings his thumb and pointer together to make lowercase letters: b on the left and d on the right. This is the ONLY way he can remember to drink the drink on the right and eat from the bread plate on his left. My big fear is that he will start calling his drink his beverage....

Annie said...

So funny. And at the same time, is it sad that I can relate a bit too much to this entry!?