Thursday, October 05, 2006

C'mon...Put Me In Charge!

First, I should note that I am a somewhat tired and grumpy Sheep this evening. It has been one of those days where you just question your career choice every twenty minutes or so. In between, you obsess endlessly on that long-ago marriage proposal that could have left you somewhere in the third year of your divorce by now and with decent alimony. This is probably the cause of my current desire to become a world dictator and to come up with some rules of society that, while rigid, will make life better for all of us. Well...that and the fact that I, a middle aged woman who has recently encountered some problems with internal temperature regulation, was promised a cool and crisp Fall day today and wore a sweater. I was hot. So very hot.

At any rate, I've come up with a new rule that I'd like the world to consider. I think it quite reasonable and easy to work with. I thus feel that the punishment for failure to follow it should be death. Preferably death by pinching or poking or something equally annoying. Here it is:

The middle aged, overheated lady lugging around the giant container of kitty litter gets the right-of-way in the grocery store. I understand that this might cause some difficulty for those folks who are confronted by long-lost relatives and need to catch up or who have suddenly noted items in their cart that weren't there when they first entered the checkout line. It happens to me frequently. I know that these things make you suddenly want to stop even if you happen to be in mid-aisle or blocking an exit. But the overheated lady hefting a jug of expensive sand that is roughly a third of her body weight needs to get by. Perhaps execution is an excessive punishment...

But rules are rules.

All right, all right...it is possible that I am overeacting after a long day and several instances over the last few weeks of being stalled behind other shoppers who had the common sense to get a shopping cart. Maybe we could do this:

If the offender has the wherewithal to at least acknowledge that he/she has made a shopping faux pas, then they get a pass. They don't even have to apologize. All I'm asking is that they take note of my quivering biceps and the vein bulging in my forehead. Maybe even move a few inches to the right...I'm nothing if not flexible even if I do have aspirations towards being the world overlord. Just the other day, I graciously forgave the guy who was blocking the conveyor belt at the check out by laying across it. He looked at me, blushed and said, "Whoops, what am I doing just laying on this thing? Lemme get outta your way there, little lady." See? No actual apology. Just an acknowledgment. That's good enough. Pardon granted!

I will be a benevolent overlord.

Fortunately, I am now home safe and sound and with cat litter aplenty for the kitties. I have also turned on a fan. This is slowly returning The Sheep to her usual charming self and perhaps things will settle down a bit. I'm hoping that I will be able to make some decent progress on the Sock Of Immense Proportions tonight. I've designated weekend knitting for finishing holiday type stuff so it'll be all Chevron Stripes Towel all the time for the knitting during this holiday weekend.

Unless I make some progress on the whole world overlord thing...then I'll probably be busy decorating the palace and choosing my coronation outfit.

SA

13 comments:

mrichme said...

In tribute to the Miller Lite commericals:

It shall be "grocery shopping" law!

Julie said...

You know, the husbeast is known for GROWLING at people in grocery stores. (It's one of the reasons he's the husbeast.) Maybe you should try it. Or just hit them.

Sheila said...

I growl at the clueless shoppers, too. I'm normally quiet and polite, but not in the grocery store. I just want to shop as quickly as possible so I can leave, and everyone else who is there at the same time as I should have the same goal. Is that so much to ask??
I like the designated holiday knitting on the weekends...I think I'll work that concept into my knitting schedule.

trek said...

Move it or lose it, buster - this is a Sheep with kitty litter and she is not afraid to use it.

Julie said...

I can't stand the shoppers who act like they are the only ones in the store! Oh, and I feel for you - for my internal thermometer has begun to go haywire as well!

p.s. e-mail me your snail mail address so I can send you your prize (e-mail link on my blog).

Debby said...

Dear Your High Overlordness,

May I request another law? When you are behind in your WIPs, you get a free pass at work so you can stay home and finish them?

And those who think lane markers are suggestions get their licenses revoked and have to walk everywhere from then on?

Geraldine said...

"Little lady" was that the rhinestone cowboy you encountered??? At least he snapped out of his reverie and did the right thing....

Here's to a nice relaxing weekend in Sheepland.

Huggs, G

cursingmama said...

Well at least you'll save on those heat bills this winter ;)

The Purloined Letter said...

I'll vote for you for Queen!

Beth said...

Being in the grocery store with a bunch of other people makes me grouchy. Being hot on top of that would put me over the top.

One of the other things that bugs me is when I am looking at something and a shopper gets right in front of me to get something. I wouldn't mind an "Excuse me, may I reach in front of you?" What I mind is when I've waited for my turn and then someone comes up and gets in front of me because their time is more important than mine. Okay, I'm done...

Lorraine said...

The Minnesota nice version: "You have just one item? You go first." "Oh, no, you were here first." "I insist." "No really." "No, I mean it." Meantime, the people in line behind the two polite nuts are fuming. "SOMEONE JUST GO ALREADY!"

Kate said...

I think you need your own grocery store because grocery shopping has been no end of problems for you. Maybe you could just be over Lord of groceries. I am completely ready to honor you as Master of Time, Space, and The Universe, but it will prove a big responsibility that will likely cut into your leisure time. (See how I'm only thinking of you?) I do think that in that situation with the litter you should be able to swing the litter container around a bit and if it thwacks a loiterer or two, NBD.

catsmum said...

I'm usually the one who says "you go ahead " to the person with one item" but the other day THREE more people followed that one. Am I alone in thinking this was a bit much?
btw sheepy my love I'll vote for you as overlady any day