Monday, August 21, 2006

The Mathematics Of Unmentionables.

There are two weeks remaining until the start of the new school year. I have transferred to a new school in the district and must set up an entirely new classroom. I have approximately 25,607 projects here at home that I'd hoped to get done during the summer break and failed to finish. Am I attending to any of these?

No, I am not.

For I have an "underpants situation" upon which to focus.

Now, I understand that I have hopelessly crossed the line of good taste, here. I fully realize that no one really needs or wants to have an in-depth analysis of my undie drawer foisted upon them. But, I can't help it. It is worse than I thought.

As of last night, I'd estimated the underpants count to be at or around 40 pair. I don't know where they all came from. I don't recall purchasing that many. I haven't been keeping up with the laundry. I have Underpants Alzheimers. It was all pretty overwhelming.

So today I decided to do what any rational person might do under these circumstances and conduct an Underpants Census. The top drawer was emptied, the laundry basket was dumped and the count began. Imagine my surprise.

I have 57 pair of underpants.

In what universe does one possibly require 57 pair of underpants? I mean, I could see if I was a professional bungee jumper, lion tamer or easily startled. Then it is conceivable that I might need a few back-up pair. But I am none of those things. Just an average Sheep living an average life and surrounded by underpants.

Mind reeling from the possible psychological disorders that might be at work here, I went to a very rational and logical place in my head. These needed to be sorted and catalogued in some way in order that I might find some meaning in all this. Here is what I was able to come up with:

Of the total 57 pair, 10 were too large and could be discarded.

Another 10 were thongs (an interesting and slightly disturbing discovery) And let's face it, these are not really the kind of thing you can wear daily and not lose your mind completely.

This left 37 pair that could be considered "front of the drawer" material.

That's 37 pair. Why it is that I somehow felt better about the fact that I can now only go just over a month without doing laundry is a mystery. But I did. Of course I then realized that I was actually wearing one pair (hey, I'm a lady) and that this increased the total by one, but I got past that fairly quickly.

I'm really only a couple quirks away from a tin foil hat.

Lest you think that I spent the entire day immersed in the undie drawer, here's a couple of other little projects that were considered worthy of my time and attention:

There is hope for an FO of one sort or another by week's end.
I have a few commitments this week (work, drs. appt. and the like) around which I will have to work. There is also some back-to-school shopping that needs to happen.
But there is one item that was crossed off the list pretty quickly, lemme tellya!


trek said...

Ms. Sheep? I am from the US Census Bureau and we received a report that your undies population was incorrectly recorded during the most recent census. Do you realize that there can be hefty fines for this blatant disregard for the law? Hm?

Julie said...

Dude, you sound like you need medicated. Ahahahahaha.

Nice sock, though. And I still want to steal that handspun.

Julie said...

10 thongs, eh? Interesting.

April said...

I'm like that with socks. I have two sock drawers and I don't even want to think about actually taking a census.

But 37 pairs of panties? Have you thought about contacting the people at the Guiness Book Of World Records?

I just hope you don't ever find a knitting pattern for undies.

mrichme said...


This whole line of blogging is somewhat distribing. But if we're going to push the envelope a little have enough undies to go in public with clean drawers. Just like your mother told you years ago.

Sheila said...

That's a lot of unmentionables! I'm like that with shoes. There are several pairs that I don't recall buying and have never worn. The sad thing is that I only wear my clogs (thanks to another unmentionable: bunions).
Thanks for the kind words on my blog- that was just a flattering picture.

Geraldine said...

Wow, Trek has got me worried!!! I hope that the Sheep is not going to be undie-audited. Better hide some of that lacey stash under a rock or something.....

Huggs, G

PS I believe my undie count stands at about 20 wearables but I do a lot of laundry so should be ok, lol

Teri S. said...

Well, at least you can sleep at night knowing that if there were ever an electricity or water crisis, you'll have clean undies for a month.

Beth said...

"easily startled" - Okay, I need to buy some Kleenex to have by the computer because I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Terrific progress on your sock!

Mia said...

"easily startled" oh my Gawd sheepie.. you are just too, too much! I laugh out loud every SINGLE time I read one of your posts... no matter WHAT kind of day I've had and God bless you for it!

I think we outta start a "Sheepie gets the next book deal" club...

anyone in???

Cathy said...

LOL.... I fall behind on reading blogs coz I was cleaning out my underwear drawer (me a lemming? why do you ask?) thanks to your last post. I have 3 pair. The other dozen have holes. Or well, trying to be thongs. I see being a lemming can be helpful. So, on that note, where did you get your Finn?