Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Making Of A Mogul

The Sheep has made an interesting discovery today. It seems that if you actually do all the laundry awaiting washing in the basket you will have a better understanding of how much underwear you actually have.

Near as I can figure, I must have gone through some sort of underpants amnesia over the last few months. The result is that there was, at the very least, weekly underpants purchasing. This short term memory lapse also seemed to have wiped out any recollection of these purchases as I honestly don't know the exact origins of some of these little guys.

I can say, without exaggeration here, that I have somehow managed to amass 40 or so pair of underpants. Some are still in the original packaging. Perhaps we here at Sheepie Meadows got a bit behind in the laundry...

Should terrorists ever target Fruit Of The Loom, Hanes and Victoria's Secret for destruction, I will be a very rich Sheep. I will become the foremost Underpants Mogul in all the land. I will begin smoking a cigar and take to wearing an eyepatch. I will layer gold chains, some of which will sport sayings like,"Got Underpants?" I also envision a hat with a feather of some sort, but I haven't fully fleshed out all the wardrobe details at this writing.

I will be photographed strolling into the most exclusive of clubs and, for the mere tip of a pair of boy cut briefs, will be escorted to the best table in the joint. Upon exiting these fine establishments, there will be masses of street urchins fighting over the lone thong tossed casually over my shoulder as I chuckle over the plight of the little people.

I will commission a statue of Lycra/Spandex. Neil Young will write a protest song about the underpants excesses of a certain Sheep.

But, I promise that I will continue to handknit my socks and hats. How else can I retain my connection to the common people?




Don't worry, folks. I have power of attorney. I'll see that she ends up one of the nicer "facilities."
SA

9 comments:

trek said...

You used the word "facilities" in a post about underwear. How apropos!

laurie in maine said...

We could call you Captain Underpants - but there's already a children's book series by said name. I know this as it must be published by Scholastic Books and my 21 yo daughter interned for them in NY this summer.

Their giant parting gift bag filled with lots of goodies last week had the bigger than life Captain Underpants logo...Time for a new pair! - huge.

The call I got from her describing her return journey by subway to Brooklyn was a riot. No matter which way she turned the bag it's superhero stuck out for all the world to rejoice ;)

debsnm said...

You are my hero!!! I've always wanted to have enough underpants that I would only have to do laundry every 2 weeks, instead of weekly. There will be NO boy-pants or thongs - for the same reason - they have a tendency to reside in inappropriate places.

Teri S. said...

That's a fair amount of underwear. And that reminds me...Time to do the laundry! I'm one of little people over whose plight you'll be chuckling...

Kate said...

I have no issue with going to the mall and buying new underpants instead of doing laundry. I'm all for it. I personally find myself buying more everytime VS has a 5 for $25 sale and I am afraid to actually count the number of underpants I now have. I can be one of your troop of underwear hording minions should a real underwear crisis develop.

Sheila said...

You could trade the still packaged ones for sock yarn! Of course, you'd have to find a knitter with an abunadance of sock yarn, a need for panties, and who is the same size as you (on the bottom, at least).

Beth said...

Sheila's comment got me to thinking - you could have a contest with the prize being a package of underwear from your "stash." Think you'd have anybody enter? :)

April said...

i only buy underwear once a year, when i go home to canada for christmas. unfortunately buying underwear at christmas practically guarantees that you'll end up with reindeers and santa claus on your butt.

hohoho.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if there is a vortex that is transporting undergarments through time and space. We are having the opposite problem here. Everytime I do laundry there are less underwear in my drawer. It's a mystery...
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/