Thursday, February 09, 2006

Would You Buy A Used Car From This Sheep?

I guess I just have one of those faces... Once or twice a year my friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and total strangers seem to go through these little crises with their significant others. All and sundry then race to seek out The Sheep to bask in her knowledge and walk away with little nuggets of wisdom. "What should I do about Bob?" they cry. And they expect an answer.

Hey, I live on this planet. It is not unreasonable to expect that, every once in a while, I might be expected to have to interact with the human race. It's in the contract unless you move to a desert island or something. And I won't do that unless I am assured of good cable reception. And clean facilities. And a Starbucks. As that seems unlikely, I'm on board with the whole "community" thing. I'll participate in the giving and growing and the caring and sharing.

However, I can't help but wonder why so many people think that I might be a good resource in this area. I am forty years old. I have never been married. I have had two relationships that lasted more than 6 months. And, to be truthful, they were really over at the 6 week mark. But I tire easily and am lazy. It was simpler to just wait the whole thing out. In the interim, I got some jewelry, free food and someone to kill the bugs I didn't want to deal with. These perks almost made up for the extra person wandering around my home wanting to talk about "where this relationship is going," and how his mother will just learn to love me once she gets to know me.

That's what I bring to the table. When you bring me your issues, this is the experience upon which I draw. And yet, they keep a'coming. I'll participate and I will do my very best to offer sage and useful advice as you all struggle through these trying times. But I strongly caution each and every one of you to take it all with a grain/shaker/barrel of salt. I may act like I know what I'm doing, but I'm a big, fat liar. What I'm good at is fixing my own toilet, purchasing my own cars and putting together a kick-ass tool kit.

Like I said, this plethora of lovelorn individuals tends to only flock to The Sheep on a bi-annual basis. It's usually short-term and we'll get through it once V-Day is over, I'm sure. The timing for this is really not that great given that I have a mutated fingerless glove to contend with and a tweaked back that took a trip to Hurtsville again today. I'll suck it up for you all, though. I promise.


1 comment:

mrichme said...

"All praise the Sheepish Godess. All praise the Sheepish Godess."

"We are not worthy! We are not worthy!"

That's why every flocks to you for advice. Accept it for the complement.

Anyways vacation is coming and Sheepish can hibernate.