Thursday, March 16, 2006

Preparing For Appointment #6

OK. (breathing deeply) I'm just about ready.

I have called Dr. DeSade DMD's office and explained to them that they need not panic about my having exceeded my insurance for the year and there is no reason to cancel the appointment. I will pay them my appointment...which is tomorrow...which negates the need for them to keep calling me for the money.

I have transferred my meagre amount of cash, license, the checks which draw upon the line of credit which is paying for this nightmare and my insurance card to my mini wallet. Thus, when my appointment is over there will be no fumbling for a purse and I can just run from the presence of the scary dentist without encumbrances.

I have purchased new underwear. Not because I fear death or a heart attack in the office or anything. I'm just worried that I might have some sort of knee-jerk reaction to the pain and do something that will cause me to be led away in handcuffs. I want to have something purty to wear when I am changing into my orange jumpsuit.

I have flossed every day for a solid week. When the good doctor asks if I have been doing so regularly I can look him right in his flaming, soulless eyes and say, "why, yes."

I have contacted the kindly people responsible for my line of credit and been reassured that they are still on speaking terms with me. They will cover this.

The school secretary (and Amy, my scary stylist who works next door to the dentist's office) will be monitoring the news for any reports of middle aged women freaking out and taking hostages in the southern area of the state. Both have agreed to call my mother or race over bearing doughnuts with which to lure me from the roof.

I think I am ready. Tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. I will be seated, clenched and saying over and over in my head, "do not antagonize the dentist, do not antagonize the dentist..."

I'm sure it will be fine. If you don't hear from me, feel free to assume that this was the appointment where I just lost it completely. Letters, cards and bills can be sent to the local center for the criminally insane.

But could someone come over and feed the cats?


1 comment:

mrichme said...

I'm nominating Camadsmom to be the one to take care of the cats if such the occassion comes around. Our thoughts will be with tomorrow AM.