Thursday, December 15, 2005

How To Maintain Your Inner "Cool" At The Dentist:

It's tough to look cool at the dentist. Half your face is numb, you're drooling and your pupils are fully dilated in terror, giving you that "community-outing-day-for-the-asylum-patients" look. Over the last month, though, I have come up with a few personal tricks to help myself at least feel a bit more like I got it goin' on even my outer self doesn't necessarily reflect that:

1. Wear a thong. You'll know it's there even if no one else does.
2. Use American Sign Language during the procedure to call your dentist foul names. He'll just think it's muscle spasms.
3. Make eye contact with the dentist while he's working. This throws them. I don't know why.
4. Memorize the names of the various parts of your mouth from the charts covering the walls. Throw those names in the conversation. Pronuciation is not an issue as you have a spit sucker, seven fingers and a pokey-thing in your mouth at all times anyway.
5. Wear something with the "Harley Davidson" logo on it to your appointment. The staff will think you have biker associations and be a bit nicer. (ok, that one hasn't worked for me thus far, but I'm going to keep going with it...)

All in all, this appointment wasn't quite the horror show that the root canal was. Dr. DeSade used a rather frightening amount of pain killers although he refused to admit that he may have been wrong in not listening to me the first time when I told him that traditional blocks generally don't do it for me. He also did a marvelous job of distracting me by regaling me with his thoughts on the current state of education and how schools should be run. I'm making a list of things he could do to improve his practice of dentistry for my next visit (more fillings) and I'm sure he won't react by telling me that he has studied his craft for years and might possibly know a tiny bit more than I.

The downer, however, came when he was seating the crown. Dr. DeSade seems to forget that people are fragile creatures and don't bend in certain directions. My jaw has a limited range of motion and he manage to force in a way that it has never traditionally moved. Thus, my mouth is currently immobile and I'm resorting to left-over cough medicine from my last bronchitis bout to deal with the pain. I don't know how he missed that loud snapping sound, but I heard it quite clearly!!!!!!

Oh well, I have to say he did an amazing job with the restoration. I had really done a number on this tooth and he put everything back the way it used to be. For $1100.00, I guess that's how it should be!!! (note: I have used up all my insurance benefits so this little extravaganza was all on my tab)

It was nice to have a day off, though. My LYS just happens to be two stores down from Dr. DeSade so I picked up a few goodies to help ease the pain before heading to the drugstore. I had hoped to get some spinning in, but was faced with this when I got home:

I just didn't have the heart to move the old fart. Desdemona is in her twilight years and I guess she has earned the right to nap freely. I hope to claim the same privilege when I get to that stage of life!!!

Yet another storm is bearing down on the great state of Maine and it looks like tomorrow may end up being another "snow day." How fun is it to still have those while in your middle years? Perhaps then I can wrangle some time with my wheel.

Happy brushing and flossing!

1 comment:

bslitNlk said...

Your blog is well written and informative. I have a site on find a dentist maybe we could trade links?