Friday, June 30, 2006

What Have I Done To Deserve This?????

Today actually started with the smallest glimmer of sunshine. It gave The Sheep a sense of giddiness and a certain "devil-may-care" sort of attitude. Life is quite the prankster that way.

In preparation for an early trip to the grocery store, I headed into the kitchen to grab the daily medications that keep me from falling apart and the keys to my car. It was then that I saw the first omen. I took me a minute to actually comprehend what I was seeing. Even now it boggles the mind and makes one reel. You see, someone (who shall remain nameless) had pooped on the kitchen counter. You heard me. Take a minute. Let it fully sink it, marinate a bit. The kitchen counter. Poop. Poop touching the kitchen counter. There are no words.




I want my lawyer.

Hee-Hee!!! (she'll do anything for a bet!)

The trick here is to just take care of the offending substance and not think about it too much. In the little bit of time that my overwrought brain spent processing this incident, I have come to the conclusion that this was more of a "clinger-that-dropped" issue rather than an actual act of vengeance. Either way, I'm sleeping with one eye open for a while.

I made it to the grocery store and shopped for my furry little family and myself. Now, when you live in a community whose name actually contains the word, "beach" you can expect that the summer will be a busy time. And in my neck 'o the woods, we have a strong Franco-American presence for much of the year. But in the summer there are often more French speaking people in the store than there are locals. This can be something of an issue when a Sheep needs to get at the frozen pizza and it is blocked, but I really do have a plan for this. I simply grin broadly to show my friendly and jocular nature and shout out a hearty, "Nomme de Plume!!!" Now, my French is quite rusty, I'm sad to say. But I am clearly pretty close to "excuse me, I'd like to get some frozen pizza" as everyone within a ten foot radius beats a hasty retreat. Perhaps its the grin...

Speaking of frozen pizza, anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that this is pretty much all I eat. I'm something of a picky Sheep. You can only imagine my horror as I began to unload my groceries onto the conveyor belt and realized that I had inadvertently grabbed a Hawaiian style pizza with pineapple. That's just wrong. You can argue with me on this one all you want but deep down you know I'm right about this. Some things just shouldn't be. Period. I would gladly have gone back to rectify this tragic error had the store not seen fit to have only one register open on this, the Friday before a holiday. Just to let off some steam, I repeated the "nomme de plume" thing. The cashier checked me out with great speed and I have never seen a bagger work with such efficiency. Clearly this phrase has multiple meanings! It can also mean,"I would really appreciate your efficiency as I am currently overcome by despair at the thought of eating a pineapple pizza!"

Once home, I decided to put some time into spinning and finish up the corriedale. I cranked up the fans so as not to be annoyed by the creaking of my overly humidified wheel and set to work. You all have to know what happened...c'mon, sing it with me:

I was plying along when the single broke

do-dah, do-da...

I pulled out the Niddy Noddy Of No Escape (so named for the difficulty one has in removing the finished yarn...). The skein winder seemed a bit much for so little. It's actually a fairly decent amount of finished yarn, but would be more impressive if it represented the remainder of the fiber. So, despite my best efforts, I cannot even say that I completed that one thing. sigh...

With a full morning behind me, I proceeded to burn the frozen pineapple travesty, have lunch, nap and get to job #2 without incident. On the plus side, we did see a bit of sun today and it's looking like we may see a few more rays if we can all just exhibit a little patience. And Desdemona has refrained from leaving me any further presents.

Thus far...

SA

6 comments:

Julie said...

Oh My! I usually pretend I don't see any little presents my babies leave for me (fur balls usually) and that way hubby cleans them up :) But, I guess on the kitchen counter, I'd probably have to do something myself.

It is great to see the sun again, is it not?

trek said...

You are one funny Sheep! And, yes, pineapple pizza is just plain wrong.

Julie said...

I will now quit complaining about my cat sleeping on the silk throw.


In Hawaii we called Hawaiian pizza 'haole pizza'. Haole is a hawaiian term translated as 'outsider' but really means 'clueless idiot with no clue how things should be done'. Which I always thought was the perfect name for Hawaiian pizza. Ew.

laurie in maine said...

Yes, as one of your faithful readers, my vision has now cleared (enough for me to type)from the sobbing/laughter as I read over your latest update. lol Pineapple should be on NOTHING. Gross!

We saw no sun here until about 4pm at which time it was pouring buckets and the sky was black enough over the lake that there should have been a rainbow. Perhaps I missed it.

Returned from MY mission for groceries to find the Klondike ORIGINAL bars had been replaced with Whitehouse Cherry flavor. As I despise anything labeled whitehouse at the present time & cherries likewise should not be on food of any kind...I suspect sabotage!

the Mitz said...

Dear Feline Blogger aka New Pal, Tell your Meowmie to take a chill-pill, heh, its only poop!!! I regularly find intriguing locales to leave little tokens of my disqust, when the humans are away from moi, for too long. I say, well done....
The Mitz

PS Let me know when/ if a feline lawyer is required. ive got the list.

jeannie said...

I STEPPED on a clinger yesterday morning - first thing- on the way to get coffee at 4:30AM. Ewwww. I feel for you.
From rainsoaked Albuquerque where we've gotten what seems like this whole year's rainfall this week.