Monday, June 26, 2006

Medical Logic.

Say you're a doctor...and your patient (for the purposes of this discussion let's call her Ms. S) has come to you for her every-other-month med. review and general berating for her poor health habits. She has recently been diagnosed with Osteopenia and is nothing short of a fragile flower who must be treated with care lest her poor bones just shatter. You determine that you and she have wildly diverse ideas regarding what constitutes "weight bearing exercise." She, for whatever reason, seems to think that she should just gain weight and walk around with it. You, however, are all medically trained and stuff and know better. You need to convince her to try something a bit more helpful. After all, this type of exercise is super-duper for the old and thin-boned.

Now, bearing in mind that this patient cannot walk across a room without tripping over small lint balls and recently managed to fall from the vast height of her own shoes, could you in good conscience suggest that she try jumping rope? Or would you think that might be a hip fracture waiting to happen? And, what of her neighbors? The world at large? Does the rest of the population somehow deserve the sight of The Sheep jumping rope??? Trust me when I tell you that it is not a pretty picture.

I'm not jumping rope. I couldn't do it at 7. I can't do at 40-plus. I'll keep working on another option.

My sock and I both visited with Dr. Judy today and a lovely time was had by all. She admired my sock then reviewed my various test results from the past month. Lungs? Clearing slowly. We are still concerned, but aren't going to get all panicky since progress has been made. The fatigue is lessening and The Sheep may live to dance again. The bone density (or lack thereof) is pretty mild in the hip range, but more pronounced than either of us would have liked in the spine. So when I fall I won't break my hip like all the other poor old ladies. I will, however, snap my spine like a breadstick.

I repeat: I will not be jumping rope.

Otherwise, everything is as it should be and where I left it. And the sock got to take a field trip. This is good because it will be left to it's own devices for a while as I prepare for a treatment far more invasive than anything Dr. J and her minions could plan for me. That's right: tomorrow I get......

A Pedicure!!!! (cue creepy music and thunder sound effect.)

Ahhhhhh! I do so hate having my feet touched. It gives me the willies straight up to my hairline and invariably ends up costing me twice what it costs other patrons as I feel so guilty for kicking the poor nail lady so many times. But, alas, the school secretary and I have a standing "date" to do this at the end of each school year. And, I have to admit, that my feet look dang stunning afterwards. I'd never really put alot of thought into my feet unless I was seeking a pair of cute shoes to cover them. Yet, after that first pedicure, you really can't help but be ashamed by how poorly your tootsies presented themselves before. But there will be no knitting during this procedure.

I'll be too busy trying to avoid a kicking-related personal injury suit.



trek said...

Doesn't jumping rope cause headaches in veryone over the age of 12? Who needs taht?

Mia said...

Glad you're feeling better Sheepie and everything is looking up. As for the jumprope thing.. yeah, I'll admit I've even bought one before, but I don't think I ever jumped once. I'm with you *grin*

Show us those pretty tootsies after your pedi :-)

Beth (big geek) said...

I've been meaning to get back to you! You are a funny gal! Yes, show us your tootsies.

I also want to see more spinning? Or shall I poke around the archives?