Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Practicing My Cringing.

I'll be doing alot of that tomorrow. Physical Cringing will occur because I have fairly sensitive teeth and have, in my dental panic, probably brushed away half of my gums leaving bare roots for cleaning. Emotional Cringing will be required because my dentist is not exactly the kind of guy who thinks before he speaks. Or he does think but is so enamored of himself and his stature as a DMD that he has lost any sense of "context" and "appropriateness" in conversations. In our time together he has suggested to me that special needs children should pay to attend public schools (I am a special educator), that the premise of a television show featuring a woman as president is "bullsh**t," and has informed me that I require a bleaching. But that he won't do it. He doesn't think I deserve it apparently.

I spent alot of time at the dentist as a wee, little lambie. Not due to poor dental habits or anything, but because of my small mouth. (note: anyone who knows The Sheep personally has just fallen off their chair and is currently rolling around on the floor in the throes of laughter) My teeth were too large for my tiny jawline and several had to be extracted to make room for all the gi-normous ivories. And, you know, I never had a problem with it. I was fine. Cut me open, rip things out of my head...whatever. I was a blase little bugger.

But Dr. DeSade DMD (not his real name) has instilled in me a fear of the dental chair that is just unshakable. Sadly, he also happens to be pretty good at what he does, albeit a bit rough. He is not a good listener and probably should have cocked an ear my way prior to the root canal when I happened to mention (ten times) that novacaine is not particularly effective on me. But he was able to reconstruct a tooth that was shattered below the gumline and I guess that has to count for something.

I'm still gonna be completely stressed out until my cleaning is over and I can escape the confines of the chair 'o doom.

Well, that might be true were it not for the fact that I am heading over to the mechanic to deal with my squealing truck immediately afterwards. Tomorrow is going to be a very expensive day, I fear.

As a coping mechanism I cast on and knit like a demon on a new vest from the Knitty archives:

It's the Boogie Vest!
Cuz I don't have enough garments in puke green. We all need at least one puke green vest in our wardrobe right? What can I say? My greenbacks are all currently earmarked for the dentist and the mechanic. I had to use what I had on hand. Why I had puke green yarn in my stash I do not know. It was probably some sort of yarn black-out or something. I'm not asking questions.
And, for some reason, I seem to have begun cutting pieces for a quilt. A quilt!!! This is going to be a bumpy ride, fraught with tears, tantrums and "the bad words."
Is no one going to try and stop me?????


Beth said...

Hey, I printed that vest pattern last night! I've decided to make something else first. Good thing. Now I can see yours before I knit mine. It's looking great, by the way.

Okay, I was nice yesterday and didn't knock the sewing thing. 'Cause I do still sew sometimes. But today's last line was a dare.

Knit instead of quilting! Knitting is better than quilting because...

Quilts can be hard to finish. I have many quilt tops in my closet to prove it.

Knitting is more portable unless you are hand quilting. I also have a half-quilted lap quilt that I was quilting by hand.

It's easier to wear a knitted sweater than a quilt.

Yarn is softer and more cuddly than fabric.

But now that I think about it...quilts actually are very lovely and a great way to express creativity. You don't have to worry about gauge with quilts. There's nothing like a quilt on the bed. Quilts are nice gifts and they don't have to fit anyone.

Gee, that wasn't very convincing...

Julie said...

Oh the novacaine! Every time I need novacaine, my dentist gives me enough so that I cannot speak or drink liquid without drooling for at least an entire day. Why? Because he made the mistake once of not giving me enough and I jerked my hand when he hit the nerve and the drill bit came right off the drill and drilled a hole in his fingernail! And I apologized! Why would I apologize - he's the one who was conducting some sort of evil dental torture on me!

Good luck tomorrow (with the dentist and the mechanic)

Kate said...

My dentist is totally hot a and if we had ever both been single at the same time (he was married, I was single, I got married, he got divorced, I got divorced, he got married) I would have totally asked him out. I could lay there in the chair for hours looking at my dentist. Quilting? You are cutting little pieces of fabric apart to sew them together into a different big piece of fabric?!

trek said...

I could drive up an hold your hand, if you like.

Annie said...

Why not takr your pointiest knitting needles with you, then you can "accidentally" stab Dr DeSade if he makes inappropiate remarks.

Tygher Knits said...

You'll do fine .. but I agree with annie, take your knitting .. dentists are usually better behaved when the patient is armed.

debsnm said...

Here's the thing: my dentist when I was in high school was a smoker - a heavy smoker. Just imagine yellow, smoke-scented fingers in your mouth. NOT pretty. Also, I've decided that dentists are on a par with used-car salesmen - they show me an x-ray of my mouth and tell me that I need a "deep cleaning" - one where they strip away the gums to clean the teeth under the gums, and point rather importantly to something that I absolutely CANNOT see on the x-ray. And THEN they tell me that it'll be $800 for the root canal, and ANOTHER $800 for the crown to cover the now-dead tooth. I don't think so!

Diana said...

Ummm.... does quilting require sharp scissors?