Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Before I Dash...

I only have a moment. I really must be getting myself together and heading out the door. I'm traveling down to The Yarn Sellar tonight for a long-overdue visit with The Chicks With Sticks and can't stop long to chit chat. But I wanted to drop a note and give you a little heads up just in case you had any plans of your own this evening. Here goes:

Run!!! Run for your very lives!!! Gather your loved ones and head to the nearest underground bunker for I have seen the signs and read them clearly! The End Of Days is upon us!!! Bring unto you your canned goods, packaged snack cakes and portable entertainment devices then flee into the night! Save yourselves, I beg of you!!!!!

No. I am not being overly dramatic. I see you rolling your eyes. That is a fine way to treat the local prophet and soothsayer. Besides, when you hear what I have to say, you will be as chilled to the bone as I. Then you'll feel badly about doubting me...

I took my car in for a "routine" oil change and state inspection today. I sat in the waiting room for over an hour because they were so very busy. I knit. I watched obligatory and predictable morning news programs. And when it was over, the nice man came out, handed me my keys and said the words that no one wants to hear when they are on vacation and have plans which don't include an apocalypse or two:

You're all set, Ms. Sheep. Just pay the cashier and have a nice day!

I see that a few of you don't get it. You must be new here. Let me see if I can put this into some perspective for you. Here's a few facts:

*I am one for whom the term "internal combustion" means the not-so-good kind of combustion. The kind with flames...

*I am the one who needs new tires every three weeks or so.

*I am the one who decides to pretend the shaking and lurching of her dying truck is like a massage and good for the lower back because I really, really need to see the positive side of things.

*I am the one who spends thousands of dollars to resuscitate the poor vehicle only to have a rock hit my windshield the very next day while driving to work.

*I am the one who, this time last year, was shopping for a new car because the old truck died before it was even paid for.

You can see how I have come to dread "routine maintenance." It never goes well. There is always something. Usually something expensive. Oddly, though, I have come to find some comfort in the predictability of this cycle. I know that when I go in for a simple oil change, the mechanic will find some piece of metal hanging by a thread and threatening the entire working system of the vehicle. That piece of metal will be in a highly inaccessible place and will require that a team of engineers be brought in at my expense to deal with the problem. They will fix the car, send me on my way and then the engine light will come on because they forgot to tighten the screw on the rear view mirror and the entire car will shut down as a result.

Or something like that...

To have them send me on my way with nary a "we need to talk" is disconcerting to say the least. And indicative of bad things to come. I can't be certain, but it does seem reasonable to think that the end of the world is nigh and that we might want to consider making other plans for the weekend.

That said, I'm going to live life to the fullest in the time I have left. I'm going to eat full fat ice cream and take my now street legal car for a trip south to visit with the other knitters before it is too late. I'd suggest you do the same.

Happy Tuesday and please don't forget to lock the door. It is only a matter of time before the zombies are roaming the streets and kids are eating broccoli like candy. You have been warned...

SA

11 comments:

Catherine said...

Congrats on your clean bill of auto health. I found a "history" book you may enjoy; Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It's a fascinating look at the menace in the time of Jane Austen ;).

Luna said...

Probably too late by the time you get home, but if you're looking for ice cream, it is Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day today! My favorite not-real-holiday of the year. :-D

Mouse said...

Oh, sh*t.. the zombie apocalypse is upon us? Man, I didn't go out and get milk today because I didn't feel well.. I knew that was going to backfire on me.

trek said...

Gosh, and I had broccoli for lunch and we all three had broccoli for dinner.

This isn't going to be good, is it?

Mia said...

oh my gosh sheepie! where did the dreamy eyed car guy go? I'll cross my fingers it was only a small bill.
Have FUN tonight!

Lynne said...

A new TV? A party on the weekend? The [forced] home-coming of your socialite camera? A clean bill of health on your automobile? Vacation? Knitting and nattering? Wow! What a tough life!

Karen said...

Today was obviously your day. You should have scheduled a doctor's appointment with a weight check and everything and a trip to the dentist. It seems like all you get today is good news. I hope it keeps up all week.

Knitting Linguist said...

Does this mean I can splurge and have more than two oreos tonight while watching Fringe? Because really, if the world's coming to end, who's going to care about the size of my behind? Whoo-hoo!!

Kath said...

Seems like a good time to buy a lottery ticket. Unless, of course, that might be like tempting the fates....

Donna Lee said...

I got my veggies in the form of tomato and broccoli pizza so I am good to live off snack cakes and yoohoo for a good long while. Thanks for the warning. I will be extra vigilant looking for any undead in our area.

debsnm said...

Perhaps if you tip-toe very, very quietly.