Thursday, January 15, 2009

New Heights

My life has often gotten a bit surreal.  Sometimes, though, it soars to new heights of absurdity.  I try to pretend that this is just the way everyone lives their lives.  But, deep down, I think I know better.

While Ms. Sheep is Trying To Teach Language Arts Class Today:

Student Who Lives A Far More Interesting Life Than I:  (in mid conversation...I can only assume this whole thing started with a discussion about the weather)  And then you can play Alaska!

Student Who Should Know Better But Probably Couldn't Resist Asking:  How do you play that game?  I've never heard of it.

SWLAFMILTI:  You take off all your clothes and see who can handle the cold for the longest.

Everyone In The Room:  (stunned silence)

SWLAFMILTI:  Oh, and I forgot the part where you open the windows.  You take off all your clothes and then you open the windows.  The first one to get cold and get dressed loses.

EITR:  (stunned silence)

SWLAFMILTI:  What?  You've never played that game?


While Ms. Sheep is Trying To Teach Math Class Today:

Student Who Is Only Human:  Ms. Sheep, can I go to the bathroom?

Ms. Sheep:  Of course, dear.  Just remember to wash your hands.  It is becoming more and more clear to me that 14 year old boys do not do that as often as the rest of the world would like.

SWIOH:  'kay!  (disappears into the bathroom)

(Time passes.  Ms. Sheep dutifully teaches her class.  Soon, the inevitable sounds of flushing and running water indicate the conclusion of SHIOH's imminent return to the class and that he will be doing so with clean hands.  Suddenly, from behind the closed door...)

SWIOH:  (in a soft, and oddly high-pitched tone for a teen aged boy)  Yay!!!

Everyone In The Room:  (stunned silence followed by uncomfortable giggles)

SWIOH:  (emerging from the bathroom grinning happily)  Guess what!!

Ms. Sheep:  Um...the evidence would indicate that everything

EITR: (helplessly giggling and incapable of anything remotely math-related)

SWIOH:  Well...yeah.  Thanks for asking.  But there are paper towels in there!  We didn't have those for two days and I had to flap my hands all over the place.  But now we do...yay!!!

MS:  For the rest of the eye contact.  That is the rule.  Glad to hear it all worked out.

The poor kid had to work in the back room for the rest of the period.  He was laughing too hard to be anything less than a distraction and I wasn't helping matters.  My stomach hurt from trying to hold in my own chortles and I couldn't help emitting the occasional, high pitched, "yay" every once in a while.  Had the poor boy not removed himself, he would have ended up back in the bathroom and I think we can all see how this would just be a very vicious cycle.

And it's only Thursday.  And I'm getting a cold...

That's OK.  I am nothing if not able to find the bright spot in any day.  My own version of "normal" may be slightly askew, but it is a comfort to me nonetheless.  My favorite and oh-so-accommodating school librarian can always be counted on to come to the rescue.  If she weren't such a sweetie, I'd surely think her a sorceress!  How else could she have known to put a copy of Brisinger on display right where I'd see it and so soon after I thought about wanting it?  

She's also really good when I say things like, "Don't you love it when you put books out for the kids and then some teacher comes along and snags them?"  She'll say something like, "That is what they are there for!  And it is the long weekend, isn't it?  You just enjoy it!"

Then there was that man in the ski mask who showed up at my door this afternoon.  Normally, I do not recommend opening your door to anyone in a ski mask because they are usually not anyone bearing good tidings.  It is more likely that they are there to set off a dirty bomb, mess with the settings on your DVR or steal a kidney for sale on the black market.  

But this one was also wearing a delivery-dude uniform.  And, since I missed a delivery yesterday, I figured it was worth taking the chance.  It's really cold out there so it makes sense that anyone who is going to be outside for any length of time might wear a ski mask.  Thus, right before that long weekend I was just mentioning, I now also have a three pack of Impending Zombie Apocalypse Training Films to watch!  That's, like, one per day!!!!!!!

We need not even mention the vast supply of fiber I have on hand and the time I can spend spinning merrily away now that my Wheel Mojo has returned.  Why, if I think about it all too much, I get a bit woozy!  I don't know quite how I will stand all the nice, normal, mood-stabilizing joy that is within my reach right now!!!!!

Of course, it probably all pales in comparison to a rousing game of Alaska...



trek said...

Sounds like the mental editors were out to lunch up there in Maine today ("yay").

A rousing game of Alaska, eh? Sound wicked cold to me. Call me a wimp, but I still think I'll pass ("yay").

Mel said...

Alaska probably isn't so bad if you've been sitting in a hot sauna for a bit. Otherwise, I'm not so sure.

Kath said...

FInding sufficient paper products in the restroom is worthy of a "yay" I think. But I'd be concerned about the Alaska kid. And hope to god you can forget THAT little gem before the next round of Parent/Teacher conferences!

Donna Lee said...

A whole pack of zombie training tapes! With a weekend just around the corner. Lucky you. I didn't return the netflix dvd's on time and so we will have to go to the store and find a movie if we want entertainment. If we can make ourselves go outside in the frigid cold.

Julie said...

At least now you know that at least one boy in your class washes his hands. That's a good thing :-)

Betsy said...

I thought of you yesterday afternoon when hearing that they were closing schools here today because it's going to be too cold (it's about 10). Wimps...we need to send some of these people to Maine so they can see how you do it! With or without Alaska...

Mia said...

it was so cold this morning, i played Alaska just getting out of bed!

Yarnhog said...

I personally would not open the door to anyone in a ski mask, even if he were wearing a uniform. But I suppose ski masks are less alarming when you live where it's 8000 degrees below zero than they are in San Diego. Here you could get heat stroke wearing a ski mask in January.

I am often struck by how many things I hear as a parent that I would never, in my wildest imagination, have imagined before I had kids. Ditto for the things I find myself saying.

Cursing Mama said...

I have a feeling that your roommates are going to win this Alaska game paws down. I suggest pulling the drapes before getting started.

Also, if you feel a cold coming on, you might want to put the game on hold until.....umm.....August.

kmkat said...

Alaska sounds... unappetizing.

Delivery guy in ski mask sounds... smarter than most teenagers.

Weekend sounds... promising!

Alwen said...

All I have to say is, "Yay!"

Karen said...

Do you think in Alaska they play Maine?

Knitting Linguist said...

Oh my god. How do you keep from laughing out loud at them? Alaska... snort... That's one thing about college students -- they don't usually come out with stuff like that (although there was that one student who kept writing something about a "beaver" on her test; it took me ages to figure out she was talking about the BE-verb -- oy). Yay.

knitseashore said...

You must have to bite your lip so hard to keep from cracking up!

If your students start joking and making references to zombies, I'd the meantime, stay as warm as you can with the cats and enjoy your long weekend!

Cathy said...

Are you sure you aren't teaching zombies?

I've wondered for a long long long time.

But then, I finally got my kid raised and now I have my suspicions just what was in his father's genes.