Monday, January 05, 2009

The First Monday

I think that the first Monday back from the school vacation can best be encapsulated by Social Studies class today.  SS is kind of a weird class on Mondays since half the kids are with the social worker during that time.  I teach the class.  Then I send the kiddies over to the other room when we are done and proceed teach the same thing all over again with the other half of the class.  Weird.  But today was even more weird.  More weirder.  Most weirdest, if you want the truth.

First Conversation That Had Nothing Whatsoever To Do With Social Studies

Cute Little Kid And Also The Only Sixth Grader In The Class:  Ms. Sheep!  I don't get number 4!!!  Hey!  Hey!!!  I don't get number 4!!!  Help!!!  The people who wrote this book forgot to tell us about number 4!!!

Ms. Sheep:  Yes, Dear Heart?  Are you having difficulty?  I shall hasten directly to your side and provide you with any and all assistance that is within my power to give.  I live to serve, Darling Boy.

(note:  It may not have come out exactly like that.  I may have said something more along the lines of, "Oh for crying out loud...I've already given the answer to that one fifty times and all you have to do is write down what I say!  You can see me, right?  I exist in your version of the universe, do I not?  Just put down the same answer I've given already!!!!!"  But I'm certain that he knew I meant to say that other thing about him being a darling and all....)

MS:  (proceeds to outline the information necessary to print the correct answer to number 4...again.)...and so now you can see that these were really the first indications that a civil war was soon to happen and...

CLKAATOSGITC:  (face lights up like like a blazing beacon) Hey!!!

MS:  Yes, sweetheart?  Have you had an epiphany of sorts?  Do you now fully comprehend the horror and significance that was the American Civil War?

CLKAATOSGITC:  No.  I smell donuts!!!!

There were no donuts and I did not in any way appreciate his having led me to believe that there were.  He was either hallucinating donuts or just trying to torture me because he somehow knows that it is the New Year and that I must now live on celery in order that I might someday button my jeans again.

Second Conversation That Had Nothing Whatsoever To Do With Social Studies:

Ms. Sheep is still waxing educational on the harbingers of civil war.  She does this knowing full well that none of them care.  They all just want to go to lunch.  They don't have to eat celery, you see.  Lunch still has meaning for them.

Kid Who Enjoys Saying Things To Get Me Totally And Hopelessly Off-Topic:  Hey, Ms. Sheep?  Did you just see a mushroom?

Kid Who Has The Enviable Ability To Really See The Joy In Life:  (looks at KWESTTGMTAHOT strangely, but cannot help cracking a smile)

Ms. Sheep:  No.  I did not see a mushroom.  Did you, by any chance, take one just now?

Joy-Boy:  (Falls helplessly to the floor, clutching his stomach and roaring with unchecked laughter)

I like to keep them a little off balance.  It helps me maintain just the slightest edge in a classroom where I am outnumbered and under-appreciated.  

We all survived the first day back, but I feared for my very sanity after ten or twelve more conversations of a similar nature.  Once the kids had cleared to the building so they could go back home and bother their real mommies and daddies for a while, I took a minute (or thirty) to enter a few grades then fled.  There was little left to salvage from this day.  The only thing you can do with a First Monday Back At School After Vacation is to let it dwindle down to its conclusion.  They aren't supposed to be good.  They are meant to be endured.


For every rule, there is an exception.  That's just the way rules are, you know.  And every once in a while, you are pleasantly surprised by one of those exceptions.

I tend to avoid the mail after midweek.  The mail brings bills and other sorts of unpleasant things.  I like to leave them to marinate for a few days before retrieving them.  The bills get to rest after their long journey and I get to enjoy my weekend.  Of course, the Monday Mailbox visit is often unpleasant as a result.  But today, there was more than the usual well-rested bills in the mail.  There was a key to the Big Mailbox That Holds Packages!

Back during those halcyon days of vacation, I got an email from Mia asking if I might be interested in taking a bit of alpaca yarn off her hands.  I, being a good sport and one who loves alpaca, said that I would be glad to give it a new home.  Who wouldn't want a couple of skeins of that soft, squishy goodness living in the stash?  The box arrived today.  It was not a couple of skeins of alpaca.

It was five skeins of alpaca!!!!  FIVE!!!!!!

That's, like, a pound of 'paca!  And, if you do the math, you will easily realize that five skeins of alpaca is just enough to balance out a First Monday Back At School After Vacation.  It's actually enough to tip the scales in favor of "happy."  It is now a very, very good day.  Thanks so much, Mia!  You are a treasure and a mathematical day-balancing genius!!!

It was even better than a donut.  Seriously.  



Anonymous said...

Just don't try to eat it. Donuts are better for the eating.

trek said...

Donuts don't add a lot of fiber to the diet. Alpaca adds a lot of fiber.

I think I like alpaca better than donuts.

But not necessarily better than cheesecake.

Kath said...

How cool! Mia definitely knows how to make a Sheepie's Monday!

But seriously, you were kinda jealous of that donut hallucination, right? 'Cause I would have been.

MathIsBeauty said...

Ooh, Alpaca over donuts any day. Just don't ask me about chocolate.

Mia said...

oh Lord, better than a donut?! Who knew? Enjoy it Sheepie :)

Donna Lee said...

It's definitely enough to tip the scales in favor of positive. What a grand surprise on the First Monday Back After A Holiday (mine was weird and now here on Tues with a storm of "wintry mix" on its way, it promises to be weirder).

Karen said...

That's some lovely alpaca!! It would totally turn a very bad day into an excellent day.

Beth said...

Great surprise package! What are you going to make with it?

Cursing Mama said...

Personally I'm pretty dang hungry for a donut right now (and I do believe I smell them too) so the alpaca isn't "doing it" for me.

Yarnhog said...

Wow! I'd rather have alpaca than a donut, too. Shoot, I'd even take it over chocolate.

Knitting Linguist said...

Alpaca makes any day a good day. And that's enough for some serious knitting joy! Congratulations on making it through your personal version of Groundhog's Day. (I sympathize: one semester, I had to teach three sections of the same class in the same classroom in a row. Insanity.)

Jeanne said...

There are rules for mail in this house, too. If it's a bill, I don't open it after 5 PM or dark, whichever comes first, and never on weekends. I figure, if it's scary, it's best I not know about it until daylight/business hours when I can actually DO something about it. Otherwise, I'll just waste precious hours worrying. I also won't answer the phone until I've had my coffee.

But... the Paca would make it all worthwhile! Yumm!

Verification: zinglow

knitseashore said...

After your day, I might get the donut on the way to the post office, and enjoy both at home on the couch with the BFK and AGK. There's still four more days of this first week to get through!

Anonymous said...

Alpaca is better than a donut any day!

p.s. Did you write about donuts knowing that I'd be reading this (at work) when there are donuts right outside my office door yelling to me? I'm trying my best to avoid them and you are not helping!