Saturday, May 05, 2007

At Least I Didn't Have To Bowl...

These are the things that can go wrong when you accompany 100 or so fifth grade students on a bowling field trip:

*You can joke with one of the fifth grade teachers (aka: The AntiKnitter) about your having to carry the asthma inhalers because he always forgets that he has them and takes them home after field trips. By some weird coincidence, you will soon find yourself on a different bus. And it may be the bus manned by The Screaming Teachers Who Hate All Fun. It may also be the really crowded bus. (For the record, The AntiKnitter claims that this was in no way a consequence for the teasing.)

*Upon arrival at the bowling alley, you may be confronted with a bowling league using over half the lanes. This generally does not happen when the school has reserved the lanes for the student's Drug And Alcohol Resistance Education graduation celebration.

*It is also rather unusual for the Drug And Alcohol Resistance Education graduation celebration to take place in the same bowling alley where several local bowlers are having their morning repast and for said repast to consist of lite beer and corn chips. And by morning, I do not mean, "well heck, it's almost noon so why not have a beer..." I mean "9:30 in the morning" kind of morning.

*You may have to chaperone the children who were unable to use bowling lanes due to league bowling while they wait it out in the arcade. You may suddenly notice that none of the classroom teachers have opted to help out with this.

*You may have to find a way to convince 8 fifth grade boys that the little merry-go-round is designed for toddlers and that their all piling on it at once is probably what is causing it to tilt so alarmingly.

*The students may blow out the amplifiers in the jukebox.

*They may also jam the soda machine.

*They may spend a great deal of their mad money on arcade games to earn tickets toward prizes only to have the management close the redemption window.

*One of the Screaming Teachers may arbitrarily decide, for reasons known only to himself, that no student should walk on the blue carpet. He will guard the blue carpet with his very life and bring down the wrath of God on any child who touches a toe on the blue carpet. (I wouldn't have cared much, really. Except that the blue carpet stood between the students and the trash cans. And the arcade where they could hang out when they were bored with bowling and contemplating less wholesome activities. And the restrooms...)

*You could attempt several times to protect the students from the Screaming Teacher with minimal success. You will then finally take The AntiKnitter's advice and just let it go since you can't really stop it. (The AntiKnitter had managed to find a rather good hiding spot, actually...)

*The pizza order could be misinterpreted and there might not be enough food for all the children. Some of the children will be on their third helping while others, who were immersed in their bowling, go hungry. (Fortunately, the police officer who was hosting the event made a quick call and back-up food arrived in short order. Cops get good service it seems...)

*You may have to enlist the help of two fifth grade girls to beg The AntiKnitter to let you back on the fun bus. (worked like a charm, but I had to swear that I would never, ever, ever mock his inhaler-toting abilities again, forever and forever, amen.)

But, there are some good things that happen on bowling field trips. Well...maybe one good thing. But that is better than nothing, right? A bowling field trip with 100 or so fifth grade students allows you the time to knit on the neglected sweet, stripey sock. And you can crank right up to the heel flap if you are willing to stay strong and/or lie about a wrist injury to avoid bowling.

Bowling Alley Sock! (at least partially...)
I still have a slight headache from the whole adventure, but it is nothing that a nice, relaxing weekend won't take care of. And this is the first weekend in a while that I've had all to myself. I had but one obligation and that was with Amy The World's Greatest Stylist which is less "obligation" and more "life coaching session." Today's cut and blow dry came with a side of purse approval (fabulous oversized tapestry tote that I picked up on clearance for five bucks) and the knowledge that I am, in general, looking good these days. I do, however, need to slow down a bit and consider not working too many hours over the summer. As that pretty much confirms what I wanted to do anyway, I'm all set.
Who needs therapy? I have a tiny, but powerful stylist to help me work through my bowling issues.


Anonymous said...

I really don't know how you do it. 100 5th graders - I need a valium just thinking about it!

The stripey sock is looking good.

Mouse said...

I agree.. that many kids AND a bowling alley would have me in the corner with my teddybear.

Anonymous said...

You do have a year before you have to do that again right?!?

TheAmpuT said...

You feigned a wrist injury while sitting there knitting? That makes me giggle...

brenda said...

I can't believe they bought the wrist injury thing. Don't they know that if you had a wrist injury, you couldn't knit?

kmkat said...

That sock? So totally worth lying to a bunch of non-cooperative fellow teachers and 100 sweet innocent ::cough:: fifth-graders about. It's a mighty sock. :-)

trek said...

I am running for my life now...Perhaps I shan't inform the school powers that be that the ankle has healed...maybe then they will not evre ask me to chaperone so many *darlings*.

crzjane said...

You are very much a stronger woman than I.
I would have had more than just a headach by the end of the field trip.
The Stripy Sock looks really nice. I don't think I would have been able to knit with all that going on.

Beth said...

Oh my! I'm glad you survived. What a mix-up letting the bowling league in, too. How did the bowling alley folks manage that?

mehitabel said...

Congratulations on surviving the trip, not strangling the Screaming Teacher with your sock yarn, and successfully avoiding bowling. And for next year's graduation, remember the word: "No." Say it slowly. Enunciate clearly. "No." Repeat as many times as necessary. Works like a charm. And for summer? Easy does it!

Cathy said...

It's Wednesday already?
100 5th graders and a good lookin' sock. Something must have gone right.

Anonymous said...

I need that cop to accompany my next dinner party!

Anne said...

You are a wayyyy better woman than I. I think I would have popped someone (possibly one of the lite beer bowlers) just to have the police take me into custody for a nice quiet ride downtown in their car by myself.