You Would Have Done The Same Thing.

Before I confess, let me give you a little of the "background." There are reasons behind my actions and I think that you will grant me a little leeway once you understand the magnitude of the situation. There are those who would have done worse. I'm sure of it.

I have had a little work-related drama of late. A rather large project that would, under ordinary circumstance, only involve the most basic of input on my part was unceremoniously dumped in my lap three weeks ago. It was one of those tasks that is normally handled by administration. Why they threw up their hands and said, "Why don't we ask The Sheep to do it? Heaven knows she is just the most organized of souls and can certainly tackle this on top of her regular teaching and kid wrangling duties" is beyond me. I know me. I would not have trusted me with this task. I would have asked someone else. Anyone else. One of the fifth graders could have done it more efficiently. But, for whatever the reason, I was handed a large stack of resumes and told to fill three positions.

It was nothing short of insanity. In between teaching and attending meetings and whatnot, I called candidates, argued over the best way to advertise the positions, scheduled interviews, rescheduled interviews after the principal told me he was already committed during that time frame, then held the interviews all by myself when the principal was unable to make the meetings that I set up after the rescheduling. My special education director (whose job it is to do this normally) was not heard from throughout this series of events.

Today, in an unprecedented fit of charity, the director showed up at school and proceeded to conduct interviews on my behalf. This would have been incredibly thoughtful of him and greatly appreciated had it not been for the following:

1. I had already completed all the interviews and called all references

2. One of the candidates he was interviewing today was a gentleman that I had met with just yesterday. Had the gentleman been at home instead of on his way back to school for yet another interview he would have been there to receive my call offering him one of the positions we have available.

3. The position for which the director was interviewing the gentleman is not the one I offered. It is the one I offered to another candidate.

4. All of this information and more was included, in great and loving detail, as part of the two emails that I sent to the director yesterday. More information was included in the email I had to send at 9:00 last night after it became clear to me by his repy that the director was a bit confused.

5. Another email was sent this very morning restating the previous information.



I probably would have handled this whole thing a bit better had the director not found the whole situation so funny. It was not funny. It was the opposite of funny. I will admit that there were a couple of humorous moments involved. There was the principal promising to post bail for The Sheep should she follow through on the course of bloody action that she was considering. The sight of The Sheep waving printed emails about the hallways as she cried out for all to hear, "I am not crazy! Not crazy, I tellya!!!" was probably mildly amusing. And who could not look back on the memory of three teachers all waving various forms of chocolate at their beleaguered colleague in an effort to lure her away from the director without a little chuckle?

But, on the whole, it wasn't all that funny. It was three weeks of work (that I shouldn't have been doing) which almost went down the drain due to a well-past-the-stage-of-helpful intervention.

So when I was out this afternoon purchasing the Friday bribes for the children, the weekly chocolate rations for my staff and a going-away gift for my departing teaching assistant, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that I needed to indulge in a little of the stress relief. Some people drink, others play the ponies. There are those who get into fights or frequent houses of "ill-repute."

I buy underpants.

Now before you get all judgemental, I know that this is a sickness and I promise to get help at some point. But there was some logic applied to this whole thing. These are string bikinis and I didn't have any of those in my vast collection at the time of purchase. And it entertains me when the extra bits of Sheep at the hip roll over the strings, rendering them invisible. This makes it look like my underwear is being held up by magic. You have your hobbies, I have mine...

Besides, they were on sale. "Clearance", actually. A package of four for $2.97. That is a good deal and rounds out my pantie supply nicely. Since admitting to the new totals would be also be admitting to a few purchases that I haven't told you about, I shall keep the current tally to myself. I can say that I have surpassed the numbers reported before the summer of '06 pantie purge. Entire fields of cotton and whole Spandex forests have been felled in order that my addiction might be fed.

But, I stand by my theory that none of this is really my fault. If the director had simply read my emails in their entirety, I would be able to close my underwear drawer. Well...halfway at least. And I really think that the staff who intervened to save him instead of letting me just pummel him with copies of my emails bear part of the responsibility. They issue your underpants in prison so you don't have to buy them. I would have 7 pairs in my cell and that would be it. And, if I were allowed to have other, more interesting, vices at my age then this also could have been avoided.

Did I mention that they were on sale? And that I didn't kill anyone? And that I also bought things for the children?

::hangs head in shame, realizing that she is rationalizing and that everyone knows it::

SA