Say My Name!!!

I need a hobby. Wait...I have a hobby. I have several. That's too bad. Because now I have no real excuse for my inability to keep my mind occupied in a manner that is even loosely associated with "normal."

At the beginning of the week, I stopped in at my local convenience store where I make my daily food/fuel/soda/whatever purchases. The clerk who has, for years, addressed me by a series of rather charming endearments along the lines of "hon," "sweetie," and "dear," decided that we are to now be on a first name basis. I was asked for my name, given hers and our relationship was forever changed. I mourned the loss of my morning dose of the maternal mushiness. And spent days in uncomfortable self-examination over how I became so darned needy.

I haven't seen her since that day. My routine has not accommodated it. Today, though, I needed to make the stop. It was to be Chapter One in the story of our new and improved retail relationship.

I'll admit that I was a bit nervous. I sat in the truck for just a minute wondering if I looked all right and cursing myself for choosing today to cut my own bangs. (a mistake, in case you were wondering, but I missed my last appointment with Amy The World's Greatest Stylist and don't have another until the end of the month) This was not the time to be messing around with my look! Me 'n the store clerk are now cruising along in BFF status, for crying out loud!!! What was I thinking??? I breathed deeply and told myself to just "be cool." No one likes a clingy customer. Behave yourself in a manner befitting a patron who is now elevated to first name status, for heaven's sake!

After my little pep talk, I strode confidently into the market and headed to the counter to make my purchases. I smiled the smile of one who has made it into the inner circle and nodded benevolently at the other poor unfortunates who must continue to live in anonymity.

She greeted me. I got one "hon" and one "sweetie." I waited. That was it.

What happened??? I thought we had moved our relationship to the next level. I thought we had something special! How did we go from having a "moment" to this? Was I about to be plunged into one of those "it's not you it's me; things are just going too fast; maybe you should see other convenience store clerks for a while" kind of conversations?

Then I thought that she might be waiting for me to make the next move. Maybe she expected, after having taken that first step, that it was up to me to close the deal. All I needed to do was use her name...just say, "Hey, D**! How's it going, there?" Or, "What's the haps, D**?" Maybe throw her a little of the, "Gosh, D**, it's a super-riffic kind of day!" Any of those would have worked. I know they don't look so good in print, but I'm pretty sure I could have made them sound less hysterical had I uttered them whilst striking a casual pose of some sort. And I came really close...

But, in the end, I fled. Yes, I did say my thank you's for the service rendered and all, but there was no exchanging of name-tagged pleasantries. We are right back where we started. Which, if you recall, was sort of where I wanted to be in the first place. And yet I feel this nagging sense of having been dumped...

Clearly I am not ready for an exclusive and long term relationship with my convenience store clerk. I need to keep it casual. If the confusion over how to address the purveyor of my Mountain Dew and gasoline is cause for a day of wondering whether I am still desirable as a First Name Buddy, then I probably should keep playing the field for a bit. You know, go to a few other stores, try some different coffee...maybe peruse a few of the name tags and see if any of them strike a chord.

Suddenly, I'm very tired. And very much aware of my tendency to make drama where none ever existed in any way, shape or form.

I'll just be here eating Girl Scout cookies and wondering where it all went so wrong. I hear that's what one does after a break-up...

SA