Volunteers?

I seriously don't know how I function in this world. I don't know why anyone dares to leave me to my own devices at all. Why there haven't been a phalanx of support staff, caregivers and social services people knocking on my door at all hours is beyond me.

I know by now that I function best within a certain routine. I don't do well with change. I get all flustered and excited. I do stupid things. I don't suddenly find myself married or with vast piles of unexplained cash lying about or anything. I've never had to go before a judge to explain my actions. But it is always a possibility, I suppose.

I need a keeper. I should take out an advertisement in the local paper or wear a sign around my neck. Feel free to send your resumes to: Confused Sheep c/o General Delivery.

Last week, in a well-intentioned attempt to save myself a little time, I went to a different store to do the weekly marketing. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It was a nice big super-dooper store that sells groceries, underpants and auto parts all under one roof. It was brilliant really. But, I think I got a little overwhelmed by all the possibilities. I knew that I needed the weekly groceries (which is really fairly simple since I eat the same thing every day) and a zipper for the bag I had just cast off the needles. Not too challenging. But I somehow found myself completely awestruck by the large display marked, "We Overbaked!!" that held many, many baked goods at ridiculously reduced prices. Why I felt I needed two dozen cheese danish I will never know. I actually could use the dinner rolls...but not nearly the amount that I purchased.

So entranced was I by the thought of freshly baked yummies gracing my cupboards that I completely neglected to purchase the healthier items that comprise my daily lunches. With the recent tightening of the waistband on my jeans, it is really somewhat important that I stick to my daily Fruit-Only routine during the day. Every once in a while, I live it up and have one of those 90 calorie snack bars, but I'm fairly committed to the fruit. Except when I forget to buy it.

It's not like I didn't end up going to my regular store later to get all the other things that I couldn't find in the super-dooper store. I could have easily redeemed myself at that point. But I didn't. I did, however, find a cool new shade of eyeshadow...it is kind of the color of fruit.

And so it was that The Sheep stood in her kitchen this morning with limited choices for her lunchtime fare. The final outcome involved the packing of a withered orange from last week and the last three low-cal cereal bars, the vintage of which is unclear given my track record for cleaning out the larder. It was a tough choice: death by food poisoning or starvation. Hysterical Mind had a field day with this one, I tellya... Hunger won out and I did eat my stale food, but I was nervous and had to fight the urge to have the school nurse check my pulse and temperature on an hourly basis.

I stopped at the store on the way home today and grabbed some bananas and apples to see me through the week. I suppose I can award myself some points for getting it right eventually. But there is going to come a day when I will be unable to care for myself at even this most pathetic of levels. It is simple biology, really. The mind starts to falter after a certain number of birthdays. If I'm living like this now, I shudder to think what is going to be happening during my golden years.

I'm not completely useless at this point, though. I'm doing remarkably well with those activities that have nothing to do with actual survival. I finished the first bobbin of the Merino/Silk blend from Spunky Eclectic and am into the second. I've been spinning a bit thicker these days for reasons I can't explain. But, I'm pleased with the results and think that this is going to make for a stunning worsted weight yarn.

Rocky Mountain High...a colorway I am coming to love!

Assuming that I can remember to actually feed and water myself, I may even have the strength to finish up another bobbin this week. Who knows? I might even manage to get it plied! And if all else fails, I still have all those cheese danish that need to be consumed by the sole occupant of this household before they go stale. That could keep me alive long enough to get this done before my arteries clog up with the cheese and trans fats.

Really...send those resumes, Professional Caregivers. Someone needs to be checking in here.

SA