Sunday, December 31, 2006

I Resolve To Decide On A Resolution...

I'm bad with the resolutions. Yeah...I can make 'em pretty well. I can resolve with the best of them. I can declare them with all the solemnity of a nun taking her final vows. I can remember to put them in writing, tell all my friends and family of my new agenda for better living and create a detailed plan for following through. I can come up with literally pages of resolutions.

I have a lot to work on...

But, within days, I'm pretty much over it. Those flaws that seemed so glaring on December 31st conveniently become "cute little quirks" by January 10th. I dunno. Maybe I'm just too close to the whole thing. I wonder what it might be like if I let the "others" in my life come up with better resolutions for the new year. What, if anything, would they see as areas for improvement?

Helpful Suggestions From The Sheepish Annie Cast Of Characters With Regard To "07 Resolutions:

The World's Greatest Stylist: The Sheep needs to knit more. Specifically, she needs to knit handwarmers. More specifically, she needs to finish the pair that she promised to me. She could also consider more liberal use of conditioner.

The Staff At Dr. Judy's Office: We are in agreement that The Sheep needs to resolve to never, ever, ever call us again ostensibly to double check on the time of her scheduled x-ray then casually mention that she is running a fever of 105. We did not like that. We felt badly about yelling at her like that, but you can see our point. We understand that she had the Monkey Pox and all...but we don't like to be surprised that way. We are also putting in our vote for her remembering to take those calcium supplements that we told her she needed for the osteopenia. Just because she doesn't like having the spine of a 90 year old woman doesn't make it any less true.

Dr. DeSade, DMD: Eh...let her do whatever she wants. Her slacking with the dental care bought me a new boat in '06. And I have a whole new set of shiny, pointy things from Bloodletters R Us that I'd like to try out.

Desdemona and Persephone: We might appreciate it if The Sheep resolved to use our real names every now and again. This business of being called, "The Big, Fluffy Kitty" and "Her Smaller, Less Fluffy Counterpart" is dehumanizing. We feel that, as masters of this household, we deserve more respect. In fact, should this resolution not be taken under advisement, we can promise an increase in the horking up of hairballs and shoe-shredding. We do so hate to resort to threats and blackmail. It is beneath us. But we will do what we have to do...

Rational Mind: We need to get organized around here. I'd like to recommend that we put together a spreadsheet to get an accurate accounting of yarn, fiber and fiber-related items then develop a complicated system for storing the aforementioned. We will then be able to better determine our purchasing needs for '07. I'd also like to suggest that we consider a course of medication to help keep Hysterical Mind occupied. She needs a hobby if we are going to take on this project and a little game of "What Does This Red Pill Do?" might be just the thing...

Hysterical Mind: We need to get organized around here!!!! There are any number of possible threats to life and limb lurking around this very condo! We could trip and impale ourselves on a needle! We might get our feet entangled in that large tuft of Corriedale on the floor over there and land on The Big, Fluffy Kitty!! Does old wool throw off fumes??? I've been feeling a little light-headed lately, you know!!! Should we call in someone to do an air quality test??? Oh, and another thing...I'm thinking that we might want to consider some sort of medication to see if we can't get Rational Mind on board with all this. There's nothing like a rousing round of "What Does This Magenta Pill Do?" to help raise the old paranoia level!

The Friendly Staff At My Local Grocery Store: Please! We beg of you! Resolve to shop less frequently! Whenever you are here, something goes horribly wrong in our generally happy place of business. Doors that worked perfectly mere minutes ago suddenly cease opening! Customers who have never once given us any sort of problem become incapable of moving in the aisles causing a severe back-up in Frozen Foods. We are currently in the process of taking up some sort of collection to hire you a personal shopper. In the meantime, though, would you consider gracing us with your presence only once per week?

The Truck-Fixing Guys: Wouldja puh-leeeez stop ignoring the lights that come on in the dashboard? They are telling you something. Sure, at first we enjoyed your business. Two of us now have kids at Ivy League Schools thanks to your kind donations. But, after a while, we started to feel kinda bad about it. You seem like a nice lady. You never call us names when we hand you the bill and you've done a real nice job keeping this new car cleaner than the last. We hate to see you spending your retirement dollars on repair bills. Just look at the lights. They will tell you what to do!

The Underpants Manufacturing Industry: While we appreciate your ongoing dedication with regard to panty hoarding, we feel that you are cornering the market. We are also having some difficulty keeping up with your underpants purchases. As of this past summer, you noted that you had 57 pairs currently residing in your top drawer. While you may not be blogging about it, our undercover agents have recorded several incidents of lingerie purchasing over the past few months. This is a sickness. You need help. And you need to leave some underpants for the rest of the world's population. We join the multitudes living with tattered unmentionables and drooping waistbands in demanding that your resolution for this new year be to stop buying underwear!!! You are all set! Leave some for the rest of us, for crying out loud!


Hmmm...all very good suggestions. Certainly worthy of consideration tonight as I ring in the New Year from the comfort of my couch and raise my glass of Mountain Dew. More to the point, I think it also covers the more "interesting" blogging topics for the past year. I'll mull them over and get back to you all on this one. I fear, though, that this will be yet another year of failed resolution-keeping. It is just not one of my strengths...

Here's hoping that you all have a wonderful start to the New Year. May all your resolutions come true!

SA

16 comments:

Beth said...

I'm with you on the resolution thing. That's why I don't make them anymore. I found your list of potential resolutions very entertaining, though!

Happy 2007 to you, SA! Don't change a thing. :)

Bobbi said...

Yeah, I don't really "do" resolutions either. Thanks for a 2006 worth of wonderful reads! Happy New Year!

mrichme said...

Don't forget:

The Ankle-Biters At Work: Ms. Sheep needs to keep her diet in balance. Too much fruit makes her grumpy which makes up grumpy and mean! That means Ms. Sheep does more work than she needs to do.

Happy New Year Sheepish!

--Deb said...

Overall, a good list of potential resolutions, all prime and ready to be tossed overboard come January 10th. That's my Dad's birthday, in fact, and I'm sure he'd be happier knowing that YOU are happy, so, heck, I say adopt them all! Happy New Year.

Anne said...

No resolutions for me this year, but what is it with cat aliases? I think we have 4 or 5 already for the kitten. Maybe we should all just pick something that we'll call them from the get-go. Mrs. Fluffer-butter-nutter or something....

Happy New Year!

trek said...

Stuff the resolutions.
Enjoy life.
Knit.
Spin.
Be happy.

Mia said...

::raising my glass from the comfort of my couch where I'm relaxing in my jammies::

Here's to a fun, strong, healthy and just plain awesome 2007 Sheepie.

I'm ready, what about you? *grin*

Julie said...

Yes, you need to listen to the Big, Fluffy Kitty and her Smaller, Less Fluffy Counterpart. Show them some respect, woman!

And the panties, I for one could use some new ones, so please stop buying so there will be some for me.

Happy, Happy New Year! Don't drink to much Dew :)

C said...

I have one resolution - keep an eye on HM. Have a Happy New Year. I'm in my jammies too with lots of coffee (oh yeah, I resolved to knock off the coffee drinking last year).

catsmum said...

I'll just chime in with all the usual suspects and wish you a very wooly New Year

catsmum said...

and thanks to the time difference I get to come back and be the first comment of the New Year :]
[although it was well and truly jan 1st here when I made that last one ]

mehitabel said...

I will come back later and make a "real" comment when I can stop laughing! Are your cats really named Desdemona and Persephone?? And yes, mine all have nicknames too. So do my kids. (I, however, have never had one and therefore had to rechristen myself mehitabel.)

Jeanne said...

Maybe it's the wine talking, but I found it odd that Fluffball and Fluffball the Lesser would feel "dehumanized". Purr-haps they meant to say "defelinized"? ;-)

OK, I know I'm just weird.

Your resolutions are too darned funny. May you be blessed with all good things in 2007!

Lorraine said...

Do your UFO's have any suggestions for the resolution list? UFO's top my list every year - finish three before starting something new and the older, the better.

Knit, I AM said...

Your 2007 Resolutions had me laughing so hard :) Of course it didn't help that I've been knitting for 4 hours with wine.

Happy New Year Sheepish Annie!

May your 2007 be as joyful as you are :)

Lazuli said...

I rarely do resolutions myself, given that I usually break them. However, your list was quite fun to read! At the end of 2007, you'll have to tell us if any of their suggestions came to fruition. Happy New Year!