Thursday, December 07, 2006

Grocery Shopping Day.

It's always something. I rarely seem to be able to go to the store, buy what I think I need, forget six things, pay for my purchases and leave like normal people. Don't get me wrong. There have never been super spies repelling from the ceiling, intent on taking over the local market as a base for their nefarious doings. I have yet to be faced with a horde of bloodthirsty vampires or tax collectors. I haven't really ever had to fight for my life in order that I might gain sustenance for the week.

But there is always some small annoyance that makes the whole process, well...kinda silly. I have stood in line, precariously balancing a two ton container of kitty litter, while some dude lays on the conveyor belt. (he did have the good grace to apologize so I let it go.) I have had a can of mousse inadvertently flung at me by the store manager, necessitating some fairly impressive avoidance maneuvers on my part. Total strangers have spilled their guts to me. I'm not talking, "Gee, I have a blister and it's killing me." I'm talking, "My husband just left me, my son was in a horrible motorcycle accident yesterday and my hair seems to be falling out."

I'm a magnet for the silly. I call to the needy. The Sheep is something of a siren song for the clumsy, socially inept and boundary challenged. It is my lot in this life. I make the best of it.

Given that tomorrow's to-do list includes a date with the surgeon and the demise of The Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions, I thought that I might get the shopping done tonight. I'm not anticipating any real difficulty, but the idea of heading out after having any kind of "procedure" seemed risky. I don't mind sporting a Band-Aid or anything...but I don't know what this entails and would rather just head home in the event that MODD relocation comes with swaddling in bandages. Call me vain...because it's true.

I left school a bit later than usual as I'd been doing some planning for my absence tomorrow and headed my weary self in the direction of my local market. I'm tired. I'm not exactly at my most "observant" when I'm tuckered out. It took me a minute to realize that there was something amiss at the entrance. At first, I took the hulabaloo to be the result of a few local seniors stopping at the doors for a little chewing of the fat. I steeled myself for some Academy Award winning sighing and eye-rolling. I mean, after all, why actually attempt to resolve the situation when you can be put-out and childish?

And yet, there seemed to be more to this little scene than a cursory observation might glean. The doors were closed. We were all a bit stymied by this. In our world, the magic doors open upon our approach. No one really knew how to handle this. We did what people do best in this situation and just stood there, hopefully awaiting the arrival of someone "in authority."

Long story, short, this is how The Sheep and ten or so senior citizens ended up standing outside the local grocery store watching no less than five managerial types fight with an automatic door that would not open. Never in the history of mankind have so many dudes in bad ties all converged to not solve a situation. And, I am ashamed to admit, not a one of us in the helpless gaggle of would-be consumers had the wherewithal to go try the other entrance to the store.

Hope springs eternal here in the great state of Maine. Until, that is, we are told to disperse and go try another means of entry.

Several passes by the door during my shopping excursion allowed me to view the bringing of the drill and the removal of the door for easier access and eventual repair. It also allowed me to overhear how "the guy" had just been there to fix it earlier in the day. Nice job.

As if that weren't enough, I had another "incident" upon leaving the store. I was even more tired at that point and didn't really react to the words, "Hey, whatcha makin' me for dinner?" It took me a minute. I had to process this. There, standing before me in all her glory and wearing a genuine Sheep knit scarf I beheld:

Amy The World's Greatest Stylist.

The one with whom I have an appointment on Saturday. The one who I was going to call and reschedule the appointment as I didn't finish her holiday handwarmers. The one that I specifically wrote about calling and discussing the rescheduling with in a post on this very blog mere days ago. The one I sort of forgot to call. Yeah...that Amy.

We hugged and she expressed her regret over the amount of frozen pizza in my cart. I explained that I was having day surgery tomorrow and that I really didn't think I'd be up to cooking. I put on my "brave little soldier" face and said that I would do everything within my power to make our appointment. She, being a kind and nurturing sort, told me to call her and reschedule. She told me that everything would be fine and not to worry about a thing.

And, standing there in the face of forgiveness that only a stylist can bestow, I caved. I sang like a canary on crack and confessed that I had not finished her gift yet. I am weak. You have to know'd break, too. Trust me. She laughed it off, but I now live in great shame.

The grocery store just never seems to work out well for me. Seriously...



Julie said...

Oh Sheepie, you are too funny!

Good luck with the removal of the MODD tomorrow.

debsnm said...

Dearest sheep - you'll be fine! MODD will be a mere memory by this time tomorrow night, and you'll finish the mitts for your favorite stylist - OK, not in time for the appointment, but I bet you get them done before Christmas!

trek said...

Yikes. Remind me not to go grocery shopping with you, okay? Yarn shopping, yes, frozen pizza, um, not.

HM: the procedure will be fine and you will be so happy that the MODD will be gone.

Anonymous said...

Honesty is always the best policy. You will finish the gift, just not by Saturday. Don't you love seeing that someone appreciates your knitted gifts when you run into them in public. That's so nice.
Good luck tomorrow. Everything will be fine. I'll be thinking about you.

Beth said...

Okay, my daughter keeps calling down the stairs "What? Tell me! What?!" as I laugh about you all standing by the door, waiting, instead of going to another door. Very funny!

I understand why you confessed to Amy. It happens to me all the time. I am always blabbing about things I haven't done, did wrong, should have done...even when it's not necessary. If you figure out how to stop doing that, PLEASE tell me! :)

Knittymama said...

I just love the image of all of you standing there.

Good luck tomorrow. Hope your band-aid's not too big:-)

Lazuli said...

Wow, those do sound like "exciting" grocery trips! Good luck with the appointment tomorrow, and I'm glad Amy was understanding.

Sheila said...

I can comment now that I've stopped laughing.
The site formerly known as MODD will only get better each day. I hope you're feeling well enough to blog tomorrow eve (even if it is a Friday), but if not, we'll understand.

Debby said...

evnI've caught up just in time for a good grocery store story! I would feel sad to have missed that...

Best wishes with the MODD removal tomorrow. I know you'll be just fine and you will have something funny to tell about it afterwards...but stay away from the grocery store just in case. I'm sure the kitties will be on sick duty as soon as you get home. Mine take turns on the end of the bed...

Kate said...

I'm sure everything will go really well today.

Debbie said...

" the event that MODD relocation comes with swaddling in bandages"... Not to worry. This is the right season for swaddling, non?

Seriously, thinking lots of good thoughts for the procedure.

hillary said...

I hope that all goes well today. I am laughing because I realized the other day that I won't finish the gift i had in mind for my stylist on time either and, I considered rescheduling my appointment but i'm gonna make it for next year's gift instead.

cursingmama said...

Oh my. I have to wonder what you & a dozen seniors would have done had you been stuck on the inside of the door with say, a small fire. Would you have stood their and watched while the managers fought with the door or would you find another exit.

Maybe it's best not to ask ;)

good luck with the procedure that you're hiding from HM.

Brandie said...

Good luck tomorrow. I had a mole, okay, really a freckle, removed this summer and told dh to make sure hte kids knew I loved them in case something happened @@@@

Anyway, good luck with it all and more than likely you'll be fine by dinner time! I'll be checking in to see how you did!

catsmum said...

oh goodie I'm not the only one who is compelled to be honest about not-finished or not wrapped or just NOT!
In fact I did it today ... David's carer isn't coming Tuesday like I expected so I fessed up that his pressie isn't wrapped yet.

Diana said...

I am going to pray that when I arrive at the grocery store today, the doors will not open and I can put off grocery shopping for another day or two.