Sunday, December 03, 2006

It's Been A While.

The two opposing factions that make up the addled mind of The Sheep have been quiet since the last round of truck dysfunction. Today, however, Rational Mind and Hysterical Mind made a guest appearance in The Sheep household. We join the debate just as Hysterical Mind, who has spent much of the day worrying about what food in the freezer is now bacteria-laden and deadly following Friday's power outage, discovers a Post-It note on the coffee table:

Hysterical Mind: ...and this is why we are all going to die a horrible and painful death. Hey, what's this?

Rational Mind: It's nothing, nothing at all. You were saying? Something about writhing in agony as the bacteria overcomes us?

HM: No...this is something. It has a date on it. And a time. Are we going somewhere? Why wasn't I told about this? What are you keeping from me? Are we getting married?

RM: Relax. It's nothing. Look! There's the Christmas Tree! Isn't it pretty?

HM: Now I know there's something wrong! We're pregnant, aren't we? Oh, heavens to betsy, what are we gonna do now! I need to knit booties! Somebody get me a skein of low-priced, baby weight acrylic! We'll take the label off and tell everyone that it is alpaca! Let's move people!!!!

RM: Calm down. We are not pregnant. We are menopausal. Which probably accounts for your being so 'prevalent' of late. No, we are just having a little "procedure" later in the week and I didn't want to bother you with it. You seemed pretty preoccupied with the whole "putting up the Christmas tree" thing and all.

HM: A procedure???? What kind of procedure???? And why do we have to go to Portland for this? Why can't we see Dr. Judy? I want Dr. Judy!!! Who is this strange person in Portland who will be proceeding all over us???

RM: This is why I don't tell you these things. We are simply going to visit with the plastic surgeon to see about having the Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions removed. No big deal. Dr. Judy is sending us there because it is on our face. You know Dr. Judy...she wouldn't send us to a bad place. Now why don't you go take a little NyQuil or something? That always seems to calm you down.

HM: The mole?? The mole??? Why are we having it removed? Do we have cancer? I'll bet we have cancer! You knew we had cancer and didn't tell me!!! I'm too young to die! There is so much I haven't worried about!

RM: We don't have cancer. Despite all the energy you seem to put into thinking we have cancer, we never have cancer. It is a mole. It has gotten bigger. We have discussed this before and we agreed that, once something grows large enough to cast its own shadow, it should be removed. I should think you'd be happy about this. You hate the Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions.

HM: I know...but I would have appreciated the heads-up. You know I have a lot on my plate right now what with global warming, the holidays and that whole Death From The Freezer fiasco. I could have moved a few things around and gotten to worrying about this in a more timely manner. You know I like to be organized about my stressors.

RM: You're right and I'm very sorry. Look, why don't you take your mind off it for a while. You've had quite a bit going on lately. Let's take a break and go knit a few rows on the handwarmers we're making for Amy, The World's Greatest Stylist.

HM: um...

RM: What?

HM: Well, about those...

RM: What???

HM: I, um, sorta...

RM: What!!!

HM: ...ripped 'em.


HM: They were too big! You know it, I know it...heck, even the cats knew it. I could see them sneaking looks at us and laughing. They were too big! Amy wanted them smaller! She said so! She does our hair! She does our highlights! We are powerless in her presence! We can't give her too-big handwarmers!

RM: Our next appointment is Saturday! We are sooooo screwed! Are you completely insane??? Omigod...I can't breathe!!

HM: Oh, relax. Remember? We're having a "procedure" on Friday. A proceeeeeedure! It is the perfect excuse. We just call, cancel the appointment and reschedule for the following week. That will buy us time. It'll be fine. You really need to learn how to get more of a handle on these things, you know. All that stress will kill you.

RM: I hate you. I hate you so very, very much.

HM: Let's go see about that NyQuil...I'm really feeling much better about all this now.
After a fashion, I was able to calm everybody down and convince them that the consumption of cold medication solely for its sedating effects was just dysfunctional behavior. At that point, a little snack seemed in order. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am not one for much variety in my diet. I pretty much live on frozen pepperoni pizza and flavored water. But, I have to say, I am just a fool for hummus. Or hommus, if you prefer. I go with "hummus" since there are so few words in the English language that you can actually spell phonetically and I like to take advantage when I can. At any rate, my personal favorite is roasted red pepper hummus with reduced fat Wheat Thins crackers. I generally just purchase it for quickness of consumption, but was jonesin' for the homemade version today. It is an easy and fast way to fill the maws of even the most quarrelsome of brain factions. If you're interested, it goes a little something like this:
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
1 red pepper
1 can chick peas (garbanzo beans)
2 TB olive oil
2TB lemon juice
2TSP minced garlic
2 TB tahini paste (in the health food section near the peanut butter)
3 TB water
salt and pepper to taste
Roast the red pepper in the oven at 400 degrees until the skin starts to blacken and can be easily removed. Cool and peel.
In a food processor or blender (I like to use a stick blender), combine chick peas, oil, lemon juice, garlic, tahini paste, half the pepper and water.
Process until the mixture is a creamy puree, adding more water if needed.
Add salt and pepper to taste


Everyone involved in the earlier melee was happily munching away for much of the afternoon and peace was restored once more. I was even able to get in a bit of a nap!

Sadly, though, I must sign off now. It seems that Hysterical Mind managed to get a hold of a catalogue of some sort and has just spotted the newest in the "skinny jeans" trend. We're having some sort of "how could you have let me eat so much hummus and ruin my chances for fashion forwardness?" episode. I probably should go deal with this.

Rational Mind is nowhere to be found at this point.



Julie said...

Yummmmy! That hummus sounds wonderful. I may have to make a trip to the grocery store tomorrow. I already have the lowfat whet thins. I can taste it already.

Julie said...

oops; I meant wheat thins.

trek said...

iUm, does Southern Maine Medical know about RM and HM? Hmm??

Cancel the appointment and reschedule, though. Remember even a broken clock (uh, Hysterical Mind) is right twice a day (once in December).

Sheila said...

Now you've got my mouth watering...mmmm.
I had a similar argument within myself before the wisdom teeth came out...I should have listened to HM, maybe I wouldn't have this ever-growing hole in my lower gum.
I'm sure youe stylist will understand.

catsmum said...

another hummus junkie? Wondeful... now Nadie and I are not alone. My hummus consumption skyrockets when she's around as it is ... do I dare show her THE recipe?
and btw consumption of cold medication for its sedating properties is a perfectly reasonable thing to do [ well it better be or I'm in trouble ]

Beth said...

I need to try that recipe! Yum! I agree - postpone the hair appointment.

Mel said...

Mmmmm, hummus. That's what I had for "breakfast" this morning, even though it was really my midnight snack, just before I went to bed. I even thought to myself that I just make my own, since mine is usually better than the stuff from Hannaford. And I do have those 5# of organic chickpeas. and all that tahini. just no time.

Anonymous said...

Hummus is much better for HM than say a couple of shots of tequila.
Reschedule your appointment. Amy will completely understand about the procedure.

Lorraine said...

ROFLOL - you put into words the crazy dialogue that goes on in my own brain all the time. And the hummus sounds divine!!! Got to give it a try - soon. Skinny pants be d*#ned.

debsnm said...

Take Benadryl instead - tiny little pink & white pills, without that nasty after-taste - you can always say "my allergies are acting up" and trust me, there's no better rest than benadryl-induced snoring.