Saturday, December 23, 2006

Roll Out The Red Carpet!

It's time for the First Not Quite So Annual, Really More Like Something The Sheep Thought Up Because She Has More Time On Her Hands Than Is Good For Her And The Voices Told Her To...Sheepish Annie Awards!!!!!

(insert applause, paparazzi and starlets in precariously arranged gowns here)

Tonight we salute stuff that is relevant to The Sheep and the things she has done over the last couple of days. It's been quite the undertaking this year, I don't mind telling you! There have been so many worthy entries and that is pretty hard to do when the categories are subject to the whims of a middle aged blogger with attentional issues. But the judges have been hard at work determining who will reign supreme in these arbitrary categories and I think you'll agree that the right folks will be taking the bows. (and when I say, "judges" I, of course, mean: The Sheep, Hysterical Mind, Rational Mind, The Big, Fluffy Kitty and Her Smaller, Less Fluffy Counterpart.) Let's get started, shall we?

Most Spectacular Breaking Of A Diet Ever Recorded In The History Of All Mankind:

Winner: Not even a contest this year. It was The Sheep. She arrived at school bright and early yesterday, ate 6 oatmeal cookies for breakfast and that was the closest she came to "healthy" for the remainder of the day. Or today, for that matter. If it didn't move, she ate it. If it didn't move fast enough, she ate it. She made lots of grunting and slurping noises. She went to classroom parties where she wasn't technically "invited."

She was also a bit ill last night. But she is back in form today and has been sucking down Lindt Chocolates at the rate of one per minute.

Most die-hard holiday shopper of the '06 season:

Winner: Christina Cringle of Wrappingville MN! Christina began her shopping on December 26, 2005 and was finished by February 12, 2006. She used the time left to make handmade stockings for her 47 grandchildren and collecting canned goods for the needy. Christina was unable to make it in person to pick up her award as she is currently afraid to leave the house due to the hatred she has garnered from pretty much everyone else who is just coming back from the mall.

Runner Up: Sheepish Annie of Southern Maine! Despite numerous setbacks throughout the shopping season this year, she has persevered! She braved the Maine weather this morning (fifty degrees and raining so it is clearly the end of the world or something because this is just not normal) and arrived at the store for its 8:00 opening. As of 9:30 a.m. she wrote her name on the credit slip and had thus completed her Christmas shopping with a day to spare. She was also unable to make it to the show because she is too busy gloating.

Mother Of The Year:

Winner: Ethel Shumaker of Peach Tree, OK! A single mother of 12, she supports her family with the income she makes decorating Dollar Store tote bags using just her Bedazzler and glitter glue. Ethel's husband Bert went out for diapers and gin shortly after the birth of their triplets and has not been seen since. In true Super Mom fashion, Ethel said, "Can't say as I blame him really...if I'da been the one to find the car keys first then who knows how this mighta turned out?"

Runner Up: Any and all Moms who commented on this blog and noted that they had not been to the bathroom without an audience in (insert number here) years. The judges could not quite get their minds around that and bowed their heads for a moment of silence in gratitude for all mommies and daddies.

Honorable Mention: Sheepish Annie! During a recent trip to the pet store to purchase an outfit for her new doggie nephew, she realized that she was out of cat food. She grabbed a couple cans of the fancy-schmancy vet approved stuff as she was heading to the check-out and just prayed that her feline masters would approve of the change. They did. In fact, a certain Big Fluffy Kitty licked her bowl clean and spent the remainder of the evening pushing it around the kitchen with her nose in a futile attempt to snarfle up the last molecules of stinky goodness. The Sheep, ever the responsible parent, returned to the pet store after her holiday shopping today to purchase more of this canned nectar of the gods despite the wind and rain that was battering her form and flattening her hair. She even snagged a couple of kitty toys for the general amusement of all.

And the award for "How Did She Know?"

Deb of Dudley Spinner! Deb invited her readers to share holiday memories and offered a little surprise for those who did. The Sheep received some lovely hand-dyed wool and a felting needle in the mail for sharing her story. The judges were most impressed by the timing of this gift as The Sheep has recently been complaining about her felting needles being a bit battered by the recent felting on Styrofoam for ornaments. They also insisted that Deb's website go into the sidebar so that others could check out her online shop. Done and done!

Most Stupidest Blogger:

Um, The Sheep...she has a picture of the pretty roving and felting needle and neglected to get it into this post. She will be surrendering her other awards until she can get her act together and put up the picture. This makes The Sheep sad.

And so she will eat chocolate.

Thanks for joining us at the First Not So Annual Sheepish Annie Awards! We'll see you the next time! Drive home safely...



mrichme said...

What about the cat most likely to interrupt a project?

Winner (tie): Big, Fluffy Cat and Smaller, Less Fluffy Cat

Runnerup: Mikey

Enough Said

Most likely to carry one the Sheep tradition, junior division:

Winner: CamMad

Geraldine said...

Merry, Merry Christmas Sheep and do keep us all laughing for 2007 PLEAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!

Huggs, Geraldine and the Mitz

PS All is email when you can.

trek said...

Hee hee!!!

Try to stay dry and remember that we get to do it all again next year.

Debbie said...

Oatmeal cookies make a great start to the day, but they're not decadent enough. You have horizons yet to conquer!

Anonymous said...

Oatmeal for breakfast, very healthy (even in cookies)!

Enjoyed the awards presentation :)

Beth said...

What about the funniest blogging sheep award? I know who would win that! :)

April said...

And the "Most Lovable Sheep" award goes to ...

Sheepish Annie!

No autographs please, there is chocolate to be eaten.

Brenda said...

Oatmeal cookies and chocolate, not bad for this time of year!
You definitely win the award for funniest entry.

Deb said...

Merry Christmas!

Dudleyspinner's Tie Dye Rovings said...

OOOOH I am a winner! Glad the felting needle and wool made it safely. Thanks to Eddie my mailman who added the extra postage that was needed, I like my mailman, well not all THAT much, but he is a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas!!