Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Knowledge Is Good

I know, I know...I'm late posting this tonight.  I further know that this is highly irresponsible blogging behavior.  But I have also gained a lot of other knowledge today and I hope to make up for my lack of attention to detail by sharing with you all I have learned.  If nothing else, you will all be filled to the brim with new information and that will maybe distract you from everything else.

Today I learned that if your gas cap is on slightly askew and if you let the tank get too low on fuel it can cause a certain sensitive-to-the-point-of-needing-medication-and-intense-therapy-sensor in your car to panic.  It will frantically turn on your "check engine" light on Christmas day and lead to your saying all sorts of words, most of which will begin with the word, "mother" and will have nothing whatsoever to do with your maternal lineage.  

I learned that I am one of the last six people on earth who didn't already know this and that I am maybe a little prone to overreacting when I see a picture of an engine flashing at me.  However, in my defense, it should be pointed out that the last two times I have seen a picture of a flashing engine an explosion has followed.  I have also had to write thousands of dollars worth of checks.  You can see how I might need to invoke all those mother-y sorts of words.

I now know that when I take my car to the garage for the third time in a month and after having replaced more parts on it than should be required in our six month relationship, I am a little cranky.  I may also have a tendency to imply that I have had conversations with persons who work in or around the Office Of The Attorney General.  

I am now aware that implying such things seems to result in a great deal of auto repair.  Scores of mechanics will suddenly take great interest in my vehicle.  It does not matter that I am really far too lazy to bother with tracking down People In Authority Who Might Want To Investigate This Situation or that I am non-confrontational to the point of being downright wimpy.  Frankly, I never even really said that I'd taken such steps.  But the implication is apparently enough to inspire the mechanics to do great things, check everything twice and replace parts that I'd not even considered replacing.  They will do this under the auspices of a non-existent warranty and for a total cost of under $75.00.

The downside to this, I learned, is that all this attention to detail is a bit time consuming and that it will mean I will be without a car for most of the day.

I know more than I ever did before how much I needed a night out with my fellow knitters at Chicks With Sticks.  Getting out of the house after days of laying about tossing chocolates down my gullet was the best thing for me.  

I am now fully aware of how delicately sharing my distaste for public restrooms can lead to a more in-depth discussion of certain bodily functions and how they can affect such things as vacations and honeymoons.  I also learned that I can knit pretty well through this sort of conversation if I just keep my head down and focus.  

I also learned that it is best to accept responsibility for these conversations, especially when I am really the one that started it in the first place.

I discovered how an innocent exploration into the subject of food storage and how best to remove the air from freezer bags can lead to dark places.  There may suddenly be vaguely disturbing references to chickens and how best to treat them.  It seems that I am also a little more adept at the use of double entendre than I thought...

Lastly, I learned that an extra big bottle of Mountain Dew purchased at 9:30 p.m. from a handily located convenience store tastes better than anything else.  I maybe sort of already know that, but it is good to have it confirmed.  It is so good to be a grown-up!!!

So there you go.  All my knowledge of the day condensed into an easily digestible format and presented for your learning pleasure.  I hope that it helps you to forgive me just a bit for the lateness of my posting.

Now I'm off to learn more about some of that Christmas candy that is still leftover from my days of noshing.  I'll let you know if I come up with any new insights...



trek said...

And here I thought that the little light on the dashboard was flashing to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Mel said...

If only I'd made it to CwS tonight. David's cousin from SD is in town, though, so we were off to have pizza with me on zero sleep. Which, of course, meant I ended up resembling nothing so much as a blob for the rest of the evening.

Donna Lee said...

The check engine light is a fearsome thing. You will fail inspection here in NJ for that whether there is anything actually wrong or not.

You are indeed a font of knowledge. Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

I barely remember what started those conversations, but I did enjoy them (in a sick sort of way) :-)

Count down to February vacation starts now - 7 weeks to go.

Karen said...

Cars are quirky things. Ours keeps telling me that it has low tire pressure. After spending $.75 at least 3 times at the gas station for air and finding the pressure to be fine I now know that what it really should be saying is "damn it's cold out."

Anonymous said...

I too learned of the car's need for a tightly affixed gas cap, in my case, 100 miles from home. Happily, I was able to absorb my new wisdom through the magic that is a cell phone and a knowledgeable husband. (Some may say that knowledgeable husband is an oxymoron. I disagree.)

Glad it cost you no more than $75 and a day's wasted time. You had your knitting with you, I hope?

Knitting Linguist said...

So much knowledge gained in so little time! Engine lights are scary, but it's good to know that the Appeal to Irrelevant Authorities works on mechanics, too... Happy New Year!

Beth said...

Your knitting group sounds like a lot of fun!