Monday, December 01, 2008

Further Proof

I have long believed that I am not one who is meant for labor.  Working for a living simply does not suit me.  I am really one of those people built for leisure.

In fact, I take umbrage when asked to return to work after a vacation.  Great and serious umbrage with a side of snippy.  I find it unreasonable that I be asked to get up, dress myself, drive somewhere and do stuff.  

For the record, I do not find it at all unreasonable when I get a paycheck.  That seems perfectly rational.  I don't claim that my theories make any actual sense.  I just stick by them.

I have ample evidence of my lack of work readiness.  Oodles of it.  Here are a few indicators that popped up today:

*I remembered to bring my lunch.  I remembered to set the coffee maker to start up at 5:00.  I had a nice outfit all picked out.  I neglected, however, to remember the keys to my classroom.  Those are necessary for the educational process to begin and anyone who forgets them should not be allowed to be around children.  This shows a marked lack of responsibility.

*When the little darlings finished their first class with me, they were all scheduled to go to their Globals.  As they made their way to Art, Music, Health and other such classes, I took advantage of the opportunity to use the restroom.  It was there that I discovered I had spent the first hour of the day with my fly unzipped.  Again...not so responsible when you teach boys of the early teen-aged variety.  

*Having discovered my state of undress, I actually thought to myself, "Well, wasn't it nice of me to wear the flowered underpants today!  At least I was flashing something bright and colorful!"  I don't deserve my job.  I should be replaced immediately.

*I made certain that no one got lunch detention today so that I could knit that scarf I decided would be my school-based project.  Any and all crimes were granted a full pardon by noon.

*I didn't bring the knitting with me today so it was all for naught.  I aided and abetted crimes against the educational process with no net gain whatsoever.

*I forgot to bring the book I'd been promising for days to use as the kids' next read-aloud.  I then lied and claimed to have lost it.  It is sitting right where it was the last time I lied about losing it.  

*I sent The Husky Red-Haired Boy Who Reminds Me Of My Cat to the library so he could get a copy.  I then forgot all about it and skipped Read-Aloud.  

Frankly, I fail to see how I wasn't terminated by lunchtime.  What is our educational system coming to?  I have quite a bit of evidence here to substantiate my being allowed to just go home and no one seems to care!

It may have something to do with the fact that it's not only me who is off her game.  Everyone was behaving less than normally.  

The Kid Who Is Usually So Upbeat, Energetic And Cheerful That We All Want To Kill Him By Tuesday fell asleep on his desk right after lunch.  When he finally awoke, he was bleary eyed and speaking in a manner that could best be described as "nonsensical."  And he had a mark on his cheek shaped just like the pencil upon which he was resting his head.

The Kid With Impulse Control Issues Who Has Learned To Apologize Before He Does Stuff was focused and hard working all day long.  He got more done than I did today.  He dispensed advice and words of wisdom to the kids who couldn't seem to attend to their work.  I fear that this may be one of those signs of the apocalypse that you hear so much about...

The Boy Known Far And Wide As The Toughest Kid In The School spent the day sketching cupcakes.  He announced that he will be baking them for us and bringing them in the day before we go on our Holiday Break.  When not doodling out his dreams of sugary goodness, he rhapsodized about sprinkles and how they brighten up even the blandest of baked goods.

Frankly, I suspect a conspiracy.  They are all just acting out of character to take the wind out of my sails and cast a shadow over my evidence.  They want me to keep going to work in spite of my being completely unqualified.  They wish to deny me access to my true calling: Lady Of Leisure.  

Hrumph.  I'm certain you are as appalled as I.  Let's all calm down by looking at another picture of the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty with his new Dollar Store Cat Cave.  That always brings the blood pressure down a notch or two.

Very soothing.  Such a happy boy...

Except that I am still miffed about the sabotage of my evidence.  It just galls me no end!  Not so much that I'm not going to eat a sprinkled cupcake when/if it manifests itself, mind you.  

I'm miffed, but not crazy.



trek said...

Flowery underpants? Cupcakes with and without sprinkles? Cat caves? Apocalyptical evidence?

I think I shall now return to my sleeve knitting. It's safer.

Kath said...

So did The Husky Red-Haired Boy Who Reminds You Of Your Cat actually come back from the library? 'Cause in my admittedly very limited experience with that sort of critter, they tend to stray easily!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on the whole going back to work thing. I could get away with not actually doing any work though, as long as I look at my computer and move papers around in front of me every now and then. Not that I'd ever do that.

Karen said...

Are you sure the whole thing wasn't a bad dream? It really sounds like a dream to me.

knitseashore said...

I'd love to be a Lady of Leisure too. Please let me know where to sign up!!!

Donna Lee said...

I've always felt like a woman of leisure. I'm just waiting to be discovered for my abundant talent in this area so I can assume my true calling.

Beth said...

Wow, that does sound like a Twilight Zone kind of day! Those things creep me out. :)

Cursing Mama said...

So now we know that you were not sent to the job that nobody wants in hopes of rescuing a floundering program it was punishment. Punishment for even thinking of becoming a lady of leisure before I have the chance to become one.

Yarnhog said...

Take it from a mother: the advantage to having a job no one else wants is that you never get fired, no matter what you do!