Women And Children First...we think.

After yesterday's evacuation drill, you'd think the poor teachers would get a little break in the action, if only for a day. Not so. This afternoon we needed to attend an extended faculty meeting in order that we might discuss the upcoming achievement testing process. The state is using a new assessment this year and, while it's not all that different from the old one, it still requires the obligatory Power Point Presentation. What's a test without bitter staff people, after all?

Actually, it's good that we are getting the information. It always feels like I'm unprepared when new tests are required and I really should appreciate the effort our administration is making to keep me in the loop. I'm just cranky is all. Staff meetings are long and Power Point Presentations give me the hives. This one came with a soundtrack which didn't make it any more entertaining.

To make matters worse, I didn't even have my knitting. I usually try to have a little something woolly in my bag to keep the agenda from sapping away the last of my spirit. But I didn't have anything suitable or portable so I went into the meeting in what can only be described as a state of Knitting Knakedness. There was nothing to do but watch the Power Point and curse my lack of planning.

To add to my misery, some of my colleagues love the chance to add their thoughts to the proceedings. The agenda is kept a bit flexible and there is always someone who is overcome with the need to emote. It's like Open Mic Night with a limited talent pool. Every once in a while, though, a gem can be seen sparkling amongst the piles of scheduling complaints and announcements that could have been ignored in our email instead of in person:

Teacher With No Concept Of Time And Place And The Effects Of Power Point: Mr. Principal? I have a question.

Mr. Principal: Yes Mr. TWNCOTAPATEOPP?

TWNCOTAPATEOPP: It's not about the Power Point...

MP: That's just find and dandy! We would hate to restrict questions to anything relevant. That might get us out of here before 5:00 and it's not like we start our workdays at 7:00 or anything.

TWNCOTAPATEOPP: I was thinking about yesterday's evacuation drill and got to wondering. What about those of us who are working outside with the kids right now? However will we know to flee? Or where to flee? Or why we are fleeing? We should really have a plan for that.

MP: We do have a plan for that. It's in your Binder Of Very Important Stuff That No One Reads. You are to report to the office when you leave the building and pick up a walkie talkie. Should there be a need to evacuate or if a lockdown is required we shall call you on the walkie talkie and say the following:

RUN!!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN INTO THE WOODS AND HIDE!!!!!!!

Is this clear, Mr. TWNCOTAPATEOPP? Does anyone else have any questions?

We did not. At least none that was voiced. I'm sure that there were a few. I know I was wondering about whether or not I am supposed to take the kids with me when I run pell-mell into the woods or if we are expected to follow the Every Sheep For Herself Rule. That wasn't made very clear, in my humble opinion.

I didn't ask about it, though. I'm not one of the teachers who wants a meeting to run any longer than it has to and I could see the debate on whether or not it is a good idea to hide in the woods with children lasting for hours. I'm just going to trust that, when the time comes, I will somehow intuit the best choice.

I hope I remember my knitting on that day, though. Being stuck in the woods for God knows how long waiting for someone to give the all-clear could be worse than a Power Point Presentation...

SA