Sunday, February 01, 2009

Public Service Announcement

I often feel very much alone in my concerns regarding the coming Zombie Apocalypse.  Think I am exaggerating?  Just go out and mention the possibility of the dead strolling down Main Street or ask how everyone's Zombie Invasion Preparedness Plan is coming along.  See how that goes for you.

You will soon find yourself alone.  At least until the nice lady from Social Services comes to check on you.  Then you will be too busy helping her to fill out that Mental Status Checklist to really be all that concerned about where the zombies are at the moment.

I worry about zombies.  They scare me.  I also find them to be intrusive and unwilling to acknowledge the importance of personal space.

Hence, you can only imagine the degree to which my little heart soared upon receiving all your emails about the recent situation in Texas.  To know that you took time out of your busy days to not only watch and learn, but to make sure that I was aware of this development made me feel both validated and loved.  I'm sure that everyone has already taken the time to review the facts in this case, but there are always one or two who are very busy right now or who just can't be bothered.  If you fall into either category, I am helpfully offering you a chance to get with the program.







Rabbitch was the first to alert me to this situation and this is the link she included in her timely email.  I thank each of you who also contributed to my ability to analyze the matter.


 I am of the opinion that the resourceful hackers involved in this incident were really just running a drill and, as such, should be honored for their forward thinking.  However, I still can't help but sense that there is a bit of lightheartedness on the part of the general public.  "Oh, what a delightful joke!" seems to be the consensus.  

It is that kind of thinking that is going to put us on the menu come the End Of Days.  I need you guys to be better than that.  I need you in top form.  Sure, this time it was a drill.  (Or a "false alarm" for those of you who insist on being rational in the face of construction signs trying to be helpful.)  But next time...who knows?  

All I'm saying is this:  when the sign says to run, you should run.  Complacency is as much the enemy as the zombies.  It is the appetizer.  You are the main course.  And when I say, "you," I do mean you.  I will be in my underground bunker with my stockpile of rations.  It is also highly likely that I will have forgotten the can opener so I guess I'll see you out there at some point.  But not until I've worked through my supply of individually wrapped snack cakes.  Which should take about a week...

Until then, I suppose I should just keep knitting.  One can't live one's entire life looking ahead to the grimness of the future.  The whole purpose of a plan is to feel safe enough to not worry about it all, right?  The "dishcloth" (with sleeves) moves forward at a sluggish pace but without further drama.  I have decided to ignore the weird and oddly-resistant-to-closing hole from yesterday.  I'll stitch it up later and pretend that I am merely reinforcing the fabric.  That should work nicely.  It also allows me to keep knitting and not have to rip back again.  I'm a fan of the not ripping back right now.

And, if it doesn't work out, I can bring the dishcloth (with sleeves) with me when I head to the bunker.  It's not like anyone is going to see me or my poorly knit garment until it is time to go get a new can opener.

And, at that point, will you really care about well knit dishcloths?

SA


17 comments:

Mel said...

That Rabbitch is so good about looking out for folks.

I guess the big question is whether or not it's better for most other people to be complacent about the zombie threat. After all, everybody knows that the ones who laugh about it are the first to get eaten. The downside, of course, is that it's harder to mount an effective assault if nobody is prepared.

Lorraine said...

IF, say, a fellow blogger admits to being abysmally ill-informed about zombie preparedness, which zombie training film would you recommend for said fellow blogger?

I don't count Shaun of the Dead" as a true training film. It seemed a little too light-hearted.

Karen said...

Having recently laid in a supply of water, toilet paper and snacks I feel I am pretty well prepared but I probably should pick up some more yarn.
My verification word is "catic". Is that because there are no cat photos in this post??

kmkat said...

I laugh at zombies. I chortle at their amusing antics. Zombie do not sc--

::urp::

Knitting Linguist said...

I'm glad that someone's thinking ahead about the whole need for an early-warning system thing. I notice, though, that you're in a good place -- it said to head for somewhere cold; doesn't that mean you might have time to get a can opener before global warming opens you up to the zombie threat? I'm intrigued that they're starting in Texas...

Kath said...

I'm not at all surprised that they've started in Texas, after all that state recently acquired some prime zombie fodder. But I'd have appreciated it if they'd been a bit more timely in selecting that particular snack, say like sometime in the previous four years?

Mia said...

well at least you're prepared for the invasion :)

Julie said...

How did I miss that warning? I'm glad to hear it was just a drill; otherwise I may have been some Zombie's dinner. Do you think you'd have time in the case of a real attack to give me a call and warn me? Could I come live in your bunker (I'd be sure to bring a can opener.)

trek said...

Uh, Sheepie? You live in a second storey condo. Said condos do not typically come with underground bunkers. You've been holding out on us.

PS - Neatnik wants to help me wind yarn for a Dishcloth (with sleeves).

PPS - And my word verification is "syclata" which is timely since there is a lotta sick going on here - Neatnik's home and going to se Dr O'Pedi this afternoon...

Em said...

Not everyone is unprepared! My household has at least two emergency plans. We are prepared to fortify and shelter in place (you don't need to be underground, just destroy your staircase and prepare a rope ladder, should these be fast zombies and you need to escape out the back while they take flying leaps at you from the front), and to run. And, as I keep pointing out to my fellow zombie-haters, knitters are valuable members of your team. Spinners, doubly so. We will be needed once the population is destroyed and there are no mass-produced t-shirts and such. We will be the last to be shot in the knee and used as bait when the time comes for the group to sacrifice someone so everyone else might live....not that I think about these things much. Really. I don't...

Donna Lee said...

We,too are aware and keeping up on our zombie preparedness. I am not as hard hearted as some of my family who are more than ready to shoot me in the head should they even think I may be a zombie. They look far too eager as they say this. I would corral them in a room and wait for a cure but if I am bitten, I'll be quickly missing a head. And after I knitted them all those socks.....

debsnm said...

I missed the whole Zombie attack thing! I'm so bummed. But I do have a couple of comments:
1. Government officials need to go buy a sense of humor.
2. Zombies can't even seem to manage opening doors very well, so I figure as long as I can drive, I'm safe, and there will be no running!
3. I can knit, zombies can't (and I'm pretty sure they can't operate can openers, either, which is probably why they prefer "fresh" to canned, if you get my drift), so, again, I'm good.
That's why zombies don't frighten me. Now, if (heaven forbid) we ever enter the zone where zombies develop the ability to learn (like in that one fantasy movie), then we're all in trouble, but I refuse to think about that -
Zombies learning, yeah, right!

Jeanne said...

Well, I guess I should be thankful I live in a cold climate (as do you, Sheepie). Kath, you made me laugh out loud! Zombie fodder. I thought they ate people, not "vegetation" of the scrubby sort. *snort*

Yarnhog said...

Can opener? In an underground bunker you should be far more worried about a backup lighting source! Didn't you see "I Am Legend"? Don't you know you need to *stay out of the dark*? You can last about three weeks without food (although why you'd want to, I can't imagine), but just how long do you think you're going to hold out against those blood-thirsty, superhuman, mutant freaks? Forget the can opener! Take a flashlight!

catsmum said...

I somehow missed all the panic but shall try to be prepared in case we get 'em here.
Some of my bushfire preparedness kit can do double duty but I can see I shall have to stock up on can openers. I'm fine on the loo paper, snacks and emergency knitting and spinning supplies ... and I guess my fabric stash could still be put to good use with one of the vintage [ non electric] sewing machines.
The most important question is ... do zombies eat goats ? will I have to bring Rosie and co into the bunker with me ?
I will bow to your greater knowledge in this area

Mouse said...

I immediately thought of you when I saw those signs pop up somewhere else and wondered how you were handling the "drill". Thankfully Texas is a loooong way from Maine - so you at least have an early warning system there. I would definitely suggest the purchase of at least one can opener and a few light sources as you can & will go blind in the dark in a very short time.. which would not be good for anyone.
These signs do make me wonder whether they are having zombie problems in Mexico though...

erasmus (aka jiva) said...

I do like your zombie updates. your details mean I don't have to do the research any more. I think you are most wise to conquer this subject whilst I just ride your coat tails to hopeful freedom. I'd like to add to your research though, finding this just today: zhttp://electricbiscuitonline.blogspot.com/2009/01/zombies-do-not-want-to-eat-your-brains.html