Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Doh. Idz By Fault.

The time:  9:30 a.m.

The Place: Ms. Sheep's classroom/Small group language arts lesson.

Ms. Sheep is working with a The Kid Who Has Been Coming To School With A Cold For Nigh On A Month (let us call him Booger Boy, why don't we?) She is attempting to help him with his Persuasive Writing assignment.  Having overslept this morning, she is behind schedule and out of sorts.  Still, she does her duty as an educator and attempts to explain (for the fortieth time) what she needs this child to do before she starts hearing that weird crackling sound from her brain again.  Things always seem to go badly after the crackling sound starts up...

Booger Boy:  That was a great explanation, Ms. Sheep.  You are the best!  Now, if you could just say it one more time, I think I'll have it down pat!

Ms. Sheep:  I dib up...

BB:  Huh?

MS:  I dib up!  Diz iz dot workin...

BB:  Boy, Ms. Sheep.  You sure do sound stuffy.  It's hard to understand you.  I almost thought you said something about giving up...

MS:  (lays her head on the table and whimpers a little bit)

BB:  You know what?  I think you might have a cold.  I know what that feels like.  I've had one for a month now, in case you hadn't noticed.

MS:  Doh.  I do dot hab a code.  You are bisdakin.  I'b fide.

BB:  I dunno, Ms. Sheep.  You sound pretty clogged up, there.  And I think that The Husky Redheaded Kid Who Reminds You Of Your Cat sneezed on the table right where you are sitting like...fifty times yesterday!

(Husky Redheaded kid waves cheerily from the other side of the room.  BB waves back.  Ms. Sheep does not.)

MS:  I do DOT hab a code.  Stob sayin' dat!  I am dot geddin' a code right before bacation!!!

BB:  Ok.  Whatever you say.  

MS:  Dad's ride, whadebber I say!!!

BB:  (Wipes his dripping nose with his crusty sleeve and looks thoughtful)  You know...I sort of can't help but feel like this is a little bit my fault.

MS:  (Lays her head on the table again and remains this way for the rest of the class)

I didn't contradict him.  It's not like he would have understood me anyway.  Yet even I know that this is not entirely his boogery fault.  Sure, he was among those who brought this plague unto me and there is no denying that the Husky Redheaded Kid played a part in all this.  But I have to admit that I tempted fate one too many times and that I am now paying the piper.

I've flirted with several colds this school year.  Each time the symptoms began to manifest, I wondered if I was soon to be struck down.  I never was.  I fought off each and every sniffle like some kind of Ninja Warrior.  I couldn't be brought down.  It was like I was made of steel or something.

And I got cocky.

I began to brag to anyone who would listen about how amazing my immune system had become.  Clearly, I must be some kind of superhero.  By the latter stages of my delusional phase, I was tossing out words like, "immortal" and " God-like."  

Bad move.

Karma heard me.  Karma is always lurking around somewhere and I tend to forget that.  Hence, I am often ambushed when fate decides to smack me around a bit.  I can't even get mad at Karma.  I asked for it.  And I really should have known better.

So now I'm all stuffy and incapable of pronouncing words key to the running of a classroom.  Booger Boy and The Husky Redheaded Kid are still producing vast amounts of goo and probably leaving it all over the place for me to find.  I suppose I can still hope that I will beat this one back as quickly as I have the other infestations of ookiness....

But I don't have a good feeling about it.  I'm probably going to have a cold.  I am probably going to have it while I am teaching that stupid Safety Procedures class on Friday.  I will probably still have it while I am starting my vacation.  It's best to accept that, I think.

That's OK.  I suppose it could be worse.  We've already covered most of the material for the upcoming class and we will definitely end early that day.  And I didn't have much planned for the vacation week anyway.  Mostly naps and knitting.  That is stuff you can do with a cold.  In fact, it is a nice way to justify all the napping and knitting.  I have a few social engagements and will keep them all.  But mostly I'll nap and no one can tell me that I am wasting my vacation by doing so.  

Even Karma shouldn't have any problem with that...I hope.



Kath said...

I don't see why you couldn't call him Booger Boy, after all if he's had that cold for a month now I'm sure someone else already has!

It's only Tuesday though! I think if you arm yourself with Lysol (for the desktops, etc.). vitamin C, and other fortifying measures you could battle this thing back so it doesn't completely take over your vacation week.

Unless of course, you were really needing an excuse to nap all week...

trek said...

See? Just yesterday, you said how you were going to volunteer to suffer a wee little bit on Monday and now look what happened.

My advice? Lay in a vast store of the yellow goo and the Nyquil. You might still be sick next week, but you sure won't care.

In a twist of irony, my word verification is "chipar". Sorry.

Donna Lee said...

You need the good cough syrup (even if there's no cough). I fought the good fight for so long that my body finally gave in and got sick. It didn't last too long so maybe all of the vacation won't be ooky.

Anonymous said...

I fear that once your oral skills are producing sounds like, "Doh. I do dot hab a code. You are bisdakin. I'b fide." it is too late for the vitamin C and the fighting off of the cold. You got it, lady, and you got it good. Force fluids to feel a bit better, take aspirin for the fever, and rest. No matter what you do, it will take a week to get over it. But with proper treatment you can minimize your misery during those 7 days.

Mouse said...

My son has been home for the last 2 days (plus the weekend) with the plague.. I've been downing echinacea & orange juice like there is no tomorrow in an attempt to not get sick along with him. Thankfully he's well enough to go in tomorrow and I'm pretty confident that he's no longer disease-ridden and contagious... or at least he knows well enough to use a tissue & not his sleeve. lol. Hang in there Sheepie!

Beth said...

One of my friends swears by Zicam to stop colds, but I've never tried it. I do think that naps might be the way to go. :)

Anonymous said...

Just in case you were wondering - it is okay to come to CWS with a cold; you could even join us again on Thursday for CWW.

Mia said...

I almost spit out my coffee when I read "booger boy" hehehe.

Knitting Linguist said...

Oh, Sheepie. You just can't tempt Fate that way; Fate will strike you down. (Ask me how I know...) Get better soon!

Anonymous said...

Poor Miss Sheepie. Try Zicam Cold Remedy. It always stops my colds and clears them up. It goes right into your nose and stops the cold virus from replicating and the sooner you use it the sooner the cold goes away.

Teri S. said...

Eeewwww! I keep forgetting why I don't have kids. Thanks for reminding me!

I hope the cold doesn't lay you flat next week and that you have a quick recovery1

Karen said...

I hope you feel better. Be sure to share with the healthy kids. Why should their parents have a germ free vacation.

Cursing Mama said...

oh noes!
should we send lysol?

Jeanne said...

The GOOD news is that the cold, properly cared for with pharmaceuticals, should be pretty much overwith before vacation proper begins. You have almost a week. YOU CAN DO IT! Ninja Cold Warriors UNITE!

crzjane said...

Zinc! Zicam is the best. Either nasal gel or the tablets that you dissolve slowly in your mouth. It really works! Just don't take more than what the directions say. If you take too much, it will make you very sick to your stomach. (I did it once.)
So get the zinc so you can enjoy your vacation.
Stay well and knit happy!