Tuesday, August 12, 2008

License To Chill

It is a sad fact, but I am just about the laziest person ever put on this earth.  I know, I know...you're all thinking, "Oh, that Sheepie!  So delightfully self-deprecating!  She's a treasure, that one!"

OK...so maybe you didn't make to the "treasure" part, but I'm certain that you would have had you been given time to pursue that train of thought for any length of time.  

Sadly, I really do have a lazy streak about a mile wide.  I'm aware of this tendency and not at all proud of it.  I'd try to do something about it, but that seems like an awful lot of work.  So I live with it.  You may think I'm kidding, but I really am not.  If there is something I don't want to do, I simply ignore it.  Or, if I am unable to successfully pretend that the task does not exist, then I will put it off until threatening letters or people in authority start arriving.  Worse, I might find someone else upon which to foist the unwanted duty.  There are weaker souls out there who can easily be convinced to take over these sorts of things and who usually don't get all high and mighty over my taking the credit either.

In fact, while I was at my Summer Of Compensatory Knitting Socialization (S.O.C.K.S) program tonight, I dazzled the masses with my amazing ability to come up with an excuse for pretty much anything that doesn't get done.  Or did get done but shouldn't have which is often a worse situation but one I have learned to handle quite deftly.  

Years of practice.  That's what it takes.

Today, I seem to be working my triumph over the Now Not So Scary Blog Sweater Curse.  With a sweater of adult size now in the "Finished" column, I feel that I no longer need to be concerned with the petty matters which plague mere mortals.  I turned off the alarm this morning, in full defiance of my decision to start getting up earlier because school will be starting soon and I need the practice.  I listened to it for a moment and then said, "Feh...I knit a sweater!  I can sleep a little bit later!"

Once up, I blew off the morning workout because sweater knitters such as myself don't need to do crunches or bicep curls.  We just knit bigger sweaters, by God!  

I cooked up an extra baby potato for dinner using the same logic.

I was planning on cleaning the bedroom today because that was on the Index Cards Of Summer Organization and I haven't exactly gotten to it yet.  Given the preceding examples, I'm certain that you can predict how that plan worked out.  I pretty much just cleared a spot for the new sweater and called it good.

I'll probably continue with this shameful behavior for the rest of the week.  I sincerely hope that all those people who sent me bills recently weren't expecting a speedy response.  Sweater knitters don't pay their own bills.  We are sort of like the Queen of England.  Money does not sully our hands.  We have "people" to take care of that.  The fact that I can't seem to locate any of these people at the moment is going to further complicate matters so they are going to have to wait even longer, I fear.  

Just be glad that I am here and you are there.  I can't imagine that my attitude is really all that pleasant for the rest of the world right now.  But there is little I can do about it.  We are simply going to have to ride it out.  I'll probably just lay down on the couch for a while and wait for it to pass.  

The good news is that my current project is a one-row crochet thingie that is pretty much just a strip which will grow until I get bored with it.  That's probably not going to work as an excuse for much of anything.

I don't suppose there is anyone out there who'd like to just do it for me?



Knitting Linguist said...

All hail Queen Sheepie, Slayer of the Dreaded Blog/Sweater Curse!

D'you think queens have someones to do their crocheting for them, too?

Beth said...

Can we call it something besides laziness? 'Cause you just described the exact way I handle things around here, too. Let's just say we prioritize things differently than other people. :)

Anonymous said...

I share your Queen of Laziness crown. We have staff to take care of things. Just because our staff are four-footed and purr is not our fault.

Mia said...

oh yeah, you definitely need a crow.. or at least a tiara.

Karen said...

You deserve a day off what with slaying that curse and all.

trek said...

Let's just call it a low-stress approach to life, okay? No need to use the four-letter L word, now is there?

Cursing Mama said...

We're supposed to be doing stuff? Is that what that pile of paper next to me is about???

Sindepeye said...

haha great blog! I love reading it. Just another excuse not to do things around here. :)