Saturday, August 30, 2008

Better Late Than Never...I

To:  The Superintendent Of Schools

From:  Sheepish Annie

Re:  School Year '08-'09

Dear Ultimate And Most Supreme Boss Of Me,

Greetings to you, Sir.  I hope that this letter finds you well rested after your abbreviated summer work schedule and refreshed for the upcoming school year.  I do apologize for the tardiness of this letter, but you know how it is during the lazy, hazy days 'o just feels like you have all the time in the world.

You will, I'm sure, be pleased to know that I have managed to get myself into school over the past two weeks and that I have set up the classroom for another fun-filled year of learning and priceless moments with the children.  It was a bit startling to realize that none of the things I included in my email last spring (the one detailing all that I would need for this educational adventure) were provided.  I must admit that this gave me pause.  But I like to think that not having any of the math materials will force the students to be more creative.  And the lack of outlet covers will certainly make for some exciting moments, won't it?  I'm certain that my request that those be made less accessible was not filled in order that those youngsters with a tendency to poke at these sorts of things learn through experience.  A very solid approach.  Very solid, indeed.

But this is not the purpose of my letter today.  I am writing to you in order that I might request a leave of absence for the upcoming school year.  I hate to do this just before the opening of school, but I find myself in a bit of a pickle and without recourse at this point.  I am certain you will understand.

You see, I honestly need a little more time to do all the stuff I said I was going to get done this summer.  It is just the strangest minute you have months to work on projects and the next you got nuthin'!  I don't know quite how this happens, but it certainly does.  

I was supposed to dig all that dirty, yucky caulking out of the bedroom window frames before it crumbles into toxic dust.  I did the one window, but lost interest in the whole endeavor back in July.  There is still another window requiring my attention.  

I said that I would complete at least two holiday gifts before the closing bell rang.  I didn't do two.  I didn't even do one.  I did none.  Instead, I let myself get all involved in breaking The Blog Sweater Curse and spent my time knitting a sweater designed for myself.  Were I to return to the classroom next week, there would be no handknit goodness for Christmas this year!  This would be an entirely unacceptable turn of events, now wouldn't it?

I went so far as to put in writing that I would spin up no fewer than four batches of fiber that have been awaiting their respective turns at the wheel.  I am horrified and shamed to report that I haven't even finished the first one.  Again, we blame The Blog Sweater Curse.  However, the playing of The Blame Game never solved anything and now I must take a whole year off from school in order that I might rectify this sad situation.

Finally, there is the new baby to consider.  Did I not mention that I adopted over the summer?  Goodness, I thought everyone knew about that by now.  It's pretty much all I've talked about for months and months on end.  You don't even want to know how it's affected my Bloglines subscriptions!  

At any rate, I do not feel that now is the time for a new mother to be going back to work.  My only child care option at this point is Big Sister and she has not shown any real aptitude as a nurturing being.  She has reached the point where she can tolerate Baby Brother, but it is an uneasy peace.  And Baby Brother has not figured out that Big Sister does not wish to play with him and that racing towards her in order that he might bowl her off her feet is only making matters worse.  I simply must be here in order to ensure that the children are safe.  It is what a good mother does, after all.

Besides, the view from the sofa is too just too cute.  I find that I am unable to tear myself away to tend to such matters as educating the masses.  

The baby has a new sleeping position.  Can you stand it?????

In closing, Most High And Mighty Lord Of The School District, I believe that I will be able to better serve the students of our educational system if I just stay home this year.  I shall be far too distracted by domestic matters should I even attempt to come into work every day.  I'm certain that there will be no difficulty finding a long-term substitute who is willing to take over the shattered remains of the program that I was handed last spring.  After all, I've already set up the classroom.  The only thing left to do is teach the kids for a year.  The backbreaking labor is done.  (You're Welcome!)  It should be a piece of cake.  

Thank you in advance for your consideration of this matter.  Again, please accept my apologies for the lateness of this letter.  As is my wont, I really thought I could do it all before September rolled around.  It always surprises me when I don't, but I feel that this year's leave of absence will let me catch up nicely.  There is no need to respond to this letter as I am certain that my request will be approved without any further discussion.

All that is left, then, is to wish you and the rest of the staff a wonderful start to the school year.  I hope that the time between now and June flies by in a wonderful wash of happiness and teachable moments.  Oh, how I envy those of you organized enough to return to the halls of academia!  Think of me fondly while I'm gone as I will of you.

See you next September,



Karen said...

Good luck with that;)
That new baby of yours is just too cute. Maybe they'll give you a little maternity leave.

Anonymous said...

You failed to mention how you will be able to keep feeding the "children", and keeping them warm during this leave. The elder sheep find that they enjoy their life style too much to help you with this plan. All we can say is, "GOOD LUCK!"

Anonymous said...

Sleeping with his paws in the air! Oh, that AGK, he has really cornered the market on cuteness, hasn't he?

Anne said...

Let me know how that works--if it's successful, I'm jumping right on the copycat wagon ...

Carrie K said...

He sleeps on his back w/his paws waving? Awww! I couldn't leave either. I'm sure that letter will do the trick. Only a heart of stone could withstand it.

Ohhhhhhhh. I'd forgotten who it was addressed to.

PS. I find the elder sheeps attitude shocking! shocking! That they would let their little lambs suffer.

trek said...

::not surprised by elder sheeps' position in this matter::

Kath said...

Ohhh...AGK clearly needs a tummy rub! Obviously you have important work to do at home that keeps you far too busy for such paltry matters as gainful employment. Better get goin' on that tummy rub...

Carol said...

Please let us know the Corporate Response to your letter of need in these trying times. If successful, it could become a whole new society of Hope and Change. I'm asleep at the keyboard now and have to go to bed. " ViVa la Summer "

Mia said...

Hey Sheepie.. can you write a get out of work letter for me too? hehehe.

And am I REALLY up and reading blogs at this time of the morning after the night I had?

I think I need a nap now.

Kris said...

Hmmm - I wonder how successful this will be. If it works, you may have a very viable work from home enterprise in front of you...

Donna Lee said...

While I'm sure the children will at first be pleased that mommy is home with them all day, when the greenies run out there will be consternation and then outright rioting. Tread carefully! It looks like you're on your own with this one.

Knitting Linguist said...

If this works, can you please let us know? I'm sure teachers across the nation are waiting with bated breath (I sure am)... :)

Jeanne said...

Cutenezz. I haz it.

It's too much. I can't take it anymore. I can't contain myself--