Saturday, April 05, 2008

Project Monogamy

Thanks to all and sundry for the well wishes and general sympathy for my dental drama.  I mean, honestly!  Do you know anyone else who demands so much of you for a simple cleaning?  You are good eggs, that what you are.  Real troupers.  You aren't even deterred by the fact that I am fully aware of how needy I am and that I don't seem to have any intention of working on that.  You should get medals.

HM was sufficiently distracted from the upcoming appointment and we were able to live fully in the world of the Rational Mind for most of Thursday evening and well into Friday morning.  We didn't really encounter any issues until we were actually making our way into the first in a series of chairs.  All was well save for the fact that there may be a cavity lurking in one of my molars.  We'll have to wait for confirmation on that, though.

Once seated in the x-ray chair, HM, now fully aware of our location on the planet and miffed to no end that she'd been diverted from her usual Oscar-worthy, angst-filled performance, saw fit to bring about a full-on attack of the Gaggies.  The x-ray plate was twice projectile spat across the room, once reaching a distance of three and half feet.  Not only did this break our previous record of six inches and into the lap, but neatly got us out of any further x-rays.  We'll try again in six months.  

With the appointment behind me, I was able to begin enjoying my spiffy new extra-soft toothbrush, fine, but sturdy floss and three day weekend without distraction.  As it was a rather rainy sort of day, with a little of the sleet thrown in for good measure, circumstances dictated that I don the jammies and settle in for some good old fashioned Nestlin' Time.  It was really quite nice.

Except for one thing.  I seem to be stuck in a time loop of some sort.

I have been knitting the same four rows for ten years now.  Or two weeks.  Maybe three.  I forget.  Project Monogamy is not something I normally deal with.  Nor do I tend to take on projects that are complicated and "ooohhhh-worthy."  Mostly I knit socks.  Or mitts.  Or anything else I can finish up in a jiffy while I watch cartoons.  But, for reasons that now escape me, I have gotten myself into a pickle.  And it is a never-ending sort of pickle that is comprised of four rows.  I do them over and over.  I rest.  Then I knit them again.  And again.  And again.  

I must finish this.  It is a deadline sort of project and the clock is ticking.  I cannot escape to The World Of The Short Term Knitters until it is done.  If I stop, I'll never go back.  I gotta focus.  But sometimes, late at night, I have this recurring nightmare.  It is enough to bring me out of a dead sleep.  It is horrifying and made worse by the fact that I am starting to think it is possible.  
It starts like this:  I am sitting happily on the couch and peacefully knitting away.  Life is good.  Then, without warning....






I am attacked by the Invisibility Shawl!!!!!!


Shocked, it takes me a moment to realize what is happening.  And, as is the way of dreams, I am unable to react as quickly as I might in real life when knitwear goes for my throat.  


I find the will to fight.  Valiantly, I might add.  (shut up.  i can too fight valiantly...)


The battle rages.  It is epic.  It is the stuff that those really long poems are made of and that high school students lose interest in about half-way through.  There is a moment where I feel victory is but a hair's breadth away.


But, in the end, I am bested.  


I usually wake up at that point.  And I swear to you, I can hear that shawl laughing softly from the knitting basket.  The whole thing is rather chilling, if you want the truth.  Scarier than zombies and dentists combined.

I miss my socks.  I miss them lots and lots...

SA

16 comments:

Kath said...

Awwwww....I'm sure the socks miss you too. Perhaps you could use your rest breaks from the evil shawl to load up your Ravelry queue with pretty sock patterns? And for what it's worth, I often lull myself to sleep thinking about things I'd like to knit, what yarn I'd use, etc. But I never have knitting dreams - good or bad!

MathIsBeauty said...

Yeah, but on you it looks good. Maybe you could lure it away with some chocolate or pizza?

Diana said...

Nothing feels better than freshly cleaned teeth. I love going to the dentist and being scraped to death!

Julie said...

There's a deadline for the invisibility shawl? Did I miss something somewhere along the line? When is this deadline? I hate having to be a monogamous knitter; it's just not natural. I used to be one, a very long time ago; I think that was before I started reading blogs.

What's wrong with Diana - she LIKES to go to the dentist???????

Beth said...

Ooo, creepy! :) I had a scary knitting dream last night. I was on a road trip and had neglected to pack any knitting. We kept stopping at stores along the way so I could try to find knitting needles and yarn. Then I got trapped in a store and they wouldn't let me out.

The happy part of your story is that your shawl looks great! Even though it is attacking you...

kmkat said...

You had me chortling in my cube with this post. Apparently you have figured out the self-timer on your camera?! Invisibility looks gorgeous. Wait, that sounds wrong somehow...

crzjane said...

Poor Sheepie, I hate cavities. Sounds like you handled HM very well.
Wow! You deserve a metal for knitting on only one project. You are my hero. I know that you will overcome "Invisibility Shawl".
BTW it looks beautifulI can't wait to see it complete!
Just to avoid any more nightmares perhaps you should have a "truck sock". You know, a sock you keep in the truck to work on durning those long red lights. When I.S. is starting to get to you, go sit in your truck and knit a couple of rows. (This will also give the neighbors something to wonder about.)
Enjoy you new toothbrush & floss.

Rabbitch said...

Dear Sheep:

You are bonkers.

Perhaps you should dye something that someone famous likes and end up skeining it forever and forever and forever and never catching up.

Not that I know what that would be like. It was just a thought.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if you want to go to the trouble or not, but if you Google "gag reflex", you can find short-term remedies, mostly contributed by dentists, to ease the problem enough to get more comfortable office visits. Snore-Stop throat spray is one of the remedies, as is salt on the tongue, or rinsing the mouth out with salt water. There are lots of others, too. I've been in the same pickle.
Nancy NeverSwept

Donna Lee said...

My dentist hates me. I have terrible gag reflex and apparently a small mouth so she has trouble working on my teeth. Xrays are a nightmare. I have to get my teeth cleaned and am dreading it. It's one of those things that I just "suck it up" and do. Yech.

Cathy said...

At least it was just the invisibility shawl (aided by HM?) and not a zombie. (How many "i"s are in invisibility anyway?)
Was the i shawl going for your eyes coz it didn't have enough of it's own?

It's lovely anyway.

Geraldine said...

Sorry to hear about the dental woes Sheep. Been there, done that, I don't need to relive that particular memory. You seem to be having more serious problems at home though, that shawl MUST BE TAMED!!! Warning, warning....

Here's to a better week ahead! Deep breath..... and Huggs, G

trek said...

Yay for the Sheepie's dental hygiene - fewer visits to Dr DeSade, DDS.

I want to cast on some nice, no pressure socks, too. waah

mehitabel said...

Poor Sheepie, if it isn't the mean ol' dentist attacking you, it's your very own shawl! You make me awfully glad I haven't given in to the lure of the I-Shawl. Or the Clapotis.

And I still don't like to knit or wear socks.

Mia said...

Ohhh, but it's looking so pretty! Love those colors! Wish I could knit ::sigh:: hehehe.

Jeanne said...

Salt on the tongue - yes, it does work for the gagging bite wings xrays of torture and death or extreme spittage. 3 feet? - Wow, I'm impressed. I just get to gagging
My dental hygienist learned about it at a conference, and it really works - just a pinch on the tongue.

Salt on the tongue will not stop the invisibility shawl from attempting to suck the life out of you, however.
I'm now scared to even think about casting on for it.