Sunday, April 13, 2008

Can't Hit Send

I have long suspected that the culprit in my recent wireless woes was my router.  After an upgrade to something I can't even remember but one that seemed highly recommended by the nice people at Apple, I lost my wireless connection.  The Ethernet worked, though.  Not wanting to fiddle with it too much at that point in time, I let it be and lived tethered to a modem.  Which is also my router.

Until this weekend when, possessed by an adventurous spirit not normally in my nature, I decided to try re-setting all sorts of thing-a-ma-bobbies and putting it all back to where it was.  
I lost everything.  Wireless.  Ethernet.  Smoke signals.  You name it.  There was much rending of garments and gnashing of teeth.  The Internet is a very good thing and something upon which I have become a little dependent.  And, I'm not saying that this is the case or anything...but if I really haven't hit the send button and e-filed those income taxes, things are going to get very tricky without a working Internet connection.  If I did send them...then all is well.  

I'm still not saying whether I did or I didn't.  You'll just have to wait until the 15th.  Sort of like the Internal Revenue Service...

I set out this morning, bright and early to replace the offending box.  But this was pre-coffee.  I knew what I needed.  I reminded myself to be very careful in choosing my new box.  My life on the inter-webs depended on it.  There were a lot of boxes from which to choose.  And did I mention the whole "pre-coffee" thing?

I got the wrong one.  No modem.  

Vexed to the point of crazy, I took it upon myself to do that thing which I hate to do more than going to the dentist and eating my vegetables combined.  I called tech. support.

Enter my new best friend.  Let's call him Brad.  Brad and I are very close.  What we have is special.  I don't imagine that anyone else who calls tech. support gets so much attention. After an hour of button-pushing, comparing of screen images and untangling of wires, we managed to get the router/modem back to where we were yesterday:  still tethered by an Ethernet connection, but working.  Deep down, I knew I should quit while I was ahead.  I knew it on a level that is fueled by years of living in a state called Irony.  But my new best friend Brad was feeling pretty good about our progress.  He wanted to take our relationship to the next level.  He wanted to re-establish my wireless.  

What can I say?  I was caught up in the moment.  Brad and I had been through so much together...how could I tell him, "no?"  Brad knows me.  He knows that I have the old router/modem combo that came with my DSL service package.  He knew that my updating the software was what put things over the edge connection-wise without my even having to tell him.  We need no words, Brad and me.  We are soul-mates.

I consented.  I may have actually used the words, "I do," now that I think of it.

We used the old router as a bridge and the new router as...well a router.  It worked, God bless him.  I knew I could count on good old Brad.  There is just one problem.  The connection is strong and true.  Except when you...oh, darn it, what's the term I'm looking for?  I hate it when I can't remember the technical jargon.  Oh, wait!  I've got it!  It works except when you: 

Use it.

Connections are dropping all over the place.  The floor is littered with them.  And Brad is no longer taking my calls.  I'm sure he's just really busy right now.  And I don't want to appear all needy.  That's the kiss of death in any relationship.

Fortunately, I had the common sense to pick up a couple of movies while I was at the router store and spent the afternoon watching zombies.  Zombies will put things in perspective for you.  Even the worst day of your life is not as bad as the day someone tries to eat your foot.

There are any number of solutions to my problem and I am mulling them over as we speak.  No need to offer any technical advice at the moment, but I reserve the right to put out the call for input at a later date.  For now, I'm all set, I promise.  I just need the time to fix things.  And, with this being the week before school vacation, I don't anticipate getting to it until the final bell rings on Friday afternoon.  So, if the posts get spotty and the emails don't get answered, please don't fret.  I'm on it.  Like I said, I have options.

My current favorite is chucking the whole technology thing and going to live amongst the Amish.  They would surely appreciate my knitting skills.  

And I look pretty hot in a bonnet.

SA

20 comments:

Mel said...

Um, I'm not quite sure the Amish would know what to do with you. And, you know, they're not so big on freezer pizza and Mountain Dew. Or zombie movies.

Emma said...

Oh, no, not the zombies. That was not a good move. So now what happens when the zombies come out of the movie and start tapping at your windows? How will you call for help? Or blog about it?

Lorraine said...

They'd love how well you spin, too. But have you seen their shoes? You might have to chuck the cool new boots . . . and the flowered Mary Jane Crocs.

trek said...

I am certain that the Amish do not do frozen pizza nor Mountain Dew - but they probably do a wicked good Black and White Cookie.

Do the zombies know that the Amish exist? It might be a good End of the World hide out, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, come to think of it.

errs said...

I've been where you are. I ended up having to reset my computer to the factory settings.

And trust me -- you needs your interwebsnets thingy...

Beth said...

You seem pretty calm for someone who hasn't sent in her taxes and doesn't have a working Internet connection. So now I'm thinking maybe you did send them in. Hmm...

crzjane said...

Why is it that "upgrades" always seem to be "back-upgrades"? Somewhere along the way our computer did and upgrade and everytime it starts up it announces an error with our paypal. I'm hoping it will heal itself.

Geraldine said...

A Bonneted Sheep (is bonneted a word???) I like the concept but you may find it hard to get employers (present and future) to take you seriously. Brad sounds like a dream, did you enquire as to his 'pocket protection' status LOL....

Wishing you a tech-free (ok, tech-reduced) week, Huggs, G

Kath said...

I'm still waiting for an explanation of WHY you decided to start on that particular adventure pre-coffee?

But I fully understand how dependent we get on our internets! I just spent a few days waiting for Apple to send me a new power cable and couldn't think what I did with my evening if I wasn't on my computer.

Ronni said...

You just need a witness. The Big Fluffy Kitty might suffice but probably not. There's been a "witness" chip installed in all hardware since 1986. As indicated by the name, its job is to check for witnesses. If there is one, it sends the signals on correctly. If not it uses the last digit of the current millisecond to decide if it should flip the bit so that things don't work. So all you need to do to send your taxes is get a neighbor to come in and watch your computer "not connect". I guarantee it will connect. I'm pretty sure the newer hardware has the upgraded sensor that only works if there is a human witness. But you could try the Big Fluffy Kitty first. I believe it works on heat signature so if she's big enough she might register.

Rabbitch said...

Quilts. Amish quilts are da bomb.

I'll come with you.

Mia said...

Ahh but sheepie.. you'll have a WHOLE WEEK to untangle the cords :)

I feel your pain tho.. I have a major fear phobia thing about computers and all those wires, connections, routers, whatever.

I've wanted a wireless laptop for years, but unless you and Brad break up and you send him over here.. it's not gonna happen... and I'm ok with it ::laughing::

Karen said...

I'm stuck back at step one with my laptop tethered to the router. I totally feel your pain. I dare not make the leap to cord-free. I know I'll end up internet-free.
Good luck!

Cursing Mama said...

school break?
I am dying with this idea of a vacation.....

Donna Lee said...

Nothing like zombies to put things in perspective. And Amish women don't use buttons or zippers. Straight pins. Imagine a dress held together with straight pins. Ouch. And in August. Hot and ouch. No, better to be a tech dinosaur than that.

kmkat said...

You and Brad had me chortling in my cube. Thanks for the laugh!

knitseashore said...

Do the Amish have to file taxes? If they do, I'm certain it's not done on a computer. Very tempting.

mehitabel said...

What Donna Lee said--black dresses with full skirts and long sleeves, held together with straight pins. Full slips under those, too. And long pantaloons. The one place that Amish women allow themselves color is the cuffs of their socks--the feet and ankles are black. Oh, and you would have to have a Man to be your Master and Guide. Come to think of it, you're too well educated. They'd send you back. Women are barely allowed to go to the 8th grade!

Knitting Linguist said...

Do try not to trip over all of those fallen connections on your way to the bonnet store! :)

Leigh said...

ROFL! You are absolutely hilarious. The moral of the story is to never do anything before that first cup of coffee.