Can't Hit Send

I have long suspected that the culprit in my recent wireless woes was my router.  After an upgrade to something I can't even remember but one that seemed highly recommended by the nice people at Apple, I lost my wireless connection.  The Ethernet worked, though.  Not wanting to fiddle with it too much at that point in time, I let it be and lived tethered to a modem.  Which is also my router.

Until this weekend when, possessed by an adventurous spirit not normally in my nature, I decided to try re-setting all sorts of thing-a-ma-bobbies and putting it all back to where it was.  

I lost everything.  Wireless.  Ethernet.  Smoke signals.  You name it.  There was much rending of garments and gnashing of teeth.  The Internet is a very good thing and something upon which I have become a little dependent.  And, I'm not saying that this is the case or anything...but if I really haven't hit the send button and e-filed those income taxes, things are going to get very tricky without a working Internet connection.  If I did send them...then all is well.  

I'm still not saying whether I did or I didn't.  You'll just have to wait until the 15th.  Sort of like the Internal Revenue Service...

I set out this morning, bright and early to replace the offending box.  But this was pre-coffee.  I knew what I needed.  I reminded myself to be very careful in choosing my new box.  My life on the inter-webs depended on it.  There were a lot of boxes from which to choose.  And did I mention the whole "pre-coffee" thing?

I got the wrong one.  No modem.  

Vexed to the point of crazy, I took it upon myself to do that thing which I hate to do more than going to the dentist and eating my vegetables combined.  I called tech. support.

Enter my new best friend.  Let's call him Brad.  Brad and I are very close.  What we have is special.  I don't imagine that anyone else who calls tech. support gets so much attention. After an hour of button-pushing, comparing of screen images and untangling of wires, we managed to get the router/modem back to where we were yesterday:  still tethered by an Ethernet connection, but working.  Deep down, I knew I should quit while I was ahead.  I knew it on a level that is fueled by years of living in a state called Irony.  But my new best friend Brad was feeling pretty good about our progress.  He wanted to take our relationship to the next level.  He wanted to re-establish my wireless.  

What can I say?  I was caught up in the moment.  Brad and I had been through so much together...how could I tell him, "no?"  Brad knows me.  He knows that I have the old router/modem combo that came with my DSL service package.  He knew that my updating the software was what put things over the edge connection-wise without my even having to tell him.  We need no words, Brad and me.  We are soul-mates.

I consented.  I may have actually used the words, "I do," now that I think of it.

We used the old router as a bridge and the new router as...well a router.  It worked, God bless him.  I knew I could count on good old Brad.  There is just one problem.  The connection is strong and true.  Except when you...oh, darn it, what's the term I'm looking for?  I hate it when I can't remember the technical jargon.  Oh, wait!  I've got it!  It works except when you: 

Use it.

Connections are dropping all over the place.  The floor is littered with them.  And Brad is no longer taking my calls.  I'm sure he's just really busy right now.  And I don't want to appear all needy.  That's the kiss of death in any relationship.

Fortunately, I had the common sense to pick up a couple of movies while I was at the router store and spent the afternoon watching zombies.  Zombies will put things in perspective for you.  Even the worst day of your life is not as bad as the day someone tries to eat your foot.

There are any number of solutions to my problem and I am mulling them over as we speak.  No need to offer any technical advice at the moment, but I reserve the right to put out the call for input at a later date.  For now, I'm all set, I promise.  I just need the time to fix things.  And, with this being the week before school vacation, I don't anticipate getting to it until the final bell rings on Friday afternoon.  So, if the posts get spotty and the emails don't get answered, please don't fret.  I'm on it.  Like I said, I have options.

My current favorite is chucking the whole technology thing and going to live amongst the Amish.  They would surely appreciate my knitting skills.  

And I look pretty hot in a bonnet.

SA