Not Smart

As I was pulling into the parking lot of the local grocery store this morning, I happened to notice two police cars blocking in a vehicle belonging to a couple of out-of-state-guests. It is somewhat unusual to see that sort of thing and I couldn't help but stare. As there were no police blockades in place, nor any officers waving me away from the scene, I assumed this wasn't an armed standoff of some kind and it seemed safe to pull into a spot that afforded me a decent view. You know...just in case anything interesting happened.

For the record, I have experienced the aforementioned, complete with officers frantically waving me away as I attempted to park, during an after-work Mountain Dew run. Hence, I feel I can speak with some authority on this matter.

There really wasn't much of interest going on, truth be told. It was just two police cars on either side of a very small civilian vehicle. My first thought was: "Gee, I wonder if someone is going to be arrested."

My second thought was: Maybe they are going to arrest them for driving a Smart Car!

My third thought was: That would be wicked funny!!!

My fourth thought was that I should be ashamed of myself and I quickly went into the store with my head hanging low.

When I returned, the officers, the tourists and the Smart Car were all gone. There was no crime scene tape in evidence, nor any signs of a scuffle so I can only assume that the whole thing ended peacefully. I supposed that the Smart Car was back on the road and on its way to wherever it was headed in the first place, regardless of my feelings about it.

I do not like the Smart Car. I'm not proud of that fact, but I can't help how I feel. I find them smug. It's like they are looking at me with their big 'ol headlights, judging me and finding me wanting. I imagine them gathering in Smart little groups to talk about me behind my back. I feel defensive in the presence of the Smart Car.

It's irrational and I don't know just where this is coming from. I can pass a Mini Cooper with nary a flutter in the blood pressure and have been known to cheer when catching sight of an earth-friendly hybrid. But the Smart Car? There's just something about it...

It's not a big deal, really. I don't have daily breakdowns at the sight of Smart Cars. They haven't exactly made a huge impression on the auto market up here in the wilds of Maine. I'm able to live my life without having to face this personal demon, for the most part.

I probably shouldn't have said anything. I've no doubt that my inbox will be jammed to bursting tomorrow morning with hate mail from Smart Car owners demanding to know just where I find the gall to malign the reputation of such a fine, upstanding vehicle. They will probable also suggest that my issues stem from my knowing that I am not cool enough to drive a Smart Car. They won't be totally wrong on that last point.

I wouldn't have brought it up at all except for this one weird thing. Shortly after leaving home to make the drive down to The Yarn Sellar for my Summer Of Compensatory Knitting Socialization (S.O.C.K.S) session, I saw another Smart Car. Two in one day. That is odd and can only mean one of two things. The first is that this vehicle is becoming more popular around here and that I am going to have to learn to deal.

The second, more sinister, possibility is that the car is no longer merely Smart, but has moved on to being Sentient. They can process information and make decisions based on their perceptions. They know what I am thinking. They know how I feel about them.

And they know where I live...

SA