Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Not Smart

As I was pulling into the parking lot of the local grocery store this morning, I happened to notice two police cars blocking in a vehicle belonging to a couple of out-of-state-guests. It is somewhat unusual to see that sort of thing and I couldn't help but stare. As there were no police blockades in place, nor any officers waving me away from the scene, I assumed this wasn't an armed standoff of some kind and it seemed safe to pull into a spot that afforded me a decent view. You know...just in case anything interesting happened.

For the record, I have experienced the aforementioned, complete with officers frantically waving me away as I attempted to park, during an after-work Mountain Dew run. Hence, I feel I can speak with some authority on this matter.

There really wasn't much of interest going on, truth be told. It was just two police cars on either side of a very small civilian vehicle. My first thought was: "Gee, I wonder if someone is going to be arrested."

My second thought was: Maybe they are going to arrest them for driving a Smart Car!

My third thought was: That would be wicked funny!!!

My fourth thought was that I should be ashamed of myself and I quickly went into the store with my head hanging low.

When I returned, the officers, the tourists and the Smart Car were all gone. There was no crime scene tape in evidence, nor any signs of a scuffle so I can only assume that the whole thing ended peacefully. I supposed that the Smart Car was back on the road and on its way to wherever it was headed in the first place, regardless of my feelings about it.

I do not like the Smart Car. I'm not proud of that fact, but I can't help how I feel. I find them smug. It's like they are looking at me with their big 'ol headlights, judging me and finding me wanting. I imagine them gathering in Smart little groups to talk about me behind my back. I feel defensive in the presence of the Smart Car.

It's irrational and I don't know just where this is coming from. I can pass a Mini Cooper with nary a flutter in the blood pressure and have been known to cheer when catching sight of an earth-friendly hybrid. But the Smart Car? There's just something about it...

It's not a big deal, really. I don't have daily breakdowns at the sight of Smart Cars. They haven't exactly made a huge impression on the auto market up here in the wilds of Maine. I'm able to live my life without having to face this personal demon, for the most part.

I probably shouldn't have said anything. I've no doubt that my inbox will be jammed to bursting tomorrow morning with hate mail from Smart Car owners demanding to know just where I find the gall to malign the reputation of such a fine, upstanding vehicle. They will probable also suggest that my issues stem from my knowing that I am not cool enough to drive a Smart Car. They won't be totally wrong on that last point.

I wouldn't have brought it up at all except for this one weird thing. Shortly after leaving home to make the drive down to The Yarn Sellar for my Summer Of Compensatory Knitting Socialization (S.O.C.K.S) session, I saw another Smart Car. Two in one day. That is odd and can only mean one of two things. The first is that this vehicle is becoming more popular around here and that I am going to have to learn to deal.

The second, more sinister, possibility is that the car is no longer merely Smart, but has moved on to being Sentient. They can process information and make decisions based on their perceptions. They know what I am thinking. They know how I feel about them.

And they know where I live...

SA


14 comments:

Mel said...

I happen to be interested in purchasing one, when I have no choice but to buy another vehicle. Mostly because they get good gas mileage and they're cheap. Really cheap. Consumer Reports doesn't like them, but I think it's really because they're not sufficiently macho.

Julie said...

I don't like the Smart car either. All I can think of is what would happen if one were in an accident. Imagine a car hits them from behind and they hit the car in front of them. Poof! That Smart car would suddenly become a Flat car (and I hate to think what would happen to the person inside)!

p.s. I don't think Mel would fit in a Smart car; he's too tall :-)

Karen said...

Having lived in the wilds of Maine for a few years a while back, I can't imagine driving one in the winter. It doesn't strike me as something that handles well in snow.

trek said...

Neatnik thinks that Smarts are the cutest cars ever. I think they have some cute factor and it might be interesting to test drive one in a parking lot, but I really wouldn't want to drive one on the roads.

Knitcoach said...

It may have turned into a stalker? Be afraid, very afraid.

According to hubby, they just wouldn't be safe in a crash with a normal size vehicle, so they make me nervous to be around. Not that I go around crashing into other cars, I just can't get the thought of being smashed up in one out of my head. The minis are much safer in that respect and cause no jitters.

Georgi said...

Smart Cars seem to be very popular here in CO, but the last time I looked at them there was no warranty at all (that may have changed). That is not reasonable to me, and how long are the ugly little suckers going to last?

Jeanne said...

I thought I wanted a Hybrid, so I could be all green and such, but it turns out, I still want a big gas-guzzling Dodge Ram 2500.

But I have my justifications.

It's awfully hard to pull a horse trailer down the road in a Smart Car.

debsnm said...

Maybe they're zombie vehicles! Half-cars is what I call them.

=Tamar said...

They're too small and fragile looking, and the shape is just wrong somehow. The VW beetle had the right curves to be cute. It's sad how much depends on instinctive reactions, but it happens, so the designers need to get back to the drawing board. While they're at it, make it look strong!

The verification word is "redaft" - they got that right!

Knitting Linguist said...

You can only hope that they are not yet literate, so they won't have read your blog and won't yet know your feelings on this matter. (I'm not fond of them, either, btw -- for all the economy their name implies, their gas mileage really isn't that impressive -- so what makes them so smart?)

Cursing Mama said...

I liked the Smart Cars when I was in Europe....now they seem like fancy motorcycles & I'm not a fan of motorcycles...

Yarnhog said...

I think they're cute--smug, but cute. And, like the Cooper Mini, I would happily drive one if I didn't have three kids and 2--oh, wait, make that eleven--dogs. But I'm guessing it didn't get pulled over for speeding.

kmkat said...

One of the other county supervisors drives a Smart Car -- I'll have to ask her how it handles in the snow. My husband showed me a video of a crash test of one. Mostly it bounced away, the passenger compartment intact.

That said, I think they look like half a car. But I would drive it if someone gave me one :-)

Nina permata sari said...

..................NICE…. ^_^v.................