Wednesday, March 18, 2009

WNBP: A Report From The Field

It's a little of the "remote blogging" tonight, folks.  By my clock, it is 5:47.  This is normally a time when I am sitting happily at home contemplating my soon-to-be-before-me dinner and perusing my prime time television options.

Not so tonight.  Tonight, I must sit here at school and not have Parent/Teacher Conferences because that is what my contract says I must do.  I need to do this until 8:00 and then I can go home to rest up for tomorrow when I don't have to do conferences but will have morning bus duty and a full teaching day.  

Thankfully, the beverage machine in the teacher's room carries Mountain Dew (although not the diet variety) so I've got my soda buzz going and can carry on for this long evening.  I'm also rather grateful for the fact that it is Wednesday.  Let's take a look at today's highlights.  And let's also remember that Sheepie has been sitting here for a very long time.  She is a little bit punchy...

*My first conference of the day was at 12:30.

*My second conference of the day was at 2:00.

*I don't have any more conferences scheduled for today.

*I have now begun annoying all the other people who don't have conferences.

*They think it's funny at first.  But they have all planned more effectively for this night and have stuff to do.

*An hour from now they will not find me nearly as amusing...

*My conversation with the Assistant Principal thirty minutes ago:

Sheepish Annie: I'm bored.  Do you have the list of stuff I need to do to get fired?  I'm just wondering...

Assistant Principal:  No.  That is confidential.  If I told you I would have to kill you.  And we don't fire anyone in March because it's too much of a bother.  

SA:  Oh...that's a shame. 

*I then had to explain to him what Hulu was because he is apparently living in a cave of some sort and does not know of the amazing advances in the field of Things To Keep You From Ever Getting Off The Couch.

*My Principal came in a few minutes later after having been out for much of the afternoon.  Our conversation went something like this:

Mr. Principal:  How's it been going?

SA:  (completely ignoring the fact that he is talking to the school secretary and not to her) Omigod!!!  It's been chaos without you!!  We only just got the fire put out.  And then there was this guy with what looked to be a big, huge and probably super-loud gun!  I had to wrestle him to the ground, I tellya!!!  The police just came and got him and we put the chairs back where they belong so it's kind of hard to tell, but you can trust me.  It happened!

Mr. P:  I see...

SA:  Yeah!  Oh!  And I forgot about the part where I hurt my neck.  Really, really bad.  I'm just going to fill out all the paperwork now, but I'm pretty sure that I need to go home.  In fact, I'll probably be out for the rest of the year because of my heroic endeavors and whatnot.

Mr. P:  No.  I cannot authorize that.  Nice try.

*I then told him that his Assistant Principal does not know what Hulu is.  I said I found this oh, so very sad.

*Then I had to explain to the Principal what Hulu is because, apparently, there is room for two in that cave.  

*On the plus side, they both agreed that I could watch whatever I want on my computer tonight while I wait for Parent/Teacher Conferences to finally come to an end.  

*They did not say I could blog, but I'm guessing that they were including that with watching TV online.

*Or I could tell them that is what they meant because I don't think they would know that it isn't at all what they meant.

*I brought the sock along with me for knitting breaks.  I think I'll get some knitting time in while I watch Hulu tonight at taxpayer expense.

*I don't feel as good about that as you might think, but a contract is a contract.  There is nothing I can do about it and I've run out of things to do that are school-related.

*And I believe I already mentioned how people will be getting sick of me very, very soon if I don't find something to occupy my time.

*I never get many conference appointments.  Small caseload, lots and lots of meetings all through they school year on kids...most parents don't bother with a 15 minute conference when they already have at least one hour long program review coming up.

*Can't say as I blame them.  I've spent the entire dinner break trying to get someone to fire me and make me go home so I think you can guess how I feel about being here.  I can't imagine being here by choice, for crying out loud!

*I just drank an entire 12 oz. can of Mountain Dew in under five minutes.  I think I might be a little dehydrated...

*I wonder if I can go home for dehydration?

*Probably not.

*They wouldn't send me home for taking down that fictional gunman.  That makes me a fictional hero with a fictional neck injury.  And a fictional Workman's Compensation Claim is nothing to joke about, people!!!

*If they wouldn't send me home for all that, they probably don't care that I am dehydrated.  

*The other bad part about Parent/Teacher Conferences is that they don't let you wear you jammies.  They make you wear your very, very nice clothes.  The kind that pinch.  

*The pinching is exponentially worse if you have just consumed a full can of soda and a gi-normous bag of pretzels.

*A dress code makes no sense.  Why do I need to wear pinch-y clothes if all I am doing is sitting around watching TV, drinking soda and eating pretzels?  

*I do that at home and I wear jammies.  I fail to see the difference.

*I wonder if they would fire me for wearing jammies...

I see by the ol' clock on the wall that I have killed enough time here.  I do believe that I am scheduled to go bother the guidance counselors for a while.  Then I have to swing by the nurse's office and see if she wants to entertain me for a minute or two.  (If I distract her enough, I can swipe a whole bunch of those cool, super long cotton swabs!)  Then, it's back to the main office to see if either of my administrators know what an electric can opener is and that should take me right up to TV-Viewing-On-The-Computer-Time!

Aren't you glad I am hard at work out here in the field?



GinnieS said...

I am a Washington State taxpayer and, even if I was a Maine taxpayer, I say ... good for you! If your contract requires you to stay unreasonably... the actual use of the internet doesn't cost any more because you're hulu-ing... or ravelry-ing...

trek said...

You're right: you are punchy tonight. Number Guy wants to know what someone that punchy watches on Hulu.

Oh, and Sheepie, print this and take it down to the office:

Dear Administrators,

For the love of God and all things holy, please send The Sheep home right now. Given the current level of punchiness, I can assure you that she will not be a safe driver if you require her to remain at school for the remainder of the non-existent conferences.

mommy trek

Anonymous said...

I can't believe they won't let you wear your jammies; that's just wrong!

Kath said... this point in my life I wouldn't mind getting paid for watching Hulu, but the pinchy clothes...that's kind of a deal-breaker!

Anonymous said...

I am authorizing that fictional Worker's compensation claim right now. Y'all go on home, now, ya hear?

Lynne said...

It doesn't make any sense that you are expected to stay when you have no conferences scheduled. Do they think some parents will drop by, just in case?

I have always been allowed to go whenver my conferences were over; unfortunately, being a teacher of 30 students who only saw most of the parents once or twice a year, I rarely left early! Usually I was one of the last ones out! :-(

BTW, my word verification is 'colabot'. Do you think that's some kind of soda-robot?

Betsy said...

When I was teaching, I started Pajama Day...where every body shares their favorite bedtime book...admittedly it was kinder-y-garden but still...
Kids loved it. I loved it. Administration loved it. Bet you couldn't do it now (I've been in another line of work for a while now...).
You who teach now have my admiration. And my sympathy.

Karen said...

They don't know what Hulu is?!?! This totally explains why they need you so badly. It's obvious they are not in touch with the youth of today. Do they know about Facebook and Myspace? They can't fire you! You are the linchpin of the entire operation:)

Knitting Linguist said...

Seriously? You have to be there for parent/teacher conferences even if there are no parents? It seems to me that something is missing from that equation...

And seriously? They haven't heard of Hulu? And they work with kids? Oh, the humanity...