My Absurdly Gi-normous Conscience

OK.  Um...here's the thing.  You know how, last night, I said I had a doctor's appointment?  Well...that was sort of a teeeeeeny, little lie.  Not a bad one.  It was well-intentioned and I knew that I'd be able to make it come true.  At least I was pretty sure I could.  Like, almost 86.4% sure...

The general consensus out there has been that I should go to the doctor and that I should do it as quickly as possible.  I've been sick for a while and each time I thought I was getting better, I'd suddenly find myself with a whole new crop of gooey, goopy, symptoms.  And even though I knew I needed to go to the doctor, I just kept missing the boat after getting fooled by those little mini-recoveries.  

With a big storm brewing and the almost certain cancellation of school for today, I was pretty sure that I'd be able to get an appointment.  There are always openings on snowy days since people often opt to reschedule.  I figured I'd just snag one of those and finally get in to see She Who Holds The Magic Prescription Pad Of Healing.  In the meantime, it didn't seem so bad to tell everyone that I had a real appointment so they would feel like I was finally getting around to listening to reason.  People have been patient with my poor behavior and procrastination.  I thought I was doing them a kindness...

But it was a lie.  The fact that I did get in to see the doctor today with no problems at all doesn't make it less of a lie.  I should be ashamed.  But I probably would have let it go had it not been for the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty.  He has your backs.  He knew that I was being a big, fat liar and he set out to make my life miserable until I saw the error of my ways.  He was diabolical in his methodology and tireless as he went about his mission. 

 He started last night.  He fought with his sister, he tripped me whenever I tried to walk, he cried piteously from whatever room I wasn't in in order to make me come rushing to his side.  

As a final touch, he rearranged the photos on The Very Tiny Ledge Between The Kitchen And The Dining Room.  Whenever I tried to remove him from this precarious perch, he'd make certain that some valuable keepsake of mine was hurtled to the floor.

I went to bed more out of self-defense than anything else.  The AGK charged around a bit just to make certain that he'd wreaked as much havoc as possible, then launched himself onto the bed.  The resulting tremor nearly knocked me to the floor.  He ended the night sprawled across my feet, cutting off all circulation with his gi-normousness.

I awoke at 5:00, per the usual schedule.  A quick check of the local news website confirmed that I had no school today.  I went about toasting up my morning Snow Day Waff-00z and warming the syrup while the AGK resumed his tripping duties.

After breakfast, he really got his mojo going.  In spite of my telling him that there was no point in calling the doctor's office since she wasn't even there yet, he carried on with his reign of terror.  A few more swipes were taken at his poor sister and then the real fun began.

I did not set this up.  This is truly my cat swaddled in Dollar Store Cat Caves.  He is hiding.

From this cleverly camouflaged vantage point, he could spring upon anyone who happened by.  Even his poor, hapless mother who was now seriously regretting having lied to the blogging world.  The punishment was not worth it...

I admitted my wrongdoing and swore up and down that it would never happen again.  I vowed to do good deeds for the rest of my life if only he would stop this campaign of terror.  Already weakened by three weeks of illness, I had little strength left and could only admit defeat.  I had learned my lesson.  The AGK seemed to think about this, then...

...he proceeded to commandeer my laptop.  My Google homepage disappeared as his gi-normous fanny made contact with the keys.  

Apparently he prefers the Dr. Seuss version of the search engine.  And, if you look closely, you can see that he chose to search in all caps.  He did not hit the "caps lock" button to do this.  He used the "shift" button.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did check to see if the search came up with anything.  It did.  Lots of things.  Weird things with no apparent connection to each other.  I don't want to think about it too much...

I called the doctor's office and, as I predicted, there was an early opening.  I slogged through the snowbanks and arrived right on time.  There, I was diagnosed with multiple infections or, as the doctor put it, "one gigantic infection of everything..."  She didn't hear any lung crackles, but she never does when I have pneumonia.  However, since I don't particularly want a chest x-ray, it didn't much matter to me one way or the other.  It's the same prescription.  I was given 500 mgs of Azithromycin (my antibiotic of choice) with three, count 'em three, refills and a side order of the "good" cough syrup.  The kind with the codeine in it that will make me not even care that I am sick.  

I have followed through.  I am diagnosed and prescriptions have been delivered unto me.  I returned home and informed my cat that I had done my penance.  He promptly fell asleep and has left me in peace ever since.

Still...I felt badly about my little, white lie.  It was wrong.  I should have been honest, even if it meant people thinking that I was crazy for taking a chance on a cancellation at the doctor's office.  It seemed only right to do something a little extra in the way of penance, something that I've been neglecting of late.  And so I did.

I used my Snow Day and Medication Stupor to, at long last, knit.  It was the right thing to do.

SA