House Rules

We here at The Sheepish House Of Orderly Behavior And Self Discipline are firm believers in following the rules.  The rules are very, very important to our daily living.  We make the rules, periodically review the rules, revise the rules as necessary and spend at least twenty minutes per day patting ourselves on the back for doing such a good job with all those rules.

We don't write the rules down in the normal course of things.  It's harder to revise them or interpret them based on the unique circumstances each day presents if they are in print.  All that crossing out and applying of clarifying sticky notes makes it really hard to read the rule book.  However, for you guys, I'm willing to jot a few down so you can see how amazingly dedicated I am to the keeping of order around here.

Blogger lets you edit posts so it should all work out, right?

One of my hard and fast rules is this: A Healthy Body Is A Happy Body.  I like to stay in fighting form and to do that I must ensure that my diet is full of healthy foods.  My oven produces vast quantities of nutritious meals, all of which are low in fat and high in vitamins.

There is certainly nothing which might be awaiting frosting.  Not from this kitchen, thank you very much.  

One of my favorite sayings is, "Organization and good note taking are the platform shoes for short memories."  I'm sure you've heard that one.  It's probably been around since before forever.  Therefore, you will never see me setting aside the sleeve designed to go on a thing that is not in any, way shape or form a sweater (because I don't knit those, right?) then taking the row counter, re-setting it to zero and using it to count the rows on a heel flap.  

Because that would mean that I know all the stats on my flapping, but have no earthly idea where I am on the sleeve increases.  

Can you see how the rules keep things running smoothly here?  My brain is working well from all the nutrition and my knitting is so under control that it is a little bit scary.  And the rules don't just apply to me.  No sirree-bob!  It is just as important to make certain that the family pets understand how the rules apply to them.  What good does it do one to live an orderly existence if there are critters running amok all over the place?  I am a kindly overlord to my pets.  I am firm, but fair.  Thus, we have a solid understanding of our individual roles as pets and master.

For example, no pets are allowed on the kitchen counters.  Anyone who poops in a box and who doesn't wear pants should not be resting his (or her) hindquarters in an area designated for food preparation.

Ever.

I know it sounds harsh.  Who hasn't wanted to sit amongst the toast crumbs every now and again?  But it is for their own good.  Cats who sit on the kitchen counter will ultimately experience a deep and unshakable guilt.  The overwhelming sense of shame will come to shadow their every waking moment, then creep into their sleeping hours.

They will never again rest comfortably.  The guilt will haunt them.

I'm certain that, by now, you are completely in awe of me.  You must be wondering how you can ever live up to my high standards of rule-following.  You may even despair just a teeny, little bit and feel like giving up since you can never be as amazingly self-disciplined as I.  That's OK.  I get that a lot.  And you shouldn't feel badly.  I have, after all, had many, many years to perfect my system of rules.  You just need to give it a little time, is all.  Then you, too, can be as happily rule-bound and in control of your life as Sheepie.  

We'll celebrate with cupcakes.  But can we make them at your house?  I've got a little "kitchen counter situation" at mine...

SA