Thursday, May 22, 2008

Let's Do Lunch

I had several students out today.  I have grave concerns about our ever finishing the latest round of standardized testing.  I am also dodging the computer teacher most of the day because she is the one who has to administer these tests and is having a freak-out of epic proportions over the number of students who haven't finished them.  But I have to admit, I enjoyed the break.

In fact, instead of a room full of kids during the lunch hour, we had but one.  This allowed for some light chit-chat whilst the Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I dined.  I ate my little cup of cottage cheese slowly, savoring the delicate blend of cottage and cheese.  It was like being a real, live grown up, I tellya!  As our twenty minute meal progressed, the conversation turned to ME.  Because I have a tendency to force it in that general direction.

Sheepish Annie:  I'm not gonna eat my salad right now.  I'll save it for later.  It'll be like a nice treat!

Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  Mm-hmmm...

SA:  Don't let me forget it, OK?  I've been a bit light on the fruits and vegetables of late.  I'll probably have scurvy by next Wednesday if you let me forget it.  (Nutrition is very important.  Which is why I like to foist responsibility for my overall health and well-being onto others.  I think everyone enjoys taking part in the care and feeding of ME)

CTA:  Sure thing...

SA:  Here's something funny.  Yesterday, I forgot to eat my lunch and the only vegetable that entered my system for 24 hours was pizza sauce.  At least I didn't have to make a lunch today, right?  I've got one right there in the little fridge!  That's almost like "planning!"  Heh-heh!  (I find ME to be very amusing and a delightful luncheon companion)

CTA:  You're getting quite a stockpile of those in the fridge these days.

SA:  What?  No!  Not at all.  I've been eating my little spinach salad every day like clockwork.  I am a paragon of nutritional awareness, a shining example to the children for whom we must model the good behavior.  I should get a medal for eating that salad every day!

CTA:  Whatever you say.  But there's a whole lotta plastic containers in there...

SA:  Lies!!!  Vile mistruths!!!!  I am so TOO eating my salad every, single day and I can prove it! (marches to the teeny classroom fridge and flings it open to settle this matter once and for all)  Oh.  There sure are a lot of plastic containers in there.  I'm guessing they are all yours and I am appalled by how few salads you are eating.  Shame on you!

CTA:  Yours are the ones with the green lids.  

SA:  (pauses to let this information sink in)  Change of plans.  I'm penciling in the scurvy for Monday.  I'll probably need a sub for the rest of the week...


It seems I have been missing a few more of the midday meals than I thought.  To be fair, I have been eating my cottage cheese.  And cheddar cheese cubes.  I know this because none of those were left in the little fridge.  I also checked my purse to make sure I hadn't hidden them in there. (I do this sometimes...it's best to not think about it too much)  But I'm thinking that the six cheese cubes and the cup of cottage cheese are not exactly a meal.  And I may have found the reason why I seem to be eating my own weight in crackers three nights a week.  

To be fair, it is easy to forget a salad.  Especially a spinach salad.  Vegetables are yucky.  I'm sure that there are those of you out there who might disagree.  However, I believe that you have been brainwashed by the vegetable industry and are in danger of a sugar crisis at any moment.  But what I fail to understand is how I'd rather miss a meal than eat a vegetable.  That just seems wrong.  I also can't get my head around how I'm not just forgetting about the salad but am actually capable of virtually erasing its existence from my mind.  Or even rewriting history to reflect its consumption.  That seems like rather extreme denial.  

I suppose it's a good thing I've been remembering to take my vitamins at night.  At least I think I've been remembering.  I don't really know anymore.  Things have gotten fuzzy.  For all I know, I've been swallowing jelly beans.  

If you need me, I'll be in the Scurvy Ward.  I don't know if they allow visitors, but I'm guessing that they are supporters of the fruit basket delivery.

That's sort of too bad, really.  I was kind of thinking about doing some spinning this weekend.  I was staring into space last night (apparently from the scurvy...) and my eyes rested upon the wheel.  I've had some rather lovely fiber on there for a while and I got to thinking that a little whirling of the wool might be a nice diversion for the whole "I Have An Odd Compulsion To Knit A Plastic Bag Out Of Plastic Bags" thing.  Maybe if I remember to eat my salad tomorrow and sneak in a fruit smoothie for breakfast, I can put off the scurvy episode for a little bit.  The fiber is a lovely green color and quite reminiscent of a kiwi.  Maybe it will give off an aura of vitamin C or something...

But just to be on the safe side, I should probably go check the vitamins and see if there are a billion of those left as was the case with the poor salads.



They are big vitamin packs.  They should be good for something...


SA

17 comments:

Knitting Linguist said...

Those vitamins do bear a sneaking resemblance to jelly beans -- maybe to increase their chances of being eaten? Here's hoping that green fiber has some vitamin C...

trek said...

Hmm, multi-vitamin, calcium, the Bees, looks like maybe even a selenium in there. Good stuff.

But not a substitute for the vegetables, sorry, Sheepie.

Hey, wait a minute: Sheep are supposed to like vegetation: aren't like 99% of all sheep in the world vegetarians?

Donna Lee said...

Maybe you could blame the whole plastic bag from plastic bags thing on a lack of vitamins? I try to eat cottage cheese and fruit most days but I long for the cheese steaks I can smell in the office window from the cart outside. It's terribly hard to be an adult.

Brandie said...

Sometimes I think eating vegetables is over-rated, but then again, I'm addicted to sugar a whole lot and I think that clouds my judgement just a bit.
Hmmm ... maybe we should both be eating more salads!

kmkat said...

I'm pretty sure green fiber counts as a vegetable, especially if it is dark green. Lots of folic acid and stuff. Maybe yellow and pink and light green and pale orange-y fiber would count as a fruit.

Mel said...

You know, where I come from, we actually add sugar to our greens. Then boil all the vitamin C right out of 'em.

Jeanne said...

I absolutely abhor lettuce and other leaves as food, so... no salads for me. Not ever. Not even to "be polite". Not even coleslaw. In fact, I'm abnormally afraid of large botanicals (no, I don't watch "Lost", why do you ask?). So I understand your aversion to salady things. Haven't they made a pill for that yet?

Julie said...

That sure is a handful of vitamins; I take mine in one giant tablet a day.

I have just one question about the salads: did you have to move the old ones to put the new ones in the teeny refrigerator?

Karen said...

You must eat your veggies. You're a sheep, they love their greens.

Mia said...

sheepie, if ya don't like salads, quit takin' em for lunch. For the same calories ya could probably have a twinkie instead.

sophanne said...

Sometimes I just get mad at lettuce and I've had enough of it. When that happens I make a salad without the lettuce (tomato, cucumber, carrots, cheese cubes, turkey-pepperoni-olives) If the veggytables are fresh I don't even always need dressing then. Maybe you and spinach need some space and time to think apart

Cursing Mama said...

Might I go out on a limb and suggest that the Sheepie add a fruit to the cottage cheese; it's what I do and let me tell you it not only makes the food last longer but it also prevents sudden onset of scurvy. Today's selection would be a tiny single serve can of peaches - which would be so much better if they were in heavy syrup, but I have sacrificed and purchased Lite syrup for the health.
At least tomorrow is Saturday and all food rules regarding nutrition go right out the window & I can eat anything I want.

Yarnhog said...

A salad is not a meal. Now, a granola bar...

How do you feel about V-8 juice?

TheAmpuT said...

If you start knitting with the wrappers of the vitamins, I am going to....well, I don't know what...I can't think. I have scurvy, too ;-) Hey, At least ayour produce is getting made into salads! Some of mine is just coming home from the store and sitting in the fridge, wilting.
The only trick I can offer with salads, and this usually works for me, is to chop the components very small. For me, one of the reasons I don't eat them is because they take too long to chew! Sounds silly, but once I switched to "chopped salads" (and made my own tasty, disguising dressings in the blender) I would eat the danged salad. But that was then. This is now. Right now, I'm in no-salad-land. Must fix.

Denise said...

Wow, those vitamins are very largish. Are they hard to swallow?

Despite my good intentions I'm just not very good at taking my vitamins. Yesterday I noticed the 'best by' date on one of the bottles went past about 2 years ago. oops.

Leigh said...

Well, I like my salads, but I like my chocolate chip cookies too, so no chance of any sort of crisis on this end. :)

April said...

What are these "vegetables" you speak of?