Wednesday, May 14, 2008

WNBP: Spring Fashion, Travel And Fitness

Yeah.  I'm like a regular women's magazine these days.  I've got it goin' on.  Let's run down this weeks bullet points:

*I had a meeting in Lebanon today.

*I get a kick out of saying that because anyone who doesn't know that Maine has pretty much stolen every town name from somewhere else will think I travel to exotic locales.  

*I drove several miles over bad roads and past run down trailers.  We stress different syllables when we pronounce our version of Lebanon so we can pretend that we invented it.

*I'm still calling it, "travel."  I don't get out that way very often.

*Before I left for the meeting, I had to go check in with the principal.  Our conversation went like this:

Ms. Sheep:  Hi Mr. Principal.  I am going to Lebanon today.  Things upstairs are not going well so I am very late for my meeting and the Cheerful Teaching Assistant is looking a little "frayed."  Just thought you'd want to know...

Mr. Principal:  What's going on up there?

MS:  Well, The Kid Who Has Separation Issues is not dealing with Mommy going to a meeting very well.  He is making my leaving the building somewhat challenging.

MP:  You could take him with you.

MS:  Well, I have a team of engineers working on that gigantic baby sling for me, but it is taking a while.  And costing a fortune.  I should have a receipt for you soon.  Meanwhile, he is going to have to stay here.

MP:  (double over laughing at the image of Ms. Sheep lugging around a thirteen year old child with separation issues...he finds me amusing)  So...are you coming back?

MS:  Yes.  Wait...I mean no.  I didn't know there was a choice.

MP:  There isn't.  You have to come back.  

MS:  Please!  What are they going to do to me?  Transfer me to the bad job at the Middle School?  It's been done.  They can't fire me.  No one else will do this job.

MP:  I'll return you to the classroom by any means necessary.  I'm retiring.  What are they going to do to me?

*He won.  I came back.

*Wardrobe stress over my needing to attend a retirement dinner in a month's time continues unabated.  I have issues.

*I am not wearing a dress.  That is final.  I wavered a bit, I'll admit.  But I won't do it.  It would be wrong.  

*Dresses scare me a little.  They are very unpredictable thanks to their their swirling in the breezes and tendency to get stuck in one's panty hose.  I have enough to worry about what with the upper arm situation and having to remember not to wave too enthusiastically for fear that I will inadvertently slap a poor waiter who is just trying to serve me my chicken.

*People never think about the poor waiter in these sorts of situations.  But I do.  And I won't risk any sort of harm to a waiter just so I can wear a dress.  I need to be focused.

*Speaking of the upper arm situation, I have been focusing a great deal of the weight portion of my workouts on the triceps.  Now I can't wave at all.  I can raise my arm to a certain point, then I must make little whimpering noises and slowly lower it back to the starting point.  

*Yup.  I'm looking pretty hot these days.  Big baby sling and flappy, (yet strangely immobile) arms.  That with the whimpering and I'm like a beauty queen.

*I don't leave the house much.  I think we can all see the reason for this.  It is just too much to expect of the general public...

*I'm still not knitting.  I can't seem to narrow it down to a pattern choice.  

*But I'm thinking about knitting so I can still call this a knitting blog.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*Remember the last knitting slump?  When it finally broke, I knit eight thousand baby thingies for my niece and her little kidlet.  

*Any minute now, I'm gonna bust loose with a torrent of knitting.  It'll be epic.  I'm resting up for it, that's all.

*That's my story...yeah, that one.  I'm gonna stick with that.  It sounds better, I think.  Almost like I have a plan.

*And like I'm not obsessing over how the heck I am going to lose a full dress size in the two days left before I go for my fitting for a bridesmaid dress and cure upper arm flap in a month without surgery.

*Because that might make me look a little crazy...

Hope the day has treated everyone well and that you found the perfect outfit or baby sling to meet your fashion needs.  Or that you are knitting something nice.  Those all seem like very good things to me right now.



mehitabel said...

Baby sling indeed. Today I was accessorized by Miss Audrey, though we did not go for the sling. Strollers rock!
I will match you in the Big White Arms contest, and raise you Two Giant White Legs that are different sizes. I wear jeans. Full length. Period. Full stop.

No dresses unless I have to be the Mother of the Bride. Or Groom, but luckily I am fresh out of marriageable sons!

Kris said...

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I could knock someone over in a neighboring state when I wave. That and well, saddlebags are no longer just for horses. Thankfully the girls still reside in their original zip code.

Beth said...

Thanks for the funny post!

Upper arms - ugh! I used to look at people's rear ends and stomachs and wonder if I was bigger. Now I notice upper arms instead.

Kath said...

Since I worked as a waiter at weddings for several years I can tell you that there are so many worse things that can happen. But I appreciate the thought!

sophanne said...

So I found you because yarnhog meme'd you and this post made me subscribe- a new fan for you!

Ronni said...

Long enough skirts are pretty hard to get stuck in pantyhose since with long enough skirts you don't need pantyhose. I have a nice denim one (almost like wearing jeans!) from Territory Ahead.

I think three quarter length sleeves were invented to help baby boomers deal with the upper arm issue. Unfortuntely they always leave me with the different but just as stressful issue of sleeves that end just at the furriest part of my arms, thus drawing attention to the fact that I have at least twice as much arm fur as the hubby.

Mel said...


Anonymous said...

Lugging a 13 year old around would definitely whip those upper arms into shape.

I've been in a bit of a knitting slump lately, too. I don't have to worry about calling my blog a knitting blog though; I've been posting so infrequently, I have to worry about calling it a blog at all.

trek said...

This hasn't been the best dietary week here at chez trek. Ear'fections/allergies/general malaise all contribute to "I want carbs => comfort food."

Off to see what the scale says...

PS - But someone told me yesterday that I looked like I'd lost weight. Hope she wasn't really trying to say "You look haggard and drawn."

Alwen said...

Yeah, as julie says, when our son was carrying-on-the-forearm age, I had the most muscular arms evah!

So if you carry a 13-year-old around that way . . .

Cursing Mama said...

Are you 100% sure you don't want to wear a warm-up or practice dress before the wedding? I'm feeling like you might need the practice.
You could even knit up some nice wraps to distract from the flappy arms - -

Anonymous said...

You could just stop with the upper arm references, ya know. I am way too busy worrying about the double chin and a caboose the size of Connecticut to have to start thinking about the upper arms, too.

debsnm said...

We have a town here spelled Madrid, but pronounced MAD-rid, and Thoreau, pronounced Threw, so I'm totally on board with changing pronounciations. Get a long-ish skirt. We used to call them 'midis', remeber? Then you don't need pantyhose, you can wear cute, bare-toed sandals, and nothing gets stuck in inappropriate places. I always thought Dolman sleeves were for us 'arm-challenged' bunch, after all, they look so much like my arms!

Yarnhog said...

Retirement definitely trumps transfer. Damn.

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

I've given in, home work outs do not work for me, I'm joining a gym!

Knitting Linguist said...

Thank you for a much needed giggle (or three). On the dress/pants issue, I decided to forgo the dress for a fancy-schmancy party this past winter, and got a very happy pair of black flowy pants made out of some lovely crepey material with little tuliped bottoms to the legs and (get this) an elastic waist. And they were elegant (this is where it's worth going to Nordstrom -- they carry elegant pants with elastic waists; that is worth every penny, and every "you don't belong here, you bag lady you" look I get when I walk in). Maybe you can find something lovely like that?

catsmum said...

if you've been visiting Chez Moi you'll probably have noticed our strange synchronicity. There has been a dearth of the knitting goodness over my way as well. Mainly because of quilt deadlines and all and maybe there was some surreptitious spinning but nothing involving the sticks and string.
This must change