Monday, May 19, 2008

In The Crosshairs

Sometimes Monday just lets you have it.  There is nothing you can do.  It has you dead in its sites and isn't going to let up until you are well and truly flattened.  Monday can take you out of the game with lots of little stuff.  I suppose I should be grateful for that.  There could have been flaming meteors involved.  

The day started off with a blown light bulb in the only lamp my bedroom boasts.  It expired with great fanfare and explod-i-ness.  At least it seemed that way to a half-conscious Sheep.  About the only thing that went right was that I figured out how to program my new coffee maker and there was some hot joe waiting for me when I stumbled blindly to the kitchen.  Of course, I had managed to spill most of the water last night so there wasn't exactly a full cup.  But I am counting my blessings and being grateful for the half cup.  And the fact that I wasn't electrocuted by the water that I'd failed to notice on the counter.  

The Cheerful Teaching Assistant lasted all of ten minutes at work before I just sent her home.  I found her drippy nose and pale visage to be less than pleasing to mine eyes.  And she really needed to be at a doctor's office.  This meant that I only had the Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant and she works half a day.  So I was all by my lonesome with the children and I suspect that they are out to get me.  

The workday ended with a spectacularly childish exchange between teacher and student that went something like

"I'm outta here!"

"Fine.  That will make for a more pleasant classroom."

"Seriously.  I'm leaving.  I'll just wait for my bus in the office.  And I hate you."

"Again, that is just fine.  Dandy.  Go."

"I'm really going."

"No.  You are just standing there.  Why are you still here?"

"I'm going to the office right now."

"Goody.  I'll call them and let them know that your delightful presence is soon to be theirs."

He went.  I called ahead.  Things were better after that.  But it wasn't enough.  Not by a long shot.

I rescued the other kid from The Classroom Where Things Were Not Going Well and installed him in the office so I could end this most miserable of days.  (I get to leave before the fifth graders do because I work the sixth grade schedule so I don't have to live at the school.  Hence, some students get to sit in the office if they can't function in The Classroom Where Things Were Not Going Well.)  Never before has an educator been more grateful to see the parking lot.

However, there had been others there before me.  Apparently, some low-flying birds took a fancy to my new car.  I'm not talking about one embarrassed sparrow who just couldn't hold it.  Or a couple of easily surprised humming birds.  I am talking about a flock of the miserable creatures, all intent on simultaneous, mass evacuation.  They did a fine job of covering my vehicle with their bird poo.  A fine job indeed.  But, as God is my witness, if I ever find the individual who hosted the All You Can Eat Bean Burrito Buffet For Local Birds, he or she will know my wrath.  

Because that is just wrong.  On more levels than I care to discuss.

I'm just glad to be home.  And that there is rain in the forecast.

It's nights like this that I am also glad for Blogging Get Out Of Jail Free Cards.  I couldn't find a topic if my life depended on it.  Thankfully, Yarnhog tagged me for a meme and I shall gratefully complete my assigned me-ing.  Here you go.  Stuff I don't have to think about:

"The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer."

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

I was teaching in a school a little closer to home, hating it with a passion and finishing up my grad school application.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

*Scrape poop off my car
*Not throw up a little in my mouth as I scrape poop off my car
*Complete the afternoon workout in order that I might fit into my bridesmaid dress come November
*Pat the Big, Fluffy Kitty and give her some Greenies because she poops in a box
*Cut up another million plastic bags so I can keep knitting a plastic bag out of plastic bags

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Things that are chocolaty.  Things that are cheesy.  Things that are salty.  (mostly the sorts of things that will prevent me from fitting into that bridesmaid dress come November...)

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Quit the job, do good works and nap more than is good for a person.

5) Places I have lived:

I've lived in Maine my whole life.  The whole thing.  Nowhere else.  Just here.

7) 6 peeps I wanna know more about:

As always, this one is up for grabs.  Feel free to meme yourself as you see fit!  It is a lovely way to make a post out of a Messy Monday.

Last, but by no means least, let's all take a minute to review my boxtop totals for Trek's Boxtopapalooza Contest!  I am continuing in the fine tradition of Slow And Steady Wins The Race.  Nothing new this week.  But I feel a surge of box-topping coming on any minute now.  You'll just have to brace yourselves.  It is going to be a little scary when it all comes to a boxtop head!

Now I must be off.  I need to go see if the rains have started.  If not, I need to get a spatula and some paper towels...



Mel said...

The rains, they seem to be toying with us of late. I notice this more because it means I actually have to water my little garden. By which I mean hook up the drip irrigation and turn on the hose, then walk away and do other things - sleep, for instance - for several hours.

Anonymous said...

Look on the bright side. At least the birds pooped on your car and not on your head as you approached said car. That would have been cause for breaking out the shotgun and taking out your wrath upon the birdies.

Jeanne said...

Maybe the birds are polka-dot fans. Good luck with that. Uch.

BTW, I took up the MeMe challenge.

trek said...

Blech! Don't you have a local automatic car wash nearby?

Hope Tuesday treats you better.

Donna Lee said...

I park under a tree at home and let me tell you, it's a mess when the mullberry tree in the back blossoms and fruits. Suddenly, all the birds in the neighborhood (and they are legion) have purple diaharrea. They should know not to eat those berries. I should know not to park under the tree. Because our tree becomes the local hangout for birds. EWWWW.

Karen said...

There must be something in the air since my car looks like it's been hanging out the same place as yours.

Cursing Mama said...

What Kmkat said -

Knitting Linguist said...

I'm glad you made it through your Monday. Some weeks just start off like that...The bird poop just adds insult to injury, alas.

Kath said...

Gahhhh....sounds like quite the Monday!

So can I theorize that perhaps CTA was also sent home so that she would not share her cooties with you and the rest of the classroom? :)

And yeah, we have seagulls here. They can rain down the poop like no other birds I've seen.