Monday, May 12, 2008

A Sheepish State Of Affairs

I'm a multi-faceted kind of gal.  I got lots goin' on here.  There are many sides to The Sheep...many "states of being," if you will.  Here's how things are going on several fronts:

The State Of The Carbs:

In spite of the fact that my Cheerful Teaching Assistant, with whom I joined forces in a two week stint of carblessness, is now able to re-introduce the happy carbohydrates back into her life, I am still trying to keep them at bay.  She got to have cereal for a snack today, but I stuck with six cubes of low-fat cheese.  Sometimes fate is a fickle creature.

I received in the mail today an envelope bearing the address of my former school.  I liked this school a lot.  And everyone there liked me.  But, the job had an expiration date and I had to leave after two years.  I miss the school and all the people.  So you can imagine how giddy I was to receive an invitation to a retirement dinner that is being thrown in honor of three former colleagues.  I do believe I shall make an appearance.  But, having not seen everyone in a while, I'd like to do so with a waistline.  

Of course, these people knew me at my largest, back during the time I learned to sew in order that I might make my own tent-like garments so that I didn't have to face shopping for them.  My current size is an improvement on that and I'll no doubt be praised for my having whittled down to these proportions.  I guess I could eat carbs all willy-nilly between now and then and still not gain back the extra sixty or so pounds that I was carrying at the time.  

But there is more to consider.  Last night, the Future SIL called to let me know that we will be heading out to the local purveyor of bridal wear on Saturday for the ritual known in wedding circles as The Fitting.  I will be trying on dresses.  With others.  There will, no doubt, be mirrors involved.  I haven't worn a dress since 2001.  I really, really like the Future SIL and am thrilled at the thought of being a part of Baby Brother Sheep's nuptials.  But there will be all those other people and mirrors and tape measures...

You see the problem here.


State Of The Classroom:

Whilst the children enjoyed a very well-deserved fifteen minute break for all their hard work this morning, I thought I'd take a minute to check out the bridal shop's website for a gander at the possible choices available to the middle-aged bridesmaid.  I may have let out the smallest of whimpers at the sight of all those toned, teenage models who bear no resemblance to yours truly swathed in taffeta.  Or a cry of horror.  Or an outright shriek.  It could have been a song of lamentation over the whole situation with my upper arms...  Whatever the sound I made, it was enough to attract the attention of a student and he wandered over to see just what had made me lose all sense of where I was.  Upon seeing the black and white number that was featured prominently on my screen he said, "Dude!  You should totally get that one!  You could be a Ninja Bridesmaid!  EEEE-YAHHHH!!!!"  

You will just have to imagine the impromptu martial arts pose that went with his battle cry.

This is the same student who later expressed concern over my lunch of baby spinach.  Or as he put it, "Dude, why are you eating leaves???"

When I reminded him that I was soon to be a Ninja Bridesmaid he said, "You will be wearing a dress.  That's funny!"

I've worked with this kid for three years now.  He knows me pretty well.  And has never once seen me in a dress.  

I'm going to make a note of the Ninja Dress, though.  That one might be kind of fun...


The State Of The Knitting:

Well, I'm just flummoxed.  With the Invisibility Shawl gone to its new home and that relationship behind me, I haven't been able to settle on the next great love affair.  I'm muddling around with a sock, but it isn't inspiring me.  I'll have to settle in with some knitting books and see what the Muses puke down upon my head.  It is about that time of the year where I start thinking I can knit a sweater.  Maybe I'll try another one of those so I can do something utterly stupid, frog it, try again, then throw the whole thing down in disgust and happily return to the socks.  I like to think I could get this out of my system before the hot weather really kicks in...


The State Of The Workouts:

See the aforementioned State Of The Carbs.  I almost dislocated my solar plexus with all the lifting of the heavy objects and weird contortions.  


State Of The Boxtops:

All you other people who are participating in Trek's Boxtops For Education Contest, be afraid.  Be very afraid.  For I, The Sheep And Master Of Collecting, have amassed a grand total of....wait for it....ONE!!!  Yes, that's right.  One.  I am one of those people who likes to start off slowly then build up the momentum.  I think that the slowness of this start should give you pause and make you reconsider your participation.  For if I can start with such amazing slowness, you can only imagine just how much speed I shall be picking up as I continue in this endeavor.

You have been warned.


That's a whole lot of states.  I should stop there.  I must rest up for tomorrow's ongoing efforts at carb-reduction, waistline location and slow boxtop collecting.  That is very tiring, you know.

And now I have to practice Ninja Bridesmaid moves to boot...

SA

15 comments:

Knitting Linguist said...

A regular state of the union -- and so much better than the ones they usually air on TV. I can't imagine the horror of having go to try on bridesmaids' gowns -- maybe your SIL will let you go with a classy bridesmaid pantsuit? Wish lovely flowy pants? NOT made of taffeta? One can hope...

Beth said...

I feel your pain. I just got back from trying on swimsuits. The piece of chocolate cake I'm now eating is helping me get over the trauma. ;)

I can't wait to see your dress!

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

I'm so proud of the carbless-ness. Go you!

trek said...

We are quite pleased with the clipping on ANY Box Tops here at chez trek, home of Box Topapalooza 2008!

Sheepie, how about knitting up an EZ Knitting Without Tears Seamless Saddle-Shouldered Sweater with me? So far, I've got 4½" on the body. It would have been more except for the homework monitoring-induced stresses of this evening which led to the zombie killings.

Come over to the Dark Side (sweater knitting) we have cookies.

Or we would if I wasn't so sick that I haven't gotten to the grocery store.

Maybe tomorrow.

Kath said...

Oh god help me - I'm having dress flashbacks. I see a sweetheart neckline, short sleeves, sort of a peach satin glow, and...ohmigod.. A big whompin' bow above the butt!!!

It was nasty but I survived. To the best of my knowledge there is absolutely no photographic evidence. (And if any turns up I'll be there with matches.)

Be brave, be strong. And bring strong beverages!

Karen said...

I'm sure your future SIL will pick the most lovely dress for you.

Leigh said...

"State of" is a wonderful thing to post! I loved it.

Enjoy your "retirement" dinner. Your successful weight loss should be a real encouragement here.

April said...

Sheepie, I still have my midnight blue satin bridesmaid dress with the taffeta roses on the shoulders and the nice white taffeta bustle down the back (circa 1989) if you'd like to borrow it. Or there's that lovely little teal number guaranteed to make you look like a trashy Ivana Trump knock-off as well.

You have no idea how I feel for you at this moment in time.

Donna Lee said...

The last bridesmaid dress I wore looked like a Cinderella dress, yep, the kind with the biiiiig hips and skirt. There was enough fabric in that thing to make an entire Halloween costume for one of my girls. And it was grape. The grapiest purple you can imagine. I was a vision of loveliness as I floated down the aisle.....

Alwen said...

In a way, I'm now bummed that I'm married and can't be Ninja Bride. And that my brother got married and I can't come as Ninja Bridesmaid.

I have one unmarried brother left, so there is still hope.

Cursing Mama said...

I do believe that you are a Dudette, not a Dude. Of course the lack of dress wearing may be what is confusing this delightful student; sadly there is only one way to correct the situation.

Julie said...

Ninja Bridesmaid - I like it!

kmkat said...

Ninja bridesmaids -- what a hoot!

Ronni said...

You totally need to do Ninja Bridesmaid. Actually, you need to link the photo of Ninja Bridesmaid because that is too funny for words.

mehitabel said...

There is something worse than bridesmaid dresses. Yes, there is too! Let me whisper it...the words that strike terror into my very soul... mother of the bride dresses!
All right, now I need a good lie-down to get over the horror. Maybe SIL-2-B will let her Maids choose from one of those Separates lines--tops and skirts and pants all dyed to match for that Unified Wedding Party look, but still allowing the individual personality to express itself. Sort of. In pink satin.
Okay, I really am going to go lie down now. You see, I have an unmarried daughter...