Revelations

Last week, my Cheerful Teaching Assistant arrived in the classroom with the saddest of expressions and informed me that her doctor had put her on a low-carb diet.  Although it is a short term period of restriction, the very thought of it made me sad.  Carbs?  Well, they are just gifts from heaven above, I do declare!

(Yeah...I get a southern accent when I talk about carbs.  What of it????)

However, I realized that a little of the solidarity might be in order in this situation.  I'm a veteran of the Battle Of The Bulge and I know how hard it can be.  So I offered to join her in this endeavor.  I solemnly vowed that, during the school day, I would walk the low-carb path with her.  No more sneaking pretzels from the school snack cupboard.  No dipping into the "emergency" peanut butter cup supply in the fridge.  ("emergency" is in quotes because my definition of a crisis seems to have become far more flexible of late...)  No little candies from the student rewards drawer.  I would observe the dietary rules just as she must now do.  

And I've stuck with it.  There has been some experimentation involved.  The Day Of Naught But Meat resulted in lethargy and weird-tasting burps.  We won't be doing that again.  Just having the hour long discussion about Why I Can No Longer Digest Meat Like A Youngster was enough to put me off the animal protein.  I've had better luck with the cottage cheese.  And the cheddar cheese.  Dairy seems to be my friend.  With a little spinach salad and some of that spray dressing that makes the students ask if you are now using window cleaner as a condiment, I've got something I can work with.

I never really got on board with the whole low carb craze, if the truth be told.  I saw too many people who read one article, half a book or heard about it from a friend successfully lose a great deal of weight, only to gain it back quickly.  I have learned from painful experience that the only way to lose weight is to eat a balanced and sensible diet and to burn more calories than you consume.  No one wants to hear that, really.  They want to hear that they can eat pickles and fudge and that the pounds will magically fall off.  But, unless there are medical issues that make for a different kind of dieting experience, the only real trick is to eat less.  And if you are eating less, you have to eat smarter.  

I know enough about human anatomy and nutrition to know that I don't know enough to mess with my blood sugar and whatnot.  However, I have to admit that going low carb for a week has resulted in my buttoning my jeans this morning without uttering phrases like, "You are a circus freak!"  Or, "Why oh why has my waist forsaken me????"  And the fatigue which seemed to be plaguing both the CTA and myself appears to be dissipating day by day.  

I'm not saying I'm a convert.  But I will say that I am a bit more conscious of what is going in my mouth these days and that is a good thing.  Besides, I only have to do this during the day.  Once home, I can sneak a carb or two (or forty...) in without anyone being the wiser.  

With that little bit of self-reflection behind me, it was certain that others would follow.  Take the Invisibility Shawl, for example.  I have developed a love/hate relationship with it.  I adore the yarn.  I find joy in how the fabric drapes.  It is a lovely thing.  And yet I am starting to feel shackled to it.  It is clingy and needy.  It won't let me breathe.  It doesn't understand that I need some space, time with my own friends...just some me-time, you know?  This is the perfect set-up for cheating.  I just know it.  So here's the deal:

Wherever I am with this project come Friday, is where I be.  It is the end of the line.  It will be cast off and blocked.  I may not like the length, but I will live with it.  It is time.  This relationship is no longer healthy.  It is time for me to have a little fling with something of a short term nature.  Maybe another pair of Maine Morning Mitts.  Or a hat of some sort.  Anything that I can just date casually then send on its way.  Call me fickle.  Say that I'm what's wrong with society these days.  I don't care.  I am who I am.  I'm like a lone wolf.  Or the wind.  Or anything else you can't tie down, baby.  I was born to run.

Except on that day I ate all that meat.  I didn't run at all.  I just napped.  And burped...

SA