All For One

As you are all, no doubt, aware by now, I have amassed a rather impressive collection of things that I believe are out to get me.  A partial list might include:

Zombies

Carbohydrates

That truck I got rid of last month

 All insects

The baggers at the grocery store

As you can see, I've got my hands full.  I lie awake nights wondering just what entity is planning the next move against me.  And now, as if that weren't enough, I have to add another thing to the list of Potential Bringers Of The Doom.

The light bulbs.

That's right.  You heard me.  The light bulbs have united against me.  It has taken me four decades to catch on to their little game.  But, now that I am aware, they should start being a bit more careful.  I'm watching them.  Of course, I've yet to figure out a way to defend myself against the light bulbs.  I don't even have any thoughts on how I might irritate them a little.  Light bulbs are sort of impervious to the traditional forms of defense.  But, I'm working on it.

And stop looking at each other like that.  I see you.  You are giving each other that knowing glance which says, "Here we go...Sheepie's dancing on that precarious line between 'normal' and 'let's go get fitted for a nice tin foil hat' and which is followed by a vigorous eye roll at my expense.  But I am not crazy.  The light bulbs have formed some sort of coalition and are coming for me.

How else can you explain the fact that they all seem to blow out at once?  It never fails.  When one of the little balls of glowing light gives up the ghost, the rest all start following suit.  It's like a suicide pact or something...

Now, I'm sure that the more scientifically minded amongst you are all scrolling madly down to the "comments" button in order that you might point out the logical answer.  I'm anticipating any number of responses along the lines of  "Well...if you are replacing the bulbs all at once, doesn't it stand to reason that they would all expire at about the same time?"

That's just what they want you to think.  

This theory would make sense if I used all the light bulbs equally.  But I don't.  Some of them are rarely used.  Others glow with regularity.  The ones that don't see as much use should last longer.  But they don't.  They let loose with that little "pop" designed to scare me into some sort of cardiac event right along with their little burnt-out buddies.

I've been replacing a lot of light bulbs lately.  They are exploding all over the place.  I had to go out and buy more today after school.  I spent the last half hour toiling through the condo, unscrewing and screwing little balls of glass just like this was something I enjoyed doing on a Thursday.  

I spoke very sternly to these light bulbs.  I told them that there was to be none of the nonsense I'd experienced with their brethren.  There would be a reasonable amount of time between the popping sounds and those who were given ample rest time between lightings would reflect this in their life span.  There was finger shaking in their general, bulby directions and my eyes were narrowed in a manner that I felt was most threatening.  I think I made my point.

Crazy...yeah right.  Crazy like a fox, I tellya!!!  You'll all the sitting in the dark with your unbowed and brazen burnt-out bulbs while I sit in well-lit comfort.  We'll see who's crazy then, my friends!!!!!!!!!

(insert maniacal laughter here)

I'm going to do some spinning tonight.  The lighting around here is really pretty impressive and highly conducive to seeing the pretty yarn looping itself on the bobbin.  Spinning is also sort of calming.  I'm not saying that I need settling down tonight...

But it couldn't hurt.

SA