Monday, December 17, 2007

Zombies In Snowbanks

I decided to take the high road this morning.  Sure, it was cold.  And yesterday's snowfall meant that I would have to dig through a layer of white stuff in order that I might be able to see from the windshield of my truck.  It would have been easy to just call in sick and be done with it.  I hate to admit it, but I really did consider that course of action.  

Responsibility won out, though.  I had program review meeting on the docket this morning and I will be out on Wednesday for a doctor's appointment.  The least I could do was wander into school and do my job for four out of five days this week.  When you consider the fact that it is the week before a school vacation, it seems like the right thing to do.  So I did.  Even if I didn't have any clean handknit socks for the trip outside.  Well...I did have a couple pair, but they were lime green and didn't go with my Program Review Meeting With Parents Ensemble.  I reluctantly put on the store-bought, really thin pair that were lying on the top of the sock pile.

These did not serve me well when I ventured outside.  It seems that the plows were busy yesterday what with all the other people who were buried and that they neglected to make it to my condo complex.  I staggered through the drifts to get to my truck which was responsibly parked on the roadway in order that the plows could get through.  (that would be the plows that never came, by the way)  The snowflakes happily burrowed their way into my shoes and soaked into the cheap socks while I struggled to scrape the night's precipitation from my chariot.  

My neighbors, perplexed as to where to put their cars when there were no actual parking spaces to be found, employed great creativity in locating homes for their vehicles.  They were pretty much abandoned in the middle of the roadways and made for an exciting trip out of the complex as I attempted to navigate around them over the ice.  

The ride to school from that point was uneventful, really.  In fact, most of us made it.  I say, "most" because we were short one teacher today thanks to a head-on collision that should have been far more tragic given the circumstances.  Everyone was fine.  But, I drove past my colleague's car as I approached the school (not realizing it was she) and it is safe to say that there is a teacher who will be asking Santa for some new wheels this Christmas.  

I decided at that point not to complain about my lack of plowing and just be glad my car wasn't smooshed.  However, I came perilously close to complaining when we had to cancel the meeting that inspired me to go to work this morning.  I'm not made of stone, you know.  That was discouraging...or irritating.  I can't remember which.  Still, I made it to work unscathed and demonstrated great driving skill on unplowed roads.  I counted my blessings and began looking forward to tomorrow's start to the day, complete with plowing and sunshine.  

Tonight, I am washing socks.  I need clean, handknit socks for tomorrow.  I am sincerely hoping that they dry in time.   If not, I will wear the green ones.  I don't care.  

Because when I got home tonight, I discovered that they still haven't plowed out my lot.  Everything else is plowed.  Just not my parking lot.  


It almost makes one wonder if responsible behavior is worth it.  But then you get a little chuckle.  Actually, you get a big chuckle.  Dunno who done it, but a big Thank You to whomever sent me The Zombie Survival Guide.  272 pages of validation!!!  Your timing is impeccable, really.  I needed a little laugh after trying to find a place to put my truck and wading through snowdrifts to get back into my house.  Please know that there will be hours of Happy Preparedness Perusing over the holiday break!

And probably a few more Zombie Survival posts than is appropriate for the holiday season, I suppose.  But, zombies don't know from Christmas.  

Nor, apparently, does our snow removal company.



mehitabel said...

According to Christopher Moore and The Stupidest Angel, zombies do know about Christmas. They can wreak a great deal of havoc on a holiday gathering, too, but if you have an angel around (especially one whose stupidity caused the whole mess) a happy ending is indeed possible. I suggest that you get Raziel to be your own personal anti-zombie angel!

Donna Lee said...

Zombie preparedness is no joke! We own that book (I thought you probably already had one, being the prepared person you are). We often discuss what we will do when (not if) the zombies come. We discuss which of our household goods would make good weapons and who we would sacrifice (oops, that part is a secret). My husband is using the coming invasion to justify buying a flame weed killer.

Kris said...

I'm glad to see you made it through the day with your sense of humor intact.

Em said...

I also thought you'd read the book. I found the advice invaluable for planning my various escape/defense plans for work, home, etc. We've decided that Wal-Mart is the place to go (they have guns, ammo, food, and other such useful things) to prepare. Congratulations on all your adult-like fortitude. I wish we'd gotten some of the snow, all we got was cold, cold rain. Mmmm, cold rain. It's New Jersey's favorite weather pattern.

kmkat said...

One word: Sorels. I didn't think it was allowed for a person to live in Maine without them. You may only need them one day per winter, but you will have them until you die so really, they are a bargain. Expecially if you jazz them up with fancy schmancy laces :)

Anonymous said...

kmkat is right; you need some Sorel's! I'll be curious to hear how they plow out your parking lot considering it seems that everything has turned to ice.

trek said...

Did your lot get plowed yet? No snow here. But very cold. Cold enough that I am wearing a turtleneck under a button up under a hoodie. Yes, that cold. And damp. Never forget the damp. But no zombies. And we still have the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals if all else fails.

Anonymous said...

Handknit socks make everything better. Is there something about that in your new book?

Cursing Mama said...

Zombie survival tips! I have a feeling that you equate that information to a whole bag of cashmere.

kim said...

The Zombie Survival Guide is required post-Christmas reading at our house. It has become a tradition.

I have teenage boys (and adult, but still mentally teenage boys) in my household, so tradition takes some interesting turns.

This year I think I'll add demonstrations to the readings, with blunt and padded weapons only, of course. It will not help with the preparations if we injure ourselves too badly to be be able to defend ourselves, now will it?!

Catherine said...

This link will lead you mini zombies for your desk. Also the devil ducks make a dull pair of knitting needles fun, wait is there such a thing as dull knitting needles? Oh well they offer a nice way to waste time.

Beth @ Felt Like Knitting said...

I hope you got your socks washed. I put on the pair of socks I finished this fall and at the end of the day I noticed a hole. Apparently I "kitchenered" incorrectly and the toe is coming undone. Aack!

Mia said...

oh cool sheepie :) Fun AND useful!

And you realize, of course, that I can never look at my car again without thinking of it as my "chariot" hehe. Good word!

And yeah. That snowstorm just plain sucked.

PS: Help a girl out and drop me a note when you find the cure to get RID of the zombies ::laughing::

Anne said...

Sorels, and shoelaces from You'll be all set, and the zombies will keep their distance.