Sunday, December 23, 2007

Misdirection

If you could see me for reals right now, you would be witnessing an awful lot of arm flapping, pointing and head-tilting.  You would hear me commenting on imaginary birds flying past us, movie stars strolling through my living room and the fact that your fly might be unzipped.  I might even do a little dance or perhaps lurch into a cabinet door left carelessly open.  With any luck, I'll break my arm in the process.

I'll do just about anything to distract you from the fact that I have wasted an entire day today.  I would say that I did "nothing" except that I have clearly been breathing and the state of my waistband implies that I have fed myself well.  But, of the things that needed to be done today, I have accomplished a grand total of zilch.

There are two things that need doing before Tuesday slams into me, bearing a full load of holiday cheer.  That's right.  You heard me.  Two. Things.  That's it.  I need to wrap the presents and bake some bread.  Wrapping is a gigantic pain and not something I do particularly well.  But the universe has seen fit to grace us with the invention of The Gift Bag so my inability to cut a straight line or successfully pull decorative paper evenly around corners isn't such a big deal.  I can manage wrapping things given the new technology.  And bread?  Bread is just mixing stuff and waiting.  Then doing something and waiting again.  Then doing something else and waiting for a bit longer.  If you do the math, most of bread baking is really about watching cartoons.  I can do that.  

But neither of these two things were done today.  I thought about doing them quite a bit.  I made plans for doing them in that mystical time known as later.  But later never really made an appearance so these two rather simple tasks were not done.

This would be fine had I been engaged in some sort of pleasurable pursuits.  The spinning wheel is out.  I could have spun up some pretty yarn.  I've finished any Christmas knitting that ever had a fighting chance at completion.  I could have been working on my Sort Of Purple Socks That Might Match Something I Own without any real guilt.  With little else to do, I could have dressed myself up in fringes and baubles then danced a merry jig about the Christmas tree.  The cats would have been my only witnesses and they no longer have the ability to be surprised by anything I do at this stage of the game.  The possibilities were endless, really.

But, with the exception of the aforementioned consumption of oxygen and carbohydrates, I did nothing.  I lolled on the couch like a beached Sheep from the time I rolled out of bed until I forced myself into an upright position to type this post.  And this very act is tiring me mightily.  
I have commented a few times (or a few hundred times...I forget which) about my now being on vacation.  I suppose I knew on an intellectual level that I was ready for this little break in the teaching routine.  The stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a tough one for the average educator.  It's not really all that long and you'd think that we could simply coast through it with a few sternly worded threats to the children about how we all have Santa's personal phone number.  But it always seems looooong.  And whomever it was who thought it was a good idea to tip off the fifth and sixth graders to the whole Kris Kringle Konspiracy is on my Naughty List for all time.  They have no fear.  There will be an Ipod under the tree no matter how often they offer their theories on how I might improve my teaching style or make helpful suggestions about warmer locales I might wish to visit.

I think I might be tired.  Just a hunch.  But ten hours of laying on the couch and repeatedly demanding that the cats make me coffee seems to be a pretty good indicator of a certain level of fatigue.  And now, here I am.  The Blogging Hour is upon me and I gots nuthin.

The consequence of my day of sloth is that I must resort to misdirection and the pointing out of imaginary starlets in order to keep your eyes from seeing the truth.  And we are a little short on starlets here today...

Thankfully, Blogger was being a somewhat fussy about uploading pictures last night.  I still have a little yarn from yesterday's unplanned shopping spree to share!  Let's hear it for the last minute save!!!  Look at the pretty yarn.  No need to check the knitting basket or the state of the kitchen.  Just look at the yarn and allllll willlllll be wellllllll.....



Schaefer Yarn.  Breaking out the "Hand Painted Luxury Fibers" is ever so much better than breaking a limb for the purposes of distraction.  

And yes.  It is called, "Anne."  Which is close enough to "Annie" that it caused my travel companions and partners in shopping to sing the siren song of yarn and convince me to purchase it.  (Or, the name was casually pointed out and I fairly leaped upon an excuse to bring yarn home with me...whatever.)  I have no plans for it at the moment.  It is suitable for a very fine sock, but I bought two skeins in case I have a sudden urge to produce a scarf of some sort.  For now, I just like having it here.  If I were capable of actually getting off the couch, I'd probably go get it and sing a song to it or something.  Maybe tomorrow...

And speaking of tomorrow, I will be kicking off the first "official" day of my holiday break with a bit of the frantic flinging of the flour followed by a couple of tape and tissue paper tantrums.  I suppose it wouldn't be Christmas in The Sheep household if I didn't leave these sorts of things to the last possible second.  They usually get done, though.  And I should have all sorts of energy after my day of rest.

If not, then I'll come up with some sort of new distraction.  A well-timed Christmas Tree Fire, perhaps...

SA

9 comments:

trek said...

I would pay money (in real American dollars) to watch your Christmas tree fire!

(You should have known me in the days before I had a propane grill!)

kmkat said...

I am the queen of wrapping paper and tape. Why don't you just overnight those packages to me and I'll be-wrap and be-ribbon them for you. Oh, wait, you would have to wrap them in brown paper first...

Never mind. Hey, look over there! Gorgeous Schaefer Anne yarn!

Beth said...

Tomorrow you will feel so rested that you'll just jump right into the wrapping and baking, right? It could happen...

Knitting Linguist said...

How about if we cut you some slack and you don't burn your tree down? I'm willing to look at beautiful yarn photos all day, and am not at all wedded to hearing about the successful Flinging of Flour. Look! Yarn! (BTW, just finished a pair of socks with Anne, and a) they are lovely, and b) in spite of the fact that I was knitting them for a large-footed friend, it would appear that there is enough yarn left for socks for me -- how about *them* apples?) Enjoy your well-deserved rest :)

mehitabel said...

I am the worst, WORST wrapper in the entire world, and I hate hate hate doing it. Now that I have an Elf-in-Residence who LOVES to wrap, I have palmed the whole job off on her. The only problem? Well, she's a procrastinator and a perfectionist. Our living room is currently knee-deep in wrapping paper, boxes that are headed cross-country once they are filled with WRAPPED gifts, and she's planning to bake apple pie sometime between midnight and 8 am Xmas morning!
Is there room for me to refugee under your tree??

Mel said...

Well, you are on vacation. And of course, you did give Patti all the credit for pushing you into that purchase yesterday, but I will at least claim a little bit for myself, having been right on the scene to back up her encouragement and all.

Have you had When Pigs Fly's chocolate bread? We've given the mix for it away as gifts 'cause the finished product is so incredibly yummy.

Mia said...

Hmmmm.... baked bread... now ya got me thinkin' Sheepie :) And as far as I can tell, there's absolutely nothin' wrong with a day being glued to the couch :)

Merry Christmas :) and Happy Vacation :)

Anonymous said...

Your new yarn is lovely.
I hate to wrap. Thankfully it's done. Today I have to prep tomorrows dinner and bake a pie. I hope your wrapping and baking go quickly and well.
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Knit Against The Machine said...

Annie,
Sometimes doing zilch has its pleasures :)Have a Merry Christmas :)