I Debated...Then Decided To Go For It.

This is one of those school stories that I just shouldn't tell.  Seriously.  I'm gonna get caught.  I'm gonna have to explain myself.  I just know it.  But it is too good to not tell.  For you, I will risk my very career.

Background Info:  The sixth grade classes in my school take a required health course.  Somehow, long before my arrival in this community of learners, someone began calling it Puberty Class.  Now we all just call it Puberty Class.  Or, if we are pressed for time, "Puberty."  As in, "C'mon kids, settle down now; it's time for Puberty."  I love my job. 

The Scene:  Ms. Sheep is attempting to herd her students out the door before the winter snows pile up so high that they can't get the door open.  They do not seem to feel the same sense of urgency she feels at the prospect of being trapped together for the night and are having some difficulty pulling themselves together. 

Ms. Sheep:  OK, Treasured Ones.  It is time to pack up your things and take your leave.  Our minor winter weather event has turned into something a bit more "interesting" and we need to get you all safely out to the buses in order that you might arrive home in a similar condition as when you left this morning.  Step lively, now.  Ms. Sheep will miss you terribly, but you must go.  Seriously.  Move it, people.  I need to drive home in this too, you know.

Student Who Is Now My Favorite For What Will Become Obvious Reasons:  I'm good.

MS:  No, no my precious.  You must go get your coat or you will catch a chill.

SWINMFFWWBOR:   Don't got one.  

MS:  Well, the proper way to say...oh never mind.  Just stand here and wait for the bus.  Think warm thoughts.  You'll be fine.

SWINMFFWWBOR:  Oh!  Wait!  I won an award today!  I gotta to go get that out of my locker.

MS:  An award, you say?  Well, by all means!  I'm so very, very proud of you!  Let's go get that Bad Boy!

Ms. Sheep and her student proceed to the locker to secure the piece of red construction paper that has been carefully laminated.  SWINMFFWWBOR proudly shows it to his teacher.

MS:  A reading award!  Dude!!!  I'm so proud!!!  Reading is really hard for you...wait.  Does this say what I think it says?

SWINMFFWWBOR:  Yup.  I got an award as A Puberty Reader.  And that word there is, "appreciation."  I'm appreciated.  For the Puberty Reading.

MS:  ....

SWINMFFWWBOR: (waving bright red construction paper acknowledgement)  Hey, Ms. Cheerful Teaching Assistant!  Lookit my award!

MS:  He's a Puberty Reader.

Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  .....

SWINMFFWWBOR:  (seeing that his teachers are wavering between hysterical laughter and the need for clarification)  No one else would do it.  Every time they needed someone to read in class, they'd just get all stupid.  And stutter.  Drove me nuts.  I had to keep saying, "it's vagina!!!!!"  Whatta buncha idiots.

MS:  I love my job.  I love it so very, very much.  I love it more than Snow Days and shoe sales.  

CTA:  No one believes me.  I try to tell them what I do here.  They just don't believe me.  

MS:  Love the job.  Love it.  I'm never going to retire.  Ever.  

 The SWINMFFWWBOR beamed happily until his bus was called.  Then he headed home to show his mom his award.  Still beaming.  I love my job.  And I love this kid.  And he loves his award.  And the Puberty teacher appreciated him.  And told him so.  Then laminated it.  

I didn't knit today.  I had to drive home in a blizzard.  Then I had to go to the grocery store where it was mobbed with people who were also out of Mountain Dew and low fat chips.  There was a palpable feeling of anxiety there.  And not much of the Good Will Towards Men.  But I didn't care.

Someone in my class got an award for being a Puberty Reader today.  And I defy you to find someone else who can say that.

SA