Monday, October 01, 2007

Thank You?

The Helper Elves have been at it again. I thought that they'd finished their work on my behalf at the beginning of the school year. Their "assistance" with rescheduling my students and not telling me about it until the day before school started was really more than enough. Seriously. They could have just stopped there. But, Helper Elves aren't really built for standing around. They like to help. The fact that their "assistance" is really more along the lines of "interference" doesn't deter them in the least.

Helper Elves have amazing self-esteem.

I was out on Friday in order that I might visit with the dentist and the doctor so the playing field was just wide open for the Elves to jump in with both feet and do their thing. In my absence, they helped their little fingers to the bone. They helped until it hurt. And I mean that literally. They have helped me into quite a mess and I will be cleaning it up for at least a week.

Helper Elves mean well and this is really part of the problem. I am only human and when I am faced with an Elf who is grinning happily (perhaps a bit maniacally, even) and proudly outlining all they have done to make my life better, I don't have the heart to tell them the truth. The fact of the matter is that they have made my job about ten billion times more difficult and that I will now have to use up half my day undoing all the helping. But they are just so darned proud of themselves. Am I made of stone, here? Am I to be the one to shatter their illusions of helpfulness and tell them that they should hang up their pointy little Elf shoes for all time?

I just can't do it. But, I also cannot help my inner rage at the situation. Hence, I must take a deep breath and just blurt out as quickly as is humanly possible through my clenched teeth:

Wellgodblessyourlittleheartthankyousoverymuchyourejustsodarnedhelpful.......

The Helper Elves scamper off to their little Elf Hive to share in their triumph, maybe have a nice little cookie as a reward then plan their next Helpful Intervention. Their self-esteem remains intact and, if Karma is with me on any level whatsoever, my kindness will result in their finding someone new to assist.

I'm all set with the helping...

Meanwhile, Blogger seems to have taken pity on me and is offering me a crumb of genuine help. Pictures seem to be an acceptable form of expression for bloggers today and thus I am able to share with you a photo of my finely crafted stitch markers. Created from the finest materials available at the local discount store's beading aisle, they represent the heights to which a Sheep can rise when she is loaded up on narcotic cough syrup and is in need of some bigger markers:



And if you are thinking, "We waited twenty-four hours for this??? I want my money back!!!" then I do not blame you. I may have exaggerated a bit with regard to their amazingness....
But, when I am knitting something floofy and fluffy with lots of little holes in it, I prefer a stitch marker that doesn't dangle and try to wrap itself up in the yarnovers. These little jump ring/plastic bead thingies work much better for me. Plus, I sort of like to keep the dangly markers for necklaces...Sheepie loves her Knitting Bling!
I may wear a few of them tomorrow. They will lift my spirits as I continue my efforts on behalf of The Helper Elves and their misguided good works. And maybe I can distract them with the stitch markers' shiny, sparkly qualities so that they forget about whatever their next helpful plan might be for me.
Failing that, I can throw the markers at them and maybe cause some sort of injury that will hobble them for a while.
SA

13 comments:

Donna Lee said...

Did you ever hear the Irish prayer, God bless our friends and turn the hearts of our enemies. And if she can't turn their hearts, may she turn their ankles so we shall know them by their limping. I suppose you could substitute "helper elves" for "enemies" and get the same results. Helper elves hide in the strangest people.

catsmum said...

and you're not going to tell us, in long and excruciating detail, about what the elf help actually entailed????

missemilysmom said...

Those pesky Elves!! I can just imagine :0)

Take care!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could suggest the elves help someone who you know needs more help than you do.
Nice stitch markers!
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

trek said...

Perhaps you could give the elves some clothes and they will go away - free elves.

Beth said...

I'm with catsmum - what happened?!

I love your stitch markers! They look like they're perfect for lace. Do the beads stay put on the seam of the ring?

knitseashore said...

Is there some sort of talisman you can wear to keep the elves away (ie superman has kryptonite, vampires hate garlic, etc)?

I hope undoing that help is not too excruciating and things get back to normal soon.

Bobbi said...

ah yes "help" you gotta love it :)

the stitch markers are pretty!

kim said...

I'm sure you already know this, but in an attempt to be helpful (insert evil grin), I want to point out that if you don't tell the Helper Elves, or at least their supervisors, the situation will not change. You don't have to hurt their feelings - acknowledge their attempts to be helpful - but let them know how their efforts have backfired & cost you time & energy. If you don't, you are just enabling their future "helpfulness".

Cursing Mama said...

The "helper elves" are alive & well at my office too; although their ego's are not in tact. In fact my "are you kidding me" response to a recent "helpful" change was not taken so well.

I'd go with the last stitch marker plan you had.

G said...

Beware of the elves!!!

I like your stitch markers, funky and functional. I agree,the ones that get caught on stitches, toooooo much bling, are no help at all.

Huggs....

PS Did you get my email from the weekend?

Julie said...

I love the stitch markers; they are especially amazing when you click on the picture and get to view them in all their GIANT glory!

As for the Helper Elves; I say squish their little egos by using Cursing Mama's response (never did like elves very much).

Mia said...

um sheepie.... your arts and crafts are lovely and all.. but I do believe I've seen people wearing similar "stitch markers" in some strategically placed piercings near the chest area... just sayin..

::laughing my ass off::

sorry... :)