Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Zombie Q & A

Some very interesting comments came about after the last posting in which I detailed how one might use household bleach to purify drinking water in the event of a long term zombie invasion. I thought it might be helpful to respond to a few of these.

In no particular order:

Mel: Well done! You will most certainly be on the short-list when I recruit my squadron of zombie fighters. You are correct in stating that we will have significant problems once the zombies begin munching on the maintenance workers. This will, in fact, be the main issue with the utilities. However there are also some secondary concerns. Zombies, when whipped into a feeding frenzy, are known to fling themselves at generators and transformers. They will also attempt to climb electrical fences, thus causing major shorts that will blow out the power in many areas.

Annie: Yes, I have seen the pattern for the I Heart Zombies motif. My initial response was going to be something along the lines of, " But I don't heart zombies. I am afraid of zombies. Very, very afraid. Thus, I probably would not knit this pattern." However, upon consideration, I have rethought this. If some of the zombies are capable of retaining any of their higher order thinking skills, it might be a useful entrapment strategy to wear a sweater that leads them to believe I heart them. They might wander over thinking that I am willing to offer them a little nibble and then I can cut their heads off. (this is the preferred method of zombie extermination) I'm not all that good with color work, but I suspect that, under the circumstances, no one will be too fussy about my having used duplicate stitch.

Beth: I can certainly see how having a cold during the zombie invasion might impair your ability to detect the slight odor of bleach that tells you the water has been correctly decontaminated. However, I strongly discourage your approaching a zombie for their assistance with the sniffing. First, zombies do not smell all that great. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to detect the bleach smell over the stench of decaying zombie flesh. Secondly, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, the zombies want to eat you!!!!! In the earlier films, they tended to eat the whole person. Later flicks had them in search of just the brains. Either way, I find it hard to believe that you will fare well. Frankly, I think that the water is going to be the least of your problems at that point. But, if you are concerned, simply have one of your hardy band of survivors do the sniffing for you.

Thank you all for your comments and questions. I am glad to see that we are all starting to take this a little more seriously. I am proud to call you my zombie warrior clan!!!

Now for some knitting content as it pertains to my soon-to-be-unmanageable schedule. Tomorrow afternoon I will begin a class. Not a good class that will teach me about interesting things like sheep shearing or spinning straw into gold. No. This one will be on the fascinating subject of Administrative Supervision. I have absolutely no interest in this topic whatsoever. None. But it seems that my teaching certificate is soon to expire and I need to pull down some credits to add to my portfolio if I want to continue in the glamorous life of a public school teacher. The class is free and worth 4 graduate credits. Hard to argue with that... So, I'll be feigning massive amounts of interest in this subject from now until May.

However, there is hope for my sanity. I'm thinking that such a dry topic might lend itself to knitting. I'll be bringing along my new little sockie and hope that the professor is one of those who likes to lecture and doesn't much care how we all stay awake. God help me if this is one of those group interaction type classes...I really need the credits! And the socks, for that matter.

Sadly the state of Maine does not grant recertification credits for Zombie Invasion Preparedness Training.



Mel said...

Well, I do know a little bit about the living dead. I did, after all, live in Pittsburgh for three years. I even shopped at the mall from 'Dawn of the Dead'. And I've watched 'Shaun of the Dead'. And I'm actually very good at decapitation (don't ask, though you might be able to guess).

trek said...

I don't think that zombies eat Sheep.

Have fun in class.

brenda said...

Hope the class lends itself to knitting. Either that, or sit in the back row behind a really tall person, use wooden needles and knit in your lap. Then the teacher will be none the wise!

Beth said...

Thanks for the zombie clarification. I must not have been thinking straight! :)

Good luck with the training! Maybe it will be better than you think.

Anne said...

Fingers are crossed you will have plenty of sock knitting time. Although.... depending on how thrilling (or not) a lecturer this person is, it may wind up being a sort of zombie training class, if ya know what I mean.

kmkat said...

What? No recertification credits for Zombie Invasion Preparedness Training? I'm writing my congressperson RIGHT NOW.

Anonymous said...

Don't they have some sort of crafty class where you could get credit for knitting and spinning?

Kate said...

I think that you should get credit for sock knitting. There is math and patience involved, both required for teaching, right?

Lorraine said...

Aren't some of those classes actually zombie recruitment classes? - ZZZZZZZ - The use of the sock knitting as a defense mechanism against the diabolical plot to turn you into a zombie is genius - pure genius!

olga said...

speaking of zombies, Steven Kings book 'Cell' has an interesting take on zombies, a kinder, gentler zombie if you will.....but this IS Steven we're talkin about.

Amy Boogie said...

I think I forgot to mention that the Huisbeast has been preparing for the Zombie Invasion. Or so he says as he buys more guns. It's his way of being able to have a safe fortress when the invasion happens. Everyone needs to congregate here and we'll blast 'em away from the roof. Or something like that. Bring the bleach I have the yarn.