Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Somebody Stop Me!!!

There are words that should never leave the mouth of certain Sheep. Things like, "I simply must get around to organizing my handcuff collection" spring to mind. Or, "You must excuse me as it is time for my weekly high colonic." These are things that you will never hear me say. Or if you do, then I have been taken over by aliens or zombies and you are to shoot me immediately.

But the words that I spoke today are, by far, the oddest. I'm not saying that this is one of those things that should send you scampering off for the family firearms or anything. We are not at that stage of panic yet. I am reasonably sure that this is just a phase of some sort, fueled by the giddiness brought on by having something new. But I am concerned. In some kind of out of body moment, I floated above my form and heard myself utter this:

I don't want to be at school today. I just want to stay home and iron things.


I know...this is not good. Not good at all. I am not one who is normally brought to my knees by the pressing of garments. I don't shudder at the sight of the wrinkles. I actually hate creases in my pants. In fact, I pretty much hate anything that relates to housework in any way, shape or form.

And ironing, for crying out loud? I am not good at ironing. Frankly, I tend to press more wrinkles into the item than I smooth out. But, sadly, it is a necessity. I have clothing storage issues. I have nowhere to hang things since The Great Closet Collapse of '96 and there is little hope of my remembering to remove things from the dryer in anything less than 48 hours of it's having successfully completing the drying process.

So, I iron. I've never enjoyed it, though. But, after yesterday's memorial service for the dear, departed iron from my college days and the hasty purchase of my drugstore iron, I have a renewed appreciation for this timeless art. It is exhilarating! It gets really, really hot and this truly speaks to my love of danger and possible injury. Then, just when you least expect it, it makes this delightful, "shhwwwwwp" sound and clouds appear as if I'm in heaven or something. I have consulted the manual on this and it seems that this is, "steam." And it is supposed to do this! I mean, honestly! Can you believe how far they have come in ironing technology? My old iron never did this!!

Now, the wrinkles that I press into my helpless trousers are crisp and smell like fabric softener! And the steam has just done wonders for my pores. I am a new woman, I tellya! I'm not saying that I necessarily love this new woman...she's a little obsessed with the ironing. But, I think she'll settle down a bit once the newness wears off.

All this ironing has taken its toll on the sock knitting, though. Poor little sock #2 has had to wait patiently for this phase to pass. It has really been quite good about the whole thing. I'm finding that Socks That Rock, despite its hard-core kinda name, is really pretty classy, overall. It knows its worth. And I think it knows that any other fancies are of a, "passing" nature.

Good thing. 'Cuz I'm feeling an overwhelming urge to iron the bedsheets...



My New Iron!!!

Yesssss, my preciousssss...Momma loves you!

Send Valium. I beg of you.

SA

19 comments:

Beth said...

Annie, back away from the iron...open a window and breathe deeply. You need to snap out of this before something dreadful happens. Soon you'll be organizing your undergarments by color. There'll be no time to blog. It could be awful!

Bobbi said...

ah the love of a new gadget no matter how trivial, such a wonderful thing!

I keep hearing about this socks that rock yarn and I'm gonna have to find me some, everyone seems to love it!

Knit, I AM said...

Annie,
I'm one who also tries to stay away from ironing and run away from anything that needs to be ironed; but on rare occassions such as when creating something with the sewing machine and I need to press a seam down...and,if that iron forms into my hands...ah..yes..I agree...the calmness and onesness that process of ironing imparts...one seems to drift and think while ironing of peaceful meadows and sunny days..I hate to say it..but ironing could be a stress relief...but,then I have knitting for that:)

Julie said...

It sounds like you might need an intervention. Perhaps we knitblogger friends of yours should converge on your home and force you to face the truth. You have a problem, Sheepie. I mean really, would any sane person WANT to iron? I think not.

trek said...

It is definitely time for an intervention but I can't make it up there tonight, intervene, drive home, and get Neatnik ready for school on time tomorrow morning. So, you should consider this an electronic intervention.

Would you please put HM on the line? Thank you.

HM, step AWAY from the iron. It is a simple tool for creating back pain. You do not want back pain. The iron can also burn your hands. You do not want that, now, do you? No, I thought not. If you burn your hands, you will not be able to spin nor to knit. This would be very bad as you have an appointment for removing The Mole of Disturbing Dimensions and a cleaning with Dr deSade in less than a month's time. You need the decompression and stress relief of the fibers. Also, burnt fingers cannot bear being wrung in distress.

Um, HM seems to have left the computer.

RM, are you there? Oh, good. You need to go calm down HM now so there is no time for you to iron.

April said...

Sheepie, iron your underwear! You'll be busy FOR DAYS!

C said...

April is right. And when you run out of ironing, HM, scroll down to a certain post (you will know which one):
http://monstercrochet.blogspot.com/

catsmum said...

I better not hear that you've been ironing the teatowels [ do you call them that or are they dishtowels over there?] Anyhoo you'd better not entertain thoughts of ironing those cloth thingies that you dry your dishes with or I'm coming over there to do an intervention.

Anonymous said...

My grandmother used to iron everything, including underwear and bed sheets. She had hardly any time to knit and only completed a few strip afghans. Please don't let it come to this. Put down the iron. Pick up the sad little sock. Sit on the couch and knit. Now doesn't that feel better.
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Emma said...

You know, there are a lot worse things you could be helplessly infatuated with. I wouldn't worry. The newness will wear off and you'll be back to hating ironing soon enough!

lobstah said...

Heh, I'm one of those who kinda likes ironing too. My college roomate used to tease me for ironing curtains before I would hang them. Now dishwashing...still for the birds!

olga said...

I'm sorry, but due to the disturbing turn in content of this blog, I cannot in any good conscious continue to read this "blog" Me thinks that the Martha Steward clones have taken over. I have to go to Yarn Harlot for some purification.......

Anonymous said...

" There is nothing so useless as doing effciently that which should not be done at all" Peter Drucker;)

debsnm said...

Put down the iron, step back, and take a deep breath - this is a sickness, and you MUST stop it!!! Do everything in your power to get away from the madness that has become the iron! Run! Run quickly and buy a broomstick skirt!

Debby said...

Irons have steam??

Maybe I better head to the drugstore and check this thing out...

Mouse said...

I'm sure the novelty of the new gadget will wear off shortly. I was like this with the samwich maker I got for christmas one year.. we ate nothing but pressed stuffed bread for 2 weeks. I don't even know where that thing got too after I lost intrest.

brenda said...

When you're done with your bedsheets and underwear, you could come on over to my house because I HATE to iron!

Jen said...

IRON? Agh! I'd rather go naked than iron!!! LOL

Lazuli said...

Wow! That is something you don't hear every day, isn't it! You want to iron some things from my closet? And my DH's? We have things that could really use an honest-to-goodness meeting with some iron heat, and I'm not talking about blocking knitwear here. Shirts, skirts, you name it. ;-)

I'm amused by others's comments. Especially about ironing the underwear. Hee hee!