Monday, January 29, 2007

HM Is Not Nearly As Stupid As We All Thought...

The Sheep's Rational Mind has really been doing an heroic job of manning the helm of late. With the clock ticking on the removal of The Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions and the tendency of Hysterical Mind to blow these things out of any and all proportion, she has had to put in quite a bit of overtime in order to keep things running smoothly. She has been diligently reminding secretaries to locate substitute teachers, planning for two days worth of quality academic experiences, updating the teaching assistants and doing all those little things one must do when one is going to be absent from the classroom for two days. Yeah...I'm taking two days. We're talking about a "face mole" here. I'm not the most vain Sheep in the pasture. But, I'm not taking any chances. I'd rather have an extra day to practice smiling behind my hand like a geisha should there be any unsightly stitchery of any kind.

See what I mean? Rational Mind has been really thinking ahead on this one. All this activity has been most helpful in keeping The Sheep busy before she goes in for this minor proceeeeeeedure that she has blown into a drama of Movie Of The Week proportions.

But it has had it's drawbacks. We are not usually this on top of our game. We are generally planning no more than ten minutes ahead of any given event. We are not what you would call "organized" here in Sheepland. And so it was that Hysterical Mind became aware of the upcoming event. She is generally easily distracted by shiny objects and the threat of lurking zombies at the mailbox. We even had a lovely visit with Cousin Denial not too long ago and she often has a very soothing effect. Not this time. HM took note of the flurry of activity and is now in full-on "oh-my-god-do-we-have-a-living-will" mode.

Frankly, I blame the plastic surgeon for sending all that "helpful" information with regard to the procedure and the handy disclaimers with regard to what could possibly go wrong. Of course, this information is geared towards those who are having gastric bypass, aggressive forehead sanding and injections of bovine growth hormones. But that means little to Hysterical Mind. Once we got her to concede that this might be a bit of overkill on the worry-meter, she then went on a tangent about whether or not we will have to wear a hospital gown and if we need to take off our shoes. HM does not like to take off the shoes. She has foot issues.

Don't ask.

How does one handle an Hysterical Mind that has managed to work herself up beyond any and all reason? Well, the first thing one does is cancel the dentist appointment that was scheduled for the day after the mole removal. There was just no way on God's green earth that HM was going to be able to deal with that. It would have gotten ugly. There would have been a scene in the waiting room. There is little doubt in my mind that it would have made the local news...perhaps national. I'm sure that you all would have been highly amused by footage of a mole-less Sheep being led from the dentist's office in flex cuffs screaming, "Attica, Attica!" but I don't think that Mommy Sheep needs that visual. (and I don't know why I'd be screaming, "Attica," but I saw it in a movie...)

The second thing we are doing to ease the frazzled nerves is making sure that there is an ample supply of chocolate and pizza in the house. A well-fed HM is a quiet HM. I will also be using the chocolate to lure her to the car on Wednesday morning in order to make it to our appointment.

Lastly, one must start a new sock. It must be of merino and must have pink in it. It is a rule.






See? A very soothing sock.
And, if all else fails, then we are going to dose her up with NyQuil, throw her in the car and be done with it. Even a patient Sheep (and her Rational Mind) have limits to their tolerance.
SA

16 comments:

Sheila said...

My thoughts will be with you (2) on Wednesday. I'm glad you re-scheduled the dentist appointment...that's too much for anyone, never mind a half-hysterical mind!
I LOVE the flannels, and I'm so jealous that you already have them on.

Beth said...

I didn't know about the merino in some pink rule. Thanks for enlightening me! :) The chocolate will help HM a lot and everything will be fine.

Julie said...

Could that be a Choo Choo Charlie sock?

Very smart move cancelling the dentist appointment - it really could have turned into an ugly scene! I don't think any of us want to see a sheep, hooves in cuffs, being dragged out of the dentist office (especially when said sheep is screaming "Attica, Attica").

Anonymous said...

The whole "aggresive forehead sanding" bit really made me snort my tea. Good luck to all um.. three of you for your appointment.
-Mouse

trek said...

Love the Sheepish pjs!

Will you have some chocolate for me? Please? I had to quit chocolate due to the migraines and I am in withdrawal. I need to know that someone out there is still enjoying chocolate.

Everything will be fine there, HM.

Teri S. said...

I am so glad that you decided to cancel the dentist appointment. That just seemed like way too much stress for one week. Good luck with the removal of the MDD. I'll be thinking about you! I like the sock, by the way. Quite the nice shade of pink!

Mel said...

Actually, I think geisha are allowed in some circumstances to laugh, but apprentice geisha often color their teeth black. Maybe if you ate enough chocolate....

Lazuli said...

Good luck! I'm sure all will be well. And I can't blame you for canceling on the dentist... yucky dentist appointments. I need to make one of those and I'm dreading the whole affair.

kmkat said...

I have one question: do you get to keep the MODD afterwards? Sort of like the ghoulish Victorian custom of keeping baby teeth/lock of hair/ whatever of the beloved in a locket? If so, will you blog about it? Will there be photos? (Please, NO!)

Actually, best of luck and keep that HM in a tight hold until after all is excised.

sheila said...

Annie, I'm a newish reader and get quite a kick out of your witty humor. Good vibes are being sent your way on your coming proceeeedure. It will be fine. HM will quiet down once filled with chocolate and in the chair. By the way, I must make one of those dreaded dentist appts. too soon. Glad that you canceled yours, too much is just too much. Love those p.j.'s too.

another sheila

Cathy said...

Well, it's now obvious I need to go PJ shopping. And maybe consider making a pink sock. And maybe offer to babysit HM on Wed.

NO.

There's not enough chocolate in the world - tho finding out what's up with the foot fetish might make it worth while...hmmm. What time do you want me to pick her up?

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the procedure. I am so glad you cancelled the dentist.
The sock is coming along nicely.
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Anne said...

STR? Yes - perfect for a stressful week. If you DO have to take off your shoes, you might get a pair of those little free terry-cloth slippers. Those are a nice bribe for HM. Tell her about those.

We'll all be here when you get back - waiting for um.... news? Pictures? A general report? Maybe all 3.

CursingMama said...

Hopefully RM doesn't slip & eat the chocolate in the car before Wednesday morning.

Good luck - not that you need it - there is NOTHING GOING ON HM ;)

lobstah said...

Hope everything goes OK. Chocolate will definitely be key :)

debsnm said...

Has HM forgotten all the nice drugs the dr gives? That should be enough to quiet even the most hysterical of HMs (and of course, chocolate). Keep us posted, but we don't need pictures.