HM Is Not Nearly As Stupid As We All Thought...

The Sheep's Rational Mind has really been doing an heroic job of manning the helm of late. With the clock ticking on the removal of The Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions and the tendency of Hysterical Mind to blow these things out of any and all proportion, she has had to put in quite a bit of overtime in order to keep things running smoothly. She has been diligently reminding secretaries to locate substitute teachers, planning for two days worth of quality academic experiences, updating the teaching assistants and doing all those little things one must do when one is going to be absent from the classroom for two days. Yeah...I'm taking two days. We're talking about a "face mole" here. I'm not the most vain Sheep in the pasture. But, I'm not taking any chances. I'd rather have an extra day to practice smiling behind my hand like a geisha should there be any unsightly stitchery of any kind.

See what I mean? Rational Mind has been really thinking ahead on this one. All this activity has been most helpful in keeping The Sheep busy before she goes in for this minor proceeeeeeedure that she has blown into a drama of Movie Of The Week proportions.

But it has had it's drawbacks. We are not usually this on top of our game. We are generally planning no more than ten minutes ahead of any given event. We are not what you would call "organized" here in Sheepland. And so it was that Hysterical Mind became aware of the upcoming event. She is generally easily distracted by shiny objects and the threat of lurking zombies at the mailbox. We even had a lovely visit with Cousin Denial not too long ago and she often has a very soothing effect. Not this time. HM took note of the flurry of activity and is now in full-on "oh-my-god-do-we-have-a-living-will" mode.

Frankly, I blame the plastic surgeon for sending all that "helpful" information with regard to the procedure and the handy disclaimers with regard to what could possibly go wrong. Of course, this information is geared towards those who are having gastric bypass, aggressive forehead sanding and injections of bovine growth hormones. But that means little to Hysterical Mind. Once we got her to concede that this might be a bit of overkill on the worry-meter, she then went on a tangent about whether or not we will have to wear a hospital gown and if we need to take off our shoes. HM does not like to take off the shoes. She has foot issues.

Don't ask.

How does one handle an Hysterical Mind that has managed to work herself up beyond any and all reason? Well, the first thing one does is cancel the dentist appointment that was scheduled for the day after the mole removal. There was just no way on God's green earth that HM was going to be able to deal with that. It would have gotten ugly. There would have been a scene in the waiting room. There is little doubt in my mind that it would have made the local news...perhaps national. I'm sure that you all would have been highly amused by footage of a mole-less Sheep being led from the dentist's office in flex cuffs screaming, "Attica, Attica!" but I don't think that Mommy Sheep needs that visual. (and I don't know why I'd be screaming, "Attica," but I saw it in a movie...)

The second thing we are doing to ease the frazzled nerves is making sure that there is an ample supply of chocolate and pizza in the house. A well-fed HM is a quiet HM. I will also be using the chocolate to lure her to the car on Wednesday morning in order to make it to our appointment.

Lastly, one must start a new sock. It must be of merino and must have pink in it. It is a rule.

See? A very soothing sock.

And, if all else fails, then we are going to dose her up with NyQuil, throw her in the car and be done with it. Even a patient Sheep (and her Rational Mind) have limits to their tolerance.

SA