Saturday, January 06, 2007

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!

Cower before me, mortals!!!!! For I am untouchable! I am Teflon! I am anything else you can think of that is non-sticky and impervious to that which is yucky! I stride through the coughing, hacking masses without fear...

For. I. Am. Immortal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's right. Immortal. After forty years and change spending half of any given year swallowing antibiotics and vitamin C in the futile hope of chasing off whatever bug is plaguing the populace that season, I have caught a break! You'd kind of have to know me to realize what a big deal this is. I'm one of those annoying, "sickly" types. I'm the first one to catch the cold that's going around and nurture it into some sort of gooey, runny kind of upper respiratory infection. This probably wouldn't be such a huge deal if had any sense of grace or propriety about my illnesses. But, I do not. I am a complainer. I will buttonhole complete strangers to moan and groan about my symptoms at great length. My friends and co-workers quickly learn how to avoid me when I am sick. Or, at the very least feign interest while reciting the multiplication tables in their heads. I am a huge baby.

And knowing this does not change my behavior in the least.

But there is good news for The Sheep and all who know her. Did I mention that I am now immortal? Nothing can touch me. The fever and chills of Thursday night disappeared while I slept. I awoke with a few sneezes, but nothing serious. I was healed! It's taken a while for the whole immortality thing to kick in, but I gots my god-complex goin' on and I'm workin' it baby!

I don't know if getting a flu shot this year was the catalyst, but I'm going on record as saying that I am a fan of The Spike Of Protection. I know that the flu virus and the cold virus are two different beasts, but something is at work here. Maybe it was the holiday ham...

And it didn't stop there! I was most grateful to be operating at full power today. For this morning I really needed to gird my loins. Today was the day. I was gonna do it! Yes, that's right. Today was the day I was going to...make a suggestion to The World's Greatest Stylist!

Risky. Very Risky.

Normally, I just park my Sheepie butt in the chair and let her do what she wants. It's easier that way. But, after missing last month's appointment due to the planned removal of The Mole Of Disturbing Dimensions that didn't actually happen, my hair has grown out a bit. And I like it. I wanted to leave it a little longer. This was going to take some, "negotiating."

I arrived at the salon armed with two handknit scarves and the will to make compromises if necessary. I was nervous. I was shaking just a wee little bit. Hysterical Mind was coming to the fore. But, you know what? She agreed! The only compromise I needed to make was with regard to the bangs which she thought should be left longer and "swept" to the side. No problem. I just cut them myself when I got home. But that is our little secret, OK??? Please don't tell her!! Please! I may be immortal and all, but that doesn't mean I don't know fear!

The luck continued to flow my way throughout the appointment. The tresses were scorched back to their artificially natural blondish state via the chemicals and the hot, harsh winds of the dryer. The cut was completed. The final "tweaks" were going on before the blow dry and styling (which could also be called, "the scary poofing and backcombing.") when the whole place went dark. Yup. Power outage. My highlights and I made it to the finish line mere minutes before all work had to be halted. I'm bulletproof, I tellsya!!!

Last happy thing: Today is The World's Greatest Stylist's birthday! I brought her a gift on her birthday! I didn't even know it was her big day!! Someone patent my essence! A fortune can be made here!!

Despite all the immortality stuff going on around here, there has been minimal progress on sock #2. I'm past the heel stage (which I hate) and am decreasing for the gussets. Things have sort of slowed down what with my having to pencil in my afternoon nap and snacks. I'm a tiny bit concerned about having gone with a longer cuff on this pair and whether the yarn will hold out, but I'm taking the chance. When I don't, I always seem to end up with ample yarn left over and the bitter taste of regret. But, I'm thinking that I'm gonna make it. What else can I possibly think at this point?

Teflon, baby!

SA

16 comments:

mrichme said...

Child2 found the bug and has had a very quiet day today. Glad to hear that everything with the stylist went so well.

Can you bottle the immortality?

olga said...

I wish we could rub your head and get some of that good juju vibes on us.

Julie said...

I'm proud of you for making a suggestion to The World's Greatest Stylist (and for cutting your bangs when you got home). I desperately need a touch up of the "artificially natural blondeness" myself, but I'm afraid to go to my stylsit. Why? Because I thought I saw a couple hairs longer than the others last time and ended up cutting more than I meant to - she's gonna know!

--Deb said...

Well, that is a GOOD day! Hope you picked up a lottery ticket on your way home . . .

Jeanne said...

Last time I cut my own bangs was the day before my fourth grade picture. We won't discuss the results. Let's just say I learned my lesson. You are very brave! :-)

Glad to see you are feeling better.

Vicki in So. Cal. said...

I'm so glad that you had such a great day , especially that you beat the bug, but please don't go on about it in public. Don't you know that when you're feeling all-powerful is just when the fates cut your legs out from under you? Please, gloat very quietly to yourself with your head under the covers so that the fates can't hear you. This is the only way you can stay under their radar.

Mouse said...

You must be feeling particularly immortal since you chose to blog about escaping the horrible snot-plague from hell.. should we start sending tissues now?
I'm the person in my house who is always sick.. and I catch every horrible illness that my son brings home from kindergarten.

knitannie said...

I just hope you haven't jinxed yourself by saying that about getting sick! Enjoy the new hairdo

trek said...

Sheep, you are so bucking for a serious smackdown. I hope for your sake that it does not come in the form of a shortage of Fire on the Mountain.

Crossing the dpns on your behalf here...

jenifleur said...

Luckily, Immortals don't need socks. Just really, REALLY big hats!

;)

Beth said...

You happened to hit Amy's birthday? What a good break that was!

Bobbi said...

LOL. I have the same agrument with my stylist over bangs and I too cut them when I get home. I wonder how she doesn't notice when I go in that they never get any longer!

Anonymous said...

It's the pie. Just watch out with the scissors. Pie won't fix too short crooked bangs.
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Anne said...

I will trade you some of your bug-be-gone juju for some of my actually natural blonde highlights, aka large white streaks coming in strange places in my already pale hair, alrighty?

Sheila said...

Thanks for the kind words on my blog.
Maybe you should coat your SUV in some of that Teflon mojo...and all of your sock yarn too, or at least the part that knits the heels.

catsmum said...

do we get to see a photo of the new sheepie 'do'?