Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Once Upon A Time...

...there lived a lovely little maid and her dear, sweet Mama. She was not a princess or anything 'cause, contrary to popular fairy tale tradition, not everyone can be a princess; some of us have to be ordinary people and that is just the way it is, so deal with it. But they were quite content with their lot, living as they did amongst the frozen pepperoni pizza trees (the good kind with the self-rising crusts that taste like delivery, but don't require dealing with overworked delivery people) and pie fields blooming as far as the eye could see. Truly, theirs was a blessed existence. They had one another and felt no need to question life or its possible meaning.

One day, however, the little maid grew pensive and lost her interest in frolicking amongst the pie blossoms in the height of spring. Her mother, ever the attentive parent, took note of this and queried as to what might be the matter.

"Dearest Mama," spake the maid, "why ever must there be vegetables?"

"Ah, My Precious One," said her mother, "It is true that the vegetables be quite nasty, but they are necessary in that they provide vital nutrients without which our nails will lose their strength and our hair will develop split ends that no amount of deep conditioner might heal."

The little maid pondered this answer and found it to her satisfaction. However, she soon grew thoughtful once more and another concern she did voice.

"Yes, Mama, the vegetables will certainly keep us shiny and unsplit, but what of the canned vegetables? Surely this cannot be that which Nature intended...one must only look to the pizza trees and fields of pie to see this!"

Her dear mother thought long and hard, for this was surely a wise question from one so young and lacking in basic life experience. This, of course, was a result of unrestricted access to Google and many hours per day spent in the company of satellite television. Dear mother had not fully read the manual and was having some difficulty with the whole system of channel blocking. However, after much musing and a couple of pulls off the bottle she kept in the back of the pantry for just such occasions, she was able to answer her precocious offspring:

"Vegetables come in cans because some Sheep are too cheap to buy a real yarn blocker"
They then clasped hands and went to harvest fresh pies from the fields. They ate five a piece and neither gained a pound for this is my fairy tale and I can tell it any way I want, so there.
The End
I just love that story. I'll probably read it again before I snuggle into bed tonight. I especially like the part about the pizza trees...that makes me smile. I'll probably read that section several times. The vegetable part is a bit scary, but fairy tales are supposed to be a little scary, so that's OK. All in all, I think this is one of my favorites.
Oh, yeah. The yarn looks pretty good, too.


trek said...

Neatnik actually owns a book in which there are pizza trees!

Nice bedtime story.

Beth said...

Ah, what a nice story. And the yarn looks good, too! When will you be able to start knitting? Do you just have to wait for it to dry, or is there another step?

Julie said...

Five pies a piece and not a pound gained? Can I come live in your fairy tale land?

Debby said...

Please tell me that this paradise also includes fountains of caffeine with no side effects? If so, I'm in.

I think you should publish a Knitters' Book of Bedtime Stories. :) With knitting patterns for capes and felted baskets for the rose petals. Knitted wire tiaras with beads...hmmm....

April said...

Is there a chocolate river in the Pizza Tree Forest?

If so, I'm movin' in.

Mel said...

We Vegetable Eaters rejoice in the existence of the vegetables, for without them we would be lost. We prefer them sans can, though cans are admittedly quite helpful in certain instances, as you have so graciously demonstrated.

Oh, and our pedally exercisery thing arrived today. Yay!

Mia said...

Aww, what a sweet little story Sheepie *grin* Thank you for taking the veggie mystery and handling that for us :-) And I'm with commenter Debby.. fountains of caffeine,.. and um, other things..

Debbie said...

My grandmother used to overcook canned peas. Now, that was scary.

Using the can for blocking? Pure. Genius.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Anonymous said...

Hey I have 3 of those same blocks in my cabinet. Now if I just had a few of those pizza trees...

The Purloined Letter said...

Vegetables are exactly what I use for yarn blocking, too. (Often chopped tomatoes.)